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to be jealous that other people have kind easy going dps/dhs

(100 Posts)
vinous Sun 03-Aug-08 11:20:35

i.e. the sort that would take child to playgroup if they were off work and you were ill.
the sort that sees you as in it together
the sort that will still enjoy a day out if it rains
the sort that will pay to park if it's more convenient

Is it normal for dp to be the way he is, or could he be nicer?

moondog Sun 03-Aug-08 11:22:18

Tell us how he is.

themoon66 Sun 03-Aug-08 11:24:32

I made sure mine was easy going before I married him and had DCs. I cold bloodedly considered all these things [calculating bitch emoticon]


stitch Sun 03-Aug-08 11:26:40

everyone has different problems.
i wish dh was more easy going, and not so nasty to me all th etime. but then i hear some of the stories on mn, or about my cousins, and i am grateful for the miserable sod that is my dh, with all his faults and his nastiness, and is gittiness, he isnt as bad as some of those i hear about. ibcluding the ones who are as nice and easy going as youdescribe.

my cousin has a dh who is similar to your description of an easy going nature. except when he has a bit too much to drink, when he has been known to beat her. set fire to the living room furniture int he garden, because it seemed like a good idea at the time, o, and dissapearing off tohis pied a terre for weeks at a time.

its all swings and roundabouts

filthymindedvixen Sun 03-Aug-08 11:31:07

hmmm just thinking of another regular poster's ''Uncle Fun'' - the perfect dad and husband - until it transpired he hasn't been able to keep his dick in his trousers for the past 15 years.....

I'm very grateful for my sometimes grumpy, often lazy, but faithful and adoring dh grin

scottishmum007 Sun 03-Aug-08 11:31:51

you wouldn't seriously want to be married to a sap would you????

my dh is anything but easy going but i knew that before we married and had kids and accept that he is strong minded about many things. and careful with money (which is actually a good thing).
sometimes i consider his not-so-easy going behaviour irritating but it's just the way he is and i generally have accepted it.
don't worry we all have problems, difference is some of us show it more than others to the outside world...

scottishmum007 Sun 03-Aug-08 11:36:42

i personally would hate being married to someone who said 'ok then, let's just do that' or 'whatever you think, it's up to you'. or just agreeing generally with everything you said and not having their opinion. That would really get on my nerves.
I'm glad I'm married to someone who is actually has a mind of his own, like myself. I couldn't tolerate being with someone who is submissive in a relationship.

ExterminAitch Sun 03-Aug-08 11:38:34

i really object to the idea that the person Vinous describes in her OP is a sap... he sounds like a decent human being to me. how the hell is someone taking his child to playgroup on his day off a sap?

BreeVanderCampLGJ Sun 03-Aug-08 11:38:34

My DH is all of the things in the OP, that does not make him a sap. angry

He respects me, I respect him, he does not run me down in front my child.

DS and I went to Mass this morning, we came back to find that he had sorted everything out for a picnic we are going on later. Does that make him a sap ?

Last year I organised a conference at work, the night before DS started throwing up. DH turned to me and said without prompting, I will have L clear my diary, you have worked hard for this conference.

What a sap he is.......

scottishmum007 Sun 03-Aug-08 11:43:22

under the thumb comes to mind with many couples out there, men just doing what they think is expected of them, rather than actually wanting to do these things.
i personally don't have anything against couples working as a team, i just don't get the kind of couples where one is so submissive that he can't speak up for himself and speak up about what he wants rather than just doing things to please his partner/wife. pet hate of mine.
aplogise if i've offended others...blush

NotQuiteCockney Sun 03-Aug-08 11:46:34

Maybe some men enjoy days out, take their kids to the playgroup, etc etc, because they enjoy it, not out of subsurvience?

barnsleybelle Sun 03-Aug-08 11:47:34

My dh can be wonderful, adoring, a pain in the arse, fantastic with the kids, messy, a slave in the kitchen, lazy, annoying, kind, gentle and stubborn all in one day.

Bit like me really.............

Pruners Sun 03-Aug-08 11:48:04

Message withdrawn

HumphreyPillow Sun 03-Aug-08 11:48:27

I'm with themoon66 on this one.

Test runs and trial periods are important. grin

I don't see the point of being in a relationship with someone who is selfish or uncaring.

DH and I have an equal partnership.

I couldn't be doing with some sappy bloke who can't/won't pull his weight.

Or one who thought the definition of being a man was to dominate and/or control.

PeppermintPatty Sun 03-Aug-08 11:49:36

My DH is very easy-going and kind, it fact just as you described.

However, he is also very untidy, doesn't do much around the house (unless I ask him to), he's crap at housework / DIY, has no common sense whatsoever, and although he's very intelligent he doesn't earn much money.

Which makes my life harder as I have to do ALL the organising, housework, DIY, day to day running of house, all finances, as well as work part time (cos we're skint).

I'm constantly tidying up after him, reminding him to do things, picking up the pieces when he messes something important up. Sometimes its like having another child!

So like stitch says eberyone has different problems!

motherinferior Sun 03-Aug-08 11:50:57

I get the impression the OP is talking about a basic level of childcare - such as taking their child to playgroup - which is not IMO sappishness, it's basic human competence on the part of a parent.

scottishmum007 Sun 03-Aug-08 11:52:30

I would imagine most men wouldn't be in a rush to take their kids to playgroups. They tend to be in the minority.

scottishmum007 Sun 03-Aug-08 11:52:50

if they were off work, that is.

ExterminAitch Sun 03-Aug-08 11:52:51

actually MI, rather tragically the OP spoke of taking the child to playgroup on his day off and If The Mother Was Ill. shock sorry vinous, he does sound like a selfish tit.

motherinferior Sun 03-Aug-08 11:53:29


Elucidate, please. Are you saying Childcare is Women's Work?

ExterminAitch Sun 03-Aug-08 11:53:54

are you crackers, sm007? what kind of man have you married? shock

dh loves taking dd to nursery, they walk and talk all the way there.

RuffleTheAnimal Sun 03-Aug-08 11:55:11

i wouldnt have had kids with someone who wasnt going to be a good co-parent. or id leave.

sounds simplistic i suppose, but i am grateful i have the confidence/self esteem/family for that to be the case

scottishmum007 Sun 03-Aug-08 11:57:17

I know my DH wouldn't take our wee one to playgroup if he was on a day off from work, and I also know other dads that would have to be asked or coaxed into it.
I don't think childcare is women's work atall, I think it's down to both parties, not just women! I'm looking at the bigger picture and saying that not all men feel they want to branch out and opt enthusiastically to take their kids to playgroup/nursery unless they really have to.

ExterminAitch Sun 03-Aug-08 11:58:52

so does this make you a sap, then? just so i'm clear...

RuffleTheAnimal Sun 03-Aug-08 11:59:04

<reads some of thread>

rofl at idea that dp is a 'sap' gringringrin

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