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To think it's part of a parent's job to teach their kids how to lose, GRACIOUSLY ?

(48 Posts)
Doodle2U Sun 03-Aug-08 11:49:35

'Letting' your children win every game, every time, does them no favours.

And if, like us, you have a child who chucks a hissy fit when they lose a game/race etc....don't run from the situation by letting them win, just to keep the peace. Step up to the plate and make sure they endure as many losses as wins, to prepare them for it when they meet other kids outside your home!

cornsilk Sun 03-Aug-08 11:50:44

I agree. They can chuck the dice at us instead of their mate.

barnsleybelle Sun 03-Aug-08 11:53:40

I have to admit i have been guilty of letting ds win every game in the past. You are right, it does them no favours. He is still very competetive, which i think is just his way, but school has been the place hes learnt to not come first.

Wont make the same mistake with dd.

Doodle2U Sun 03-Aug-08 11:54:15

Or throw the pack of cards on the floor...or throw the DSLite under the stairs...or stomp off, wailing...or...

FranSanDisco Sun 03-Aug-08 11:54:59

Totally agree as well as being a gracious winner - not rubbing everyone's noses in it. Ds cannot stand to lose - cries, accuses everyone of cheating. I've lost count of the "talks" we've had. On the other hand I can't stand the "everyone's a winner" mentality either, especially when it's obvious not everyone did win hmm. You lost so suck it up grin.

cornsilk Sun 03-Aug-08 11:55:33

LOL at 'suck it up'

Doodle2U Sun 03-Aug-08 11:57:33

I don't mind competitive, Barnsley. It's just sore losers of the 7 year old, high pitched wailing variety, over and over and over, I can't stand. Especially on a sleep-over when it's not your child, so you have to be all 'fluffy bunny rabbits' about it and end up making your child let the little brat guest child win, just to try and save the whole sorry adventure!

Doodle2U Sun 03-Aug-08 11:58:40

"Suck it up" - LOL!grin

HumphreyPillow Sun 03-Aug-08 11:58:54

Yes, it's important to learn that you can't always be first - and that there is some value in just taking part.

DS1 was always a real strop-merchant if he lost.
I'm surprised one of us hasn't got a monopoly playing piece embedded in our forehead. grin

DS2 has always been gracious in the face of defeat.

I think the way the school system has become so highly competitive doesn't really help - some parents are as glum as their children if they don't come first / get the best results / get the best part in the play etc.

cornsilk Sun 03-Aug-08 11:59:47

My ds went to a bowling birthday party once. He won the bowling contest, but the trophy was awarded to the birthday child as they had a hissy fit. Most annoying.

roisin Sun 03-Aug-08 12:02:02

I think there is some personality issues in this as well though. Mine were always gracious losers - even from being tiny - and we certainly didn't let them win every game; it seemed easy/logical to us and of course we patted ourselves on the backs for being perfect parents.

But in actual fact my boys are not desperately competitive, in a way that many children are. This is not necessarily a good/bad thing. But if you have a wildly competitive child, this is a much harder battle.

cluelessnchaos Sun 03-Aug-08 12:07:06

I tend to let ds win most times, but given that his dad and older sisters show him no mercy I think it all balances out, he does chuck an enormous hissy fit when he loses.

Notyummy Sun 03-Aug-08 12:11:10

I agree!! I was a terrible loser as a kid, and can remember being sent to my room at my own birthday party because I didn't win the game of musical chairs and I kicked off grin I also had monopoly related tantrums which involved kicking the board over.

I was not allowed to get away with it and neither will dd be.

FranSanDisco Sun 03-Aug-08 12:16:04

It's hard to get a 5 yo (as in ds's case) to realise it's fine to be upset and disappointed (in a quiet way) but it's not fine to accuse the winner of cheating/ pushing him or excusing his failure with "I wasn't ready yet" followed by tears and stomping and saying he isn't going to play with them again blush. I'm not very competitive and I am a gracious loser who congratulates the winner. I have a child with a personality I don't understand. I look to dh for help and he's at a loss as well grin.

stoppinattwo Sun 03-Aug-08 12:22:59

Our school has stopped competitive sports day as "it wasnt fair on the losers, they got laughed at for coming last!" to which I questioned, well surely you need to take to task the children who are laughing at those who did not win. hmm

Children need to learn they are not going to win everything, and if you are lucky enough to win, you also need to win graciously.

By taking the competition anything you are failing to show how trining, practice and hard work achieve results

kitbit Sun 03-Aug-08 12:28:57

ds happily has the generous idea of being pleased for someone else when they do well. Luckily this has so far translated in a joint celebration when someone else wins. I am under no illusions that this will last forever

Doodle2U Sun 03-Aug-08 20:08:03

FSD - My son didn't get it and reacted as you've described when he was 5 and younger. The thing is, we did not just roll over and let him win stuff just for a quiet life (not saying you are either but stay with me here).

If we'd let him win everything, we'd still be faced with it now (he is 7). That's what happened last night - we had his 7 year old mate to stay and it was a nightmare. DS kept coming to me saying "I'm letting him win and he's still whinging. What shall I do, Mummy?"

All I could tell him was to live with it and hopefully 'Fred' would have grown out of it by his next visit!

Mentioned to Fred's Mum & Dad that we'd had a couple (Hundreds) of altercations about winning and the Dad said "Oh, he's not used to losing".

Well get him used to losing sometimes, you gormless pillock of a parent!angry

Doodle2U Sun 03-Aug-08 20:11:09

|PS - As for non-competitive sports day - It's BOLLOCKS! In nursery, give em all a chance to be a winner but after that - GET THE FOOK ON WITH IT - it's part of sodding life!

And cornsilk - I would have snatched the sodding trophie of the little brat - OK, no I wouldn't but dopey, gittish parents like that need a swift kick where it hurts!

Can you tell I'm a tad arsey about this subject?!grin

bozza Sun 03-Aug-08 20:12:07

7 seems rather old to not be used to loosing. My nephew is 3 and always wins. Except that he doesn't because 7yo DS is much better at most things (being twice as old and that) and doesn't get that DN always wins. So then it has to be rigged so that DN wins and where does that leave 4yo DD?

Doodle2U Sun 03-Aug-08 20:12:30

I meant "trophy off"!

Doodle2U Sun 03-Aug-08 20:16:02

See Bozza, I think rigging so that little kids win sometimes is OK because it boosts their confidence and enjoyment BUT the keyword there is sometimes!

mckenzie Sun 03-Aug-08 20:18:22

my DS (just 7) is a terrible loser yet we have done everything to get him to understand that you can't be good at everything, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose etc etc. Just last week he got upset at losing an egg and spoon race and his friend came out with a great phrase "you might not have won this game but you're a winner at lots of other things" or something similar. It didn't stop DS being upset at losing but I think I might store it up and use it in the future and see if I can get him to understand the thought behind the words. I hope that in the years to come he willuse his hatred of losing to his advantage (ie study harder to pass exams, try harder at other things). Thankfully, he isn't aggressive/horrid to those who do win, rather he is just very hard on himself for losing.

Doodle2U Sun 03-Aug-08 20:21:51

Well Mckenzie, keep at it because just imagine how much worse of a loser (that doesn't sound right) would he be if he NEVER lost anything before - IYSWIM!

I'm glad he just kicks himself and not everyone else around him - that is good sportsmanship IMO.

bozza Sun 03-Aug-08 20:25:02

Oh yes doodle2u I see your point. But do get rather irritated when it seems to be always rigged against DS so that DN wins but DD (only few months difference) isn't considered. Sorry, this is just my private issue on this one subject. And I suppose once you have two children of your own playing together it is not possible for them to both always win.

Doodle2U Sun 03-Aug-08 20:36:25

Well that is true bozza and I guess that's a great advantage to having more than one child - they both have to experience winning & losing sometimes (my 5 year old daughter is dead nonchalant about losing and I think that's down to having an older sibling).

I would tell her that she's a big, grown-up girl so she doesn't have to be 'let' win like her 'baby' cousin!wink

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