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To be fed up to the back teeth of hearing that new health rules are crap and new mums know nothing.

(100 Posts)
Kaedsmum Fri 01-Aug-08 19:53:00

Because everything was fine in their day, they didn't know dangers, no babies ever died or got ill, and we are all just fussy.

Yet guidelines today are realistic and do decrease the risk of cot death. Don't get me wrong, I'm weaning my baby early because he's so hungry and ready for it, and sometimes I lie him on his side if he's very colicy. I am open to older people's opinions.

But I'm sick of being patronised and disregarded for doing things A) my way, or B) according to guidelines.

Oh and the worst is when you change to their way and they go 'well I didn't want to say anything before because you thought you knew best'.

Anyone else want to join my rant?

TheCrackFox Fri 01-Aug-08 20:08:20

Get used to it because it is never ending.

ChirpyGirl Fri 01-Aug-08 20:09:39

When I stay at my mum's she always sort of winces when I go straight to DD's in teh night, and does that
'Oh, are you feeding her again? I used ot feed you at all 11, 3 and 7, everyone knew I did that so I could get things done, it was much more sensible...
Yes, but we were all FF and mine are BF, not the same fecking thing, mother!

That and MIL's 'well BIL was always put to sleep on his front, I was told to by the doctors.
Yes, cos he had a severe cleft palate and couldn't breathe on his back...so not really the same as mine, is it? !!!

ruddynorah Fri 01-Aug-08 20:11:17

awful isn't it? i'm expecting dc2 now. not told MIL yes...wonder if it'll be the same as last time, or if i'm classed as knowing what i'm doing now. ho hum.

desertgirl Fri 01-Aug-08 20:15:05

don't even get on to the topic of feeding.... or the need to have formula in the house when you are staying 'just in case', or the little chat to the colicky baby about 'oh are you having trouble? is it mummy's windy milk? (???!! and this is from someone who used to be a GP)? etc etc.

yousaidit Fri 01-Aug-08 20:17:20

Oh yes, my mil proudly told mer 6wk old dd was doing 'proper sm,iles', 'oh' i said 'i think they might be just winf=d for a few week yet', sibnce she is smiling at the coving, perchance? to be told no, i KNOW what a smile is this is a proper smile at me. She's not that fecking gormless, i thought, but did not say, sadly. This was the same mil who, upon shwing a photo of me in hospital 11 hours after giving birth (and not v nice, stuff hanging out, looked like sht) that when a daft old bat said i thught that was your daughter on that pictuire mil told everyone people thought her daughter was the mother of my dc. This was just days after i gave birth and numerous events like this after the birth for weeks and months after left me feeling like shit. But of course, they know EVERYTHING.

fruitstick Fri 01-Aug-08 20:21:07

Unfortunately I don't have a mother or mother-in-law but did have to listen to my father in law saying 'ah, he's hungry, give him a bottle' every time he heard DS cry.

It didn't help when my husband joined in and told me maybe we would be better off with formula. There was a lot of weeping on my part although I stuck to my guns.

There was also a conversation which I refused to even enter into which began 'well we never had car seats in our day'

MummytoWillow Fri 01-Aug-08 20:57:32

Oh, I know where your coming from!

These are the one's I had from my Mum, who is a mother of twins (my brother and I and were 39)......??

When struggling with breatfeeding ... 'just give her a bottle, no baby ever died of having a bottle'! angry

'She's not putting weight on because your making your own food, give her a jar of food and she will thrive'! hmm

When I waited until 6 months to wean .... 'your starving the poor child, she needs proper food'!

'We didn't sterilise 40 years ago and your ok'

When trying to explain that research is the reason things have changed so much when dealing with babies .... 'so how come I didn't have to do it when you were a baby' BECAUSE IT WAS 40 YEARS AGO FFS!!

Ignore them and do what you want, there your babies enjoy!

xx

twinkle3869 Fri 01-Aug-08 21:56:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fin42 Fri 01-Aug-08 22:26:36

As a children's nurse myself I did try to follow all the guidelines and so far my ds has never 'come to any harm'.
Of course my dh says they're all a load of crap, but where his diploma in childcare comes from I don't know. LOL.

juuule Fri 01-Aug-08 22:54:30

There do seem to be fads for each generation. You have to pick out what you consider is best with the up-to-date information you can find and also take into account what older generations think and did. Not everything the older generation did was wrong (otherwise I would imagine there would be fewer of us here to contradict them) and up-to-date information can seem to change. So I think, you can only do your best with the information you have available to you from as many sources as possible.
I have had some good advice from mil, my dad, midwives and I've also had some dubious advice from them all too. Makes things a bit tricky at times.

babyelephant Fri 01-Aug-08 23:03:04

So very annoying when they chip in with "In my day", "babies didn't need this/that/the other hundreds of years ago" etc

Yes but that's because it wasn't flippin available hundreds of sodding years ago Mum!!!!!

As if 1200BC women would turn down a TENS machine given the choice... sterilisers... disposable nappies... you could go on!

As if our Mums today would actively turn down all the latest gadgets/advice given the choice!! They would pick and choose, like we do!

Grr it annoys me.

babyignoramus Sat 02-Aug-08 12:05:24

I wonder if any of them questioned the (then) up to date info they were given in their day? If the guidelines changed I bet they wouldn't have ignored them and listened to their MILs...

Kaedsmum Fri 08-Aug-08 12:30:47

Just come back online days after starting this.

So glad other people hear the same lines I do!

mustsleep Fri 08-Aug-08 12:40:33

i have all the crap from milabout the home birth

and i know afterwards we'll have the

oh just let me cuddle him to sleep...noooo i want him to get himself to sleep

lets put some baby rice in his bottle that'll fill him up

and then she won;t have it that she can;t smoke near him (tbh she'sbloody lucky that i let her pick up after she's been outside)

thn she'll start with the "are you sure he's breathing" "he's got a runny nose let's go to a and e" etc etc etc

arrgghhhh

hughjarssss Fri 08-Aug-08 12:48:07

I've had all that from MIL. She told me to ignore the books, MW and HV. As they all talk rubbish.

I remember being told reapeatdly to put brown sugar in dd's bottle to stop her being constipated, even though I kept telling MIL she wasn't constipated she was a b/f baby!

ajm200 Fri 08-Aug-08 12:56:26

I got told to stop my son from sitting up at 5 months as it would damage his spine. Same thing when he started pulling himself up the furniture at 9 months, supposedly he'd get bandy legs. I ignored it all and he's just fine.

Explains why DH didn't walk until he was nearly 3 though

hanaflower Fri 08-Aug-08 13:10:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaloryDontDiveItsShallow Fri 08-Aug-08 13:12:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VictorianSqualor Fri 08-Aug-08 13:19:50

I have literally nothing to say after this

"I'm weaning my baby early because he's so hungry and ready for it"

except for YABU.

wasabipeanut Fri 08-Aug-08 13:32:35

Yes my MIL did come out with some corkers around co sleeping and feeding. My own mum has now admitted that she disagreed with us co sleeping but was too scared to say anything wink

Both said on numerous occasions "are you STILL breastfeeding?"

In my calmer moments I think that people generally are trying to help and that they say stuff because they can see us tying ourselves in knots with worry for what they see as no good reason. Especially with first babies. At the time I was quite defensive but now I just agree with ahwt everyone says and then ignore them or give a vague "mmm yes I'll have to try that".

3andnomore Fri 08-Aug-08 13:35:32

my thoughts exactly, VictorianSqualor

expatinscotland Fri 08-Aug-08 13:37:44

Oh, my dad once told me I was straving DD2 as I breastfeeding her.

This from a man who was BF for 2 years, co-slept for 2 years and born at home just like his 5 other brothers and sisters.

constancereader Fri 08-Aug-08 13:40:41

I agree victoriansqualor and 3andnomore.

I think the op should have said "I am fed up with other people having any opinion about my baby as I know best" - which is fair enough but has nothing to do with new health rules.

BouncingTurtle Fri 08-Aug-08 13:43:31

VS - I must admit I thought that as well.

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