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Would I be unreasonable to expect this?

(24 Posts)
LuckySalem Sat 02-Aug-08 14:38:51

DP works nights 9 - 7.

I'm trying to sort out the house and life in general and as a lover of lists (I like crossing stuff off) I'm gonna write a to do list for each day of the week.

Would I be unreasonable to ask him to do one thing each day on the days he's working and then on the 2 days he's off - give him a full day of doing nothing and ask him to do a few things on the other day?

Be honest with me as I really don't know.

naturalblonde Sat 02-Aug-08 14:41:41

Sounds fair to me. Although my dh works shifts and it wouldn't work. Apparently the 8 hours he's at rk are much more exhausting than the 16 hours of childcare and house work I've done.

LuckySalem Sat 02-Aug-08 14:42:31

NB - I don't have that problem anymore but I did which is why i'm checking with the mumsnet jury.

I don't want to push him.

missorinoco Sat 02-Aug-08 14:43:05

personally i think it would depend on the job (ie task). nights really mess up your mind. even after a full days sleep i am fuzzy.

having said that, i suspect there are loads of shift workers who will come on and tell you how much they manange to do on nights - you may find yourself adding to the jobs!

certainly think he could do things on the days he's off, and a full day doing nothing sounds lovely.

how would he respond to being asked?

LuckySalem Sat 02-Aug-08 14:45:59

I know he won't mind about doing stuff on one of his days off its the days he's working that I don't think he'll agree to.... but in order to get this house done (we've been decorating for 2 years) I really need him to.

BTW - I'd love to have a full day off!! wink

He works as a shelf stacker in tesco's but he is a "runner" now as well as a team leader. So basically I know that he has to bring all the cages of stuff out (manual labour) as well as making sure his "team" does it's work. Also he's about to start (Sept) training for a promotion so I don't want to overburden him.

barnsleybelle Sat 02-Aug-08 14:54:41

Im a nurse and work regular nights. I come in, get ds ready for school, take him to school. Sleep. Get up at 3pm. Collect ds from school and dd from childcare. organise tea for both dcs. Organise sandwiches and stuff for school next day. Do a bit of ironing, washing etc. I bath and put dd to bed, do ds homework. Dh comes home and i go back to work.

So, no, i dont think 1 job off your list a day would be too much to ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PussinJimmyChoos Sat 02-Aug-08 14:55:35

Lucky - my DH does the odd night shift here and there (he works in medical lab at hospital) and while I appreciate how hard it is and how tired you get, the whole I'm so tired I've done a night shift issue really gets on my tits. If we were to do night shifts, we would not have the luxury of coming in, eating our breakfast and then going right to bed, nor could we get up about an hour before we need to leave, eat dinner and then go....remember, its his child and his house too - so only fair that he does do something and you are being fair in that you are not expecting him to do everything, just certain things

LuckySalem Sat 02-Aug-08 14:57:06

Bloody hell barnsley - We are not worthy. How the hell do you manage?

PJS - Thanks. I don't want him to do much I just don't want to push him is all.

PussinJimmyChoos Sat 02-Aug-08 14:58:55

I'm in awe of how much BB does!! Wow! I feel like printing it off, sticking it to the fridge and saying -see, thats what a woman on shifts manages to do! wink

Lucky - do you feel you have to approach them in the right way in order to get stuff done? You can't just say right, x y and z needs to be done -it has to be wrapped up with a bow on it!!

<mutters to self about men>

LuckySalem Sat 02-Aug-08 15:00:45

Sometimes - Like I know for a fact that he'll hate my list cos I'm telling him what to do the problem is though I feel if I don't tell him what to do he picks the most random of things to do.

When we were fully into decorating. He went out and cut the grass hmm lol. I'm sure its not him doing it on purpose but we obviously don't agree on the priorities of things.

PussinJimmyChoos Sat 02-Aug-08 15:09:53

Men cannot prioritise and the only task they finish ahead of time is coming


LuckySalem Sat 02-Aug-08 15:10:34

grin PJS - LMAO.

charliecat Sat 02-Aug-08 15:11:44

jimmychoos LMAOgrin

barnsleybelle Sat 02-Aug-08 15:15:15

I spend most of my time living in a hazy blurr, thats how i manage!!!!

Plus, copious amounts of wine on my nights off help!!!

unknownrebelbang Sat 02-Aug-08 15:25:15

DH works some nights, and he really struggles these days when he has to do a full night (tries to do 6-3 whenever possible).

He does, however, still manage to do jobs around the place, and he too has stayed up and got the children to school when necessity dictates. Some of his female colleagues don't manage to do nights once they've got children.

catweazle Sat 02-Aug-08 15:47:07

Well my DH does a similar job to yours. In his 20s he used to do a full night, come home and sleep for the morning then look after 4 small children all afternoon. Later he did a full night, came home, drove 3 kids to 3 different school, slept in the car and came home at 4pm.

Now he does a night shift, comes home, goes to bed, gets up when it's time to go to work and goes out again, doing absolutely FA.

I asked him on his days off to tidy the livingroom, which was a total tip (I work FT). Instead he painted the ceiling shock and expected me to be pleased, despite the room being even more of a tip.

It certainly isn't unreasonable to ask him, but don't hold your breath he'll do it.

LuckySalem Sat 02-Aug-08 15:49:07

cat - sounds like my DP!!

CuckooClockWorkShy Sat 02-Aug-08 16:06:07

No you're not being UNreasonable, but saying that, my x would have sulked if I'd asked him to do one thing to help.

TheHedgeWitch Sat 02-Aug-08 16:08:32

Message withdrawn

AphroditeInHerNightie Sat 02-Aug-08 17:31:22

Ladies, I've arrived home!!! I'm not alone!!
DH is a shift worker and now I'm a SAHM, and he uses the excuse "I've worked 8 hours today so I need time off"
Sod my 14-16 hr day with very little respite.

However, before I gave up work (for now), we both worked shifts, and I had the joy of working to an on-call roster, which meant I could work a full day on-shift, and THEN get yanked out of my bed in the middle of the night. Joy!

When I did late shifts, I'd be up with the kids, and usually taking them to toddler groups, tumble-tots, swimming lessons etc and then off to work from 3-11.

When DH did late shifts he'd either get up with the kids and send them to nana's, then go back to bed if I was at work, OR, if I was on day-off, he'd stay in bed till about 11, get up for a shower then head off to work.

His justification would be that, sometimes, he didn't get home till 1 or 2am. Not always - just sometimes!

It wasn't worth the "I'm more tired than you" fights so I gave up work and made him earn his lie-ins!

LuckySalem Sat 02-Aug-08 23:42:20

Well I asked DP if he would mind doing stuff on my list and he's agreed grin as long as I don't ask him to do too much on his working days grin I'm really happy cos now I have a colourful list (its got to be colour coded ofcorse hmm lol) that I am REALLY looking forward to crossing stuff off of!

How sad Am I? lol

Shoegazer Sun 03-Aug-08 22:07:35

I'm with Barnsley Belle, I'm a night nurse too and I am up all day looking after DD, doing the housework and then go and do a shift on a dementia ward 8-7.15, come home get DD ready for nursery, do the twenty minute walk to nursery and then the one back, in bed for three hours, wake up, 2x 20 minute walk to nursery again, housework, look after DD and cook dinner. Before she was 2 she didn't even go to nursery, so I did it all on snatched sleep when she napped. So YANBU. At all.

LuckySalem Sun 03-Aug-08 22:09:50

I really am in awe of you all. I shall never feel like I have it hard again.

I only had about 3 and 1/2 hrs kip last night and its killed me. I don't know how you all do it.

mistypeaks Sun 03-Aug-08 22:28:59

I'm a nightworker too. I manage to look after the two little ones (2 and 3) and try and catch some sleep if they have a day nap. I'm just counting down the days until pre-school starts again and they're both off my hands for 2 mornings a week.
Some days I can look after them, do lots of housework. Some days DH arrives home to a pigsty and biscuit bribed children. I think he commented once on it. Some shifts hit you really hard and no amount of caffeine helps grin

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