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babysittng n mums

(13 Posts)
jammi Mon 04-Aug-08 15:59:40

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jammi Mon 04-Aug-08 16:02:19

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Shitehawk Mon 04-Aug-08 16:05:47

If she won't do things your way under any circumstances, then get some other form of child-care. If you've put your cards on the table and she still won't do things your way then that's your only option, other than rolling over and giving in to her. It's a shame that she feels sad about it, but to be honest, if she felt that bad about it she would find some sort of compromise with you.

Doesn't mean she can't babysit sometimes (and it's a grandparent's prerogative to sometimes do things differently if she does) but it will cause more problems than it's worth if you rely on her as your primary source of childcare.

HonoriaGlossop Mon 04-Aug-08 16:18:45

I think it sounds very sensible. It was clearly a najor difficulty for you last time. I think it can be fairly positive; tell her you want to enjoy ds2, and enjoy her being his granny, and enjoy YOUR relationship with her. Someone else can do the day to day grind, and she can come visit and be the loving gran.

I think it's really important to draw a line in the sand and say to her "I'm his carer, you're his granny".

I do agree that grandparents will have their own ways of doing things, and that's good. As mums we can't control every single thing that happens to our kids, specially if we hand over care to someone else for a bit. However this sounds like it was not a positive thing at all, it goes beyond just having a different approach when it means they don't mind undermining you as the parent.

What does your DP/DH think, is he supportive of your decision to use other childcare?

lisad123 Mon 04-Aug-08 16:22:48

sorry but we all have differnet ways of bringing up children, and you need to let her have "some" of her own rules, as it teaches the children about respecting others, as surely you are undermining her by telling her she cant dispaline her way.

My mum has my girls for me and often will do things like sweets before dinner, letting them choose if they are going to eat ect. None of these are going to kill them and myeldest has learnt that nanny has differnt rule to mummy.

Choose battles carefully, but if you reallyu cant compromise, find someone else.

takingitasitcomes Mon 04-Aug-08 16:42:30

YANBU but... the consequences of pushing your mum out might be rather larger than the situation merits. The one thing I really think you do need to sort out is the way she seems to undermine what you are doing infront of your ds. Perhaps the compromise might be that she can have her rules whenever she has ds to herself - but your rules rule when you are all in the house together?? Have a chat to her about it as calmly as possible and be specific about the arrangement. In my experience that causes much less grief in the long-run than stomping around being incredibly annoyed by her and bickering all the time.

Just a thought - hope it's helpful.smile

ladymariner Mon 04-Aug-08 17:02:45

Good post takingitasitcomes.

My mum and I have different ideas about ds, eg sweets before mealtimes, eating his meal in front of the telly with her waiting on him hand and foot etc, but we also agree on the "important things" such as bedtimes, manners etc. When ds stays at her house I don't tend to ask too closely what time he went to bed, what he had to eat etc, as he isn't there all the time and they have such a happy, loving relationship I don't want to spoil that. But in my house its my rules whether mum is here or not. It works really well for us and ds.

TheHedgeWitch Mon 04-Aug-08 17:14:36

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jammi Mon 04-Aug-08 17:15:26

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jammi Mon 04-Aug-08 17:16:30

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ladymariner Mon 04-Aug-08 17:16:51

I'd be incredibly pissed off too, jammi, if i was in that situation. You are their mum, you are ultimately in charge!!

findtheriver Mon 04-Aug-08 17:37:37

Find another form of childcare. You just don't need this kind of stress.

lisad123 Mon 04-Aug-08 17:57:38

maybe have the rule, that we have. If we dont like the way the other is dealing with a situation, we still back up each other, but talk about it later away from the kids. It gives them the wrong message.

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