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if I'm really pissed off with the childminder for saying this....

(53 Posts)
bohemianbint Fri 01-Aug-08 18:49:29

...dropped DS (who is very nearly 2) off at the childminder's this morning and we were talking about how he's really clingy at the mo. (I'm 38 weeks pregnant and I think he knows something's afoot and is a bit unsettled.) I didn't send his dummy because I'm trying to get him to keep it just for sleep times, which isn't usually a problem and he doesn't really mind normally.

When I came to pick him up, CM said he had been asking for his dummy. So she said to him:

"you can't have your dodie or mummy won't come back because she doesn't want to see you with it."

angry angry angry

Then apparently "he just made a little noise and didn't mention it again, so it worked brilliantly!" hmm

Freaking STUPID thing to say to a kid at the best of times, but when she knows he's a bit insecure at the moment I think it's beyond stupid.

Thing is, she is generally really lovely, and I don't think she meant it in a nasty way, she's just a bit...I dunno...dense?

There have been other issues recently but this has got me really pissed off and I'm thinking I won't send him again.

I'm not BU, am I?

AvenaLife Fri 01-Aug-08 18:53:59

Oh dear. I don't think you are being unreasonable. But something tells me you already know this.

This is definately something no one should say to a child. It's completely out of order. It's on par with calling a child stupid/ugly/useless. Poor thing. It's a horrid thing to say to a child. sad

ThatBigGermanPrison Fri 01-Aug-08 18:54:41

I wouldn't send him again if you have a choice.

edam Fri 01-Aug-08 18:56:24

That's a horrible thing to say to the poor boy. sad Sounds too thick to be working with children if she can't understand that.

juuule Fri 01-Aug-08 18:56:37

Yanbu. Not at all. I'd have to say something to her about that. I'd also feel uneasy taking him again as I would worry about what else she is saying to him regardless of whether she meant no harm. Poor little lad.

Not read your other issues yet so can't comment on them but if this isn't an isolated thing then you are right to wonder about taking him again imo.

ladymariner Fri 01-Aug-08 18:58:10

Poor little boy sad

Dottoressa Fri 01-Aug-08 18:58:28

Oh dear. YANBU. I'd ditch her, however nice she is (esp. given your other thread). That really is beyond dense!!

constancereader Fri 01-Aug-08 18:58:41

that is bad
yanbu

JuneBugJen Fri 01-Aug-08 18:59:39

Yanbu but don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

She prob didn't mean it nastily, so keep going if you are otherwise happy with her. But perhaps say how upset he was with the idea that 'mummy wasn't coming back' and how children don't understand the concept of 'forever' etc.

juuule Fri 01-Aug-08 19:02:35

Junebug -If I had to spell those things out to my cm, I don't think I'd be happy sending my child there. I'd be wondering what other aspects of childcare she didn't realise might be hurtful.

Turniphead1 Fri 01-Aug-08 19:03:03

I don't mean to be abrupt - but what will it take for you to realise that this woman is not equipped to look after children (either physically) see your first post - nor intellectually (this post).

Jeez - if it were me I would spend less time on MN posting about her and get out and find a decent one.

Love2bake Fri 01-Aug-08 19:03:41

Are you stopping with the CM soon anyway - being as your 38 weeks.

I would look for someone new after your mat leave.

JuneBugJen Fri 01-Aug-08 19:08:42

true juule, sometimes I can be surprised what people say to their kids or the kids they are looking after.
Think I am just saying that if she is otherwise kind and reliable, its just a horrible lapse. Perhaps a stern word and a second chance?

juuule Fri 01-Aug-08 19:09:10

Just read your other post.
I'm a bit surprised that your ds has been going for a year. Is it only recently that you've had cause for concern? Have these things only started happening recently or have you only just noticed?

Turniphead1 Fri 01-Aug-08 19:11:02

If you read the OP's original post on her CM (the child only goes for 3 hours a week) you will wonder why she even sends him for that much.

She got a complete consensus if memory serves that this woman is not an adequate CM in anyway , thus my rather terse reply below.

These were her initial concerns. I am wondering what more she needs to see or hear???

"I suppose it's not the biggest of deals at the moment as DS (23 months) only goes 3 hours a week, mostly, although a couple of weeks ago he went for 2 days, so it's all a bit random.

The problems are:

* the tv is on ALL THE TIME in the background. Even on nice days I'm not sure they even get into the garden.

* they never go out and do anything. In fact am not sure if they do anything when they stay in, I get the impression the kids play with toys or watch tv, there's no reading or activities or anything as far as I know.

* DS is fed in a pushchair in the kitchen and I now find out he sleeps in the pushchair as well. Or doesn't, as it turns out. He was always put down in a seperate room in a cot as he's a bit of a nightmare to settle and will only ever sleep if there's nothing else going on. I also wasn't told that this had changed and had been takign round blankets and his light show thing, thinking that he used them in his cot.

And finally, (and this is the latest thing that has really made me cringe) when we went round last week, it was raining, and DS ran off up the garden. I went after him to take him in and nearly trod in a huge pile of dog crap. Now, I understand that she would no doubt have cleaned it up if the weather was nice and the kids were able to play outside, but it makes me cringe thinking there's probably dog shit residue all over the garden.

The only reason I haven't stopped him going is that she's absolutely lovely, really flexible (will look after DS at the drop of a hat) and DS has been going for about a year and really likes her. As I say, he's not going for long periods, on the whole, so am loathe to shake things up, especially as am due to have another baby any time and don't want to unsettle DS up any more than necessary. When I've asked her about what they do or expressed concern about all the tv she has assured me that it isn't on all the time, and sometimes they just listen to music - but I've been there at all different hours of the day and have never seen the tv off, or seen them drawing, or doing anything."

JuneBugJen Fri 01-Aug-08 19:14:10

ick ick ick

Having read that - get him out of there! NOW!!!

Roboshua Fri 01-Aug-08 19:15:22

Less concerned about this and more concerned about all the issues on your other post, the tv issue,the feeding him in a pushcair issue with a spoon. No my child would not be going to this CM even if it was just for 3 hours. She doesn't seem to have much concept of what children need.

JuneBugJen Fri 01-Aug-08 19:26:30

she sounds like, as my mum puts it a 'keep 'em alive till bedtime' childminder.

They are fine for after school for older kids but not your baby. Use maternity leave to find another if you need to.

Turniphead1 Fri 01-Aug-08 19:29:47

Sorry, I wouldn't leave my child of any age with someone that clueless about childcare and the emotions of a child.

But I get your Mum's description Junebug

CrushWithEyeliner Fri 01-Aug-08 19:33:49

oh hell get him out ffs.

Guadalupe Fri 01-Aug-08 19:36:47

she sounds like a nightmare, like everyone says, get him out now. Dreadful thing to say to a small child even without all the other stuff.

JuneBugJen Fri 01-Aug-08 19:36:53

We had one like it. after school she plopped us infront of the tv, gave us crap food and ignored us for 2 hours. When you are 10 it was like bliss!

Blu Fri 01-Aug-08 19:38:50

We pulled DS out of a nursery immediately after DP heard a worker say something very similiar to another child.

Child was new, was crying when her mum left and in her distress kicked out at her Mum. Worker said 'there you are, your Mummies left you here because she doesn't want a little girl who kicks her'. Couldn't bear for DS to even hear that said to another child and think nursery was somewhere parents left children when they didnt want them. DP got hi coat, brought him home, he never went again, and the relief was enormous. Despte frantic search for an alternative.

Just take the decision.

MrsFluffleHasAWuffle Fri 01-Aug-08 19:47:18

This coupled with your other post makes me feel this woman is not equipped to be looking after young children. I assume she is all above board and actually registered etc?

AbbeyA Fri 01-Aug-08 19:53:10

YANBU-I would find another CM.

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