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...to be asked if baby was planned by midwife

(135 Posts)
raindropsonroses Sun 03-Aug-08 00:20:49

to be irritated by the midwife asking at booking-in appointment if the baby was planned.
Surely it has no relevance and is none of her business. Or..it is a standard question and I am being unreasonable?

cathcat Sun 03-Aug-08 00:32:42

perhaps Mums with unplanned babies are more at risk from PND? That is the impression I got from my MW.

LittleMissTickles Sun 03-Aug-08 00:33:28

Not sure. Perhaps there is some reason why she asks - ?spotting someone who might need counselling or extra support? who knows. Maybe YABjust a bitU to be irritated. A simple yes or no question, and confidential too.

VeniVidiVickiQV Sun 03-Aug-08 00:34:46

YABU.

it's helpful for HCP's to have an idea of how you are feeling emotionally, as well as physically.

Ambi Sun 03-Aug-08 00:37:08

yanbu, its nobodys business, I was asked by a few people despite being with dh for 8 years, my dad being one of them. I guess I wasn't the maternal type! I was still offended though.

SparklingSarah Sun 03-Aug-08 00:38:58

hiya , it's standard mainly just to keep an eye on your mental health
sometimes unplanned babbies can throw you an awful lot and you may have extra questions

also your dates could well be all over the shop wink

tis annoying though , you will learn in the coming months to just go with it or smile and say I'd rather not discuss that , thank you

thumbwitch Sun 03-Aug-08 00:41:24

I think YABU - I was asked as well at booking and I think it is a usual question, as LMT and VVVQV suggest, to gauge your state of mind re. the pg.

If it was anyone other than the booking MW, and they were implying anything rude, then fair enough - but some people like to check anyway just in case they say things like "how wonderful!" and you say, "no actually it's shit because I really didn't want a baby" (example only, not for one mo suggesting that is how you might feel!)

gigglewitch Sun 03-Aug-08 00:42:02

they ask all sorts of annoying stuff. I was equally irritated, and there was more to come wink Better get the three extra-thick skins out for next time you see her grin

EyeballsintheSky Sun 03-Aug-08 00:57:57

It is so they can watch out for PND - I asked them. Load of nonsense though because DD was very much planned and they still missed it.

Anyway, when they're prodding and poking and looking up your fanjo the odd question ceases to matter much!

ScottishMummy Sun 03-Aug-08 01:03:35

standard screening question

raindropsonroses Sun 03-Aug-08 01:10:56

Well in all honesty the baby wasn't planned, but was much wanted by both myself and my husband.
I told the midwife that yes it was planned, as I thought it none of her business at time.
I don't remember being asked the same with my 2 dcs, but then I suppose my last pregnancy was approx three years ago...

gagarin Sun 03-Aug-08 01:22:33

YABU

There are some people who get swept along by the whole process - but who actually don't want to be pregnant. No-one has ever asked them what they feel and if they want the baby.

The midwife is doing her job by "cracking the door open" for you to tell her (if you want) that you didn't plan the baby, that actually you don't want to be pregnant and that you'd like to consider your options.

It's not just about PND.

theyoungvisiter Sun 03-Aug-08 09:28:25

YABU. It's a straight forward factual question - you are the one assuming that she's making some sort of value judgement - why lie and say the baby was planned when it wasn't?

My last PG was unplanned but still much wanted - I never had a problem admitting that.

As for the medical reasons for asking such a question, as others have said, if a baby is unplanned it MAY (not necessarily of course) but MAY be unwanted by one or other parent and raising the question gives the mother the chance to discuss that.

It's also fairly likely that the mother will not have taken folic acid pre-conception and may not have avoided alcohol and drugs (prescription or non). The knowledge that the pregnancy was unplanned may help to pinpoint later problems.

They ask all sorts of seemingly silly questions - this time round they asked me how long I'd been married - I said less than a year which they wrote on the notes in big letters - the didn't ask how long I'd been with my partner (nearly 15 years - this is our second baby) which seemed a bit odd, but I'm sure they are just trying to support mothers in new relationships who may be under more stress etc.

WaynettaSlob Sun 03-Aug-08 09:34:22

YABU - the midwife asks as part of standard screening, in the same way as she probably asked you what religion you were.

Wait till random strangers ask you the same question, then you will be entitled to be irate!!!

Love2bake Sun 03-Aug-08 09:39:05

I don't know if it's a standard question, but it's not something I would get upset about.

mamadiva Sun 03-Aug-08 09:40:06

YANBU- I never got asked this by MW or Docs when I was pregnant and I'd have been annoyed if they had because I don't see what relevance this has, although I do agree it may be due to being more at risk of PND, but would expect an explanation.

TheProvincialLady Sun 03-Aug-08 09:48:07

If you are offended by this, wait until they want to test you for syphilisgrin

oi Sun 03-Aug-08 09:52:00

I suspect you might be annoyed because the baby was unplanned (though wanted).

I didn't like this question because my first was unplanned and I thought it made me look and feel more like a doofus grin but I don't think that was their aim!

psychomum5 Sun 03-Aug-08 09:58:34

I was asked this at each booking app. with all five pregnancies.

it is standard, as is asking marital status, religion, previous pregnancies etc.

it helps them get a better picture of the mum they are treating, and to see if there could be any problems they may need to look into.

it also may alert them to some poor woman who has an unplanned baby, wants it desperately, but is being pressured by family/partner to abort......it is not a question so that they can judge, it is so they can see how much support you may need.

Snaf Sun 03-Aug-08 09:58:53

It's a standard question. Although in actual fact the majority of pregnancies aren't 'planned' as such, there are happy accidents and not-so-happy accidents.

It's not about PND specifically - it's more of an opportunity to talk about any emotional issues around the pregnancy (if there are any, of course) and also the practical stuff i.e. folic acid, booze, drugs etc.

As gagarin said, it's just a way of opening the door to possible conversations that you might not bring up yourself, in the same way as we ask about domestic violence.

Elasticwoman Sun 03-Aug-08 14:32:55

Standard, but silly question imo. YANBU. Baby on the way now, irrelevant whether it was planned or not. If they want to know about your state of mind, why not ask: how do you feel about this pregnancy?

Backgammon Sun 03-Aug-08 14:34:41

I assume there must be an official reason for it - my green notes ask me to state the length of my relationship with DH.

mrz Sun 03-Aug-08 14:36:07

Unplanned pregnancies also raise the issue of the mother's health /diet/drinking/ prior & during conception which may be significant.

llareggub Sun 03-Aug-08 14:39:22

I don't drink and was irritated by the midwife who refused to believe me. She noted in my green notes that I drank 4 units a week. I challenged on it and she told me that people always underestimate the amount they drink.

I did suggest to her that as a teetotal it would be very difficult for me to over or underestimate my drinking, but she wouldn't have it.

I soon learned to let the behaviour of midwives drift over me...

greenlawn Sun 03-Aug-08 14:41:23

Not unreasonable at all - and if you don't want to answer, then don't. As someone said it can be a prompt if you want to talk about the emotional aspects of a pregnancy. In my case that includes discussing a history of miscarriages and stillbirth - still very hard for me to discuss unless its raised first by a dr or midwife.

Last time round my mw was very apologetic about bringing up the issue of domestic violence - I told her she shouldn't apologise, if it meant even one woman felt able to confide in someone, then the question was a good one.

For me, and I suspect for many other women, the emotional care given by a midwife is as important as the physical care. I'd be disturbed if I felt I was just put through a battery of medical tests then put on the conveyor belt to give birth.

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