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to wish that MIL would stop comparing ds to his cousin

(15 Posts)
allergictohousework Tue 05-Aug-08 13:22:43

I suspect I am a being a bit sensitive towards the MIL, who is generally ok, but it drives me crazy that when ds and I visit, we will have been there all of 2 minutes, sometimes less before she points out something that ds is doing and says oh yes A (their other grandchild, ds's older cousin) always used to do that, or oh A was so funny the other day, she did xyz and off we go on a long story about what the grandchild who is not there did.

I know she sees far more of A than she does of ds but that only makes it worse - feel that she should focus on ds and not constantly be referring to granddaughter all the time.

In some ways it is funny, I have bets with myself as to how soon she will mention granddaughter within our arrival, once it was less than a minute! But it does annoy me too.

Rant over, feel better for that. smile

Weegle Tue 05-Aug-08 13:27:42

Speak to A's parents and I expect you'll find she does the same about your DS to them.

allergictohousework Tue 05-Aug-08 13:31:54

sadly I suspect she doesn't. sad

TwoBigNorks Tue 05-Aug-08 13:33:06

Have several amusing stories ready and but in and talk over her every time she does it. Its rude but will make you feel better! Yes, how interesting, yesterday DS said... etc good luck!

allergictohousework Tue 05-Aug-08 13:39:13

TBN, I like! As a family they are superlative at interupting so good to try it on them for a change.

Iklboo Tue 05-Aug-08 13:41:29

Start comparing her to your mum

"my mum always....."
"oh, but my mum would NEVER...." grin

on the other hand maybe she thinks she's just filling you in on what the other little un does kind of like gossip?

Oblomov Tue 05-Aug-08 13:49:10

YABU. It is normal.

1dilemma Tue 05-Aug-08 13:51:43

reading this fills me with dread about my MIL impending visit. She does this to excess she has ignored my children, given thier cousins cake and presents (and them nothing) in front of them. We all have to sit listening to tales of how dc1 is so good at this and dc2 is such an excellent talker icing on cake was when my sil chose our ds1 b'day for her elective CS.
I have no useful advice except it was this that finally woke my dh up to what a b*&^h his dm is, when it was directed at his own 1 year old he finally saw it.
This improved our marriage.

I do hawever like Iklboos suggestion and will try it next week

Miaou Tue 05-Aug-08 13:54:15

I was on the phone to db2 a while back, and he said, "don't take this the wrong way Miaou, but if I hear another anecdote about what your ds1 is doing I will scream, she never stops talking about him!" I LOL and told him she was exactly the same with me about his ds - talked non-stop about him when she was seeing my ds! (I think he might have Had A Word because she doesn't do it any more grin)

TenaciousG Tue 05-Aug-08 13:58:34

She is probably just trying to bond with you, albeit slightly cackhandedly. She will think something along these lines: ATH has a LO, ergo ATH likes LOs, ergo to talk about LOs is to make ATH happy, what LOS do I know? My other DGC. Mucho dgc discussion ensues. QED.

My mum does a variation on this to some extent; she is always saying that me or my sister had such and such a characteristic when we were little, and that my dd/niece/nephew is the same and what if I have another one will it be like me or my sister or will it be..... blah blah blah blah. I just feel like screaming 'she's not like me or my sister, she's like herself!!!' but I know she is only trying to be nice and relatable and chatty. Like your MIL. Hell is other people and all that wink

Littlefish Tue 05-Aug-08 14:09:06

My mother does this - drives me potty. My dd is 18 months younger than her cousins but if I ever tell mum something that dd has done, she will counter it with something that dd's cousins have done - obviously better, higher, further, more talented, less messy, cleverer etc. etc. etc.

You have my sympathies. Tis blardy annoying, but I don't think there's anything you can do about it.

KT14 Tue 05-Aug-08 14:17:01

I have this too with my parents - my sister's DD is the same age as DS1, but DS1 has a language disorder so is approx a year delayed in speech and understanding. It's irritating and upsetting to hear him compared in a "what a shame, he isn't doing what so and so is doing" kind of way. If I do share anything new he's doing and it happens to be something his cousin can't (he's starting to read a little, swim etc), you can bet there's a new anecdote about the cousin doing it bigger and better the following week.
Grrrrrrr

gastronaught Tue 05-Aug-08 15:18:59

I used to get really annoyed about step fil always telling us what his other grandchildren were up to, until ds sister told me that she was sick of step fil always telling her what my two where up to. And there is no way, ds (who has cp and learning difficulties) can compare to his cousin just graduating as a Barrister anyway.

newpup Tue 05-Aug-08 16:01:49

My pil are masters at this, my sils 2 dds are the same age as mine and pil do see more of them. Which makes it very annoying when they do see our two and spend the time banging on about what my 2 dns have done or said. I try to talk about my dds, what they have done at school, or their music lessons or something but they will switch off until they can talk about sils dds again. I think tenacious could have a point about them wanting dc stories to relate to. Never thought about it like that before. It is really annoying though and even the DDs have noticed it now. 'Granny and Grandad always talk about .... don't they mummy' I am pretty sure they do not do this to my sil but you never know! It makes conversations with sil really boring because I already know exactly what her two have been up to from pil!

1dilemma Wed 06-Aug-08 09:43:44

Ah but you have to take all this achievement wiht a pinch of salt though.
I was really fed up of hearing what wonderful swimmers the cousins were (aged 4 and 2) then I saw it

chuck them in the water
they sink
fished up for air by nearest adult
child emerges spluttering

hey ho that's swimming!

then we had the potty training

out of nppies at night

didn't talk about the change of sheets needed every night even for the 4 yr old
(didn't matter since they were in hot country, potty trining like that not really an option in a London flat in Winter!)

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