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To think it's too early to celebrate

(19 Posts)
whatdayisit Thu 31-Jul-08 21:47:52

A colleague has 2 daughters under five, conceived via IVF. They didn't think his wife could conceive naturally. After feeling a bit strange for a few weeks, she has done a number of pregnancy tests and it turns out she is pregnant. Very unexpected, but excellent news.

They had no idea how far along she was, but scan today has confirmed 13 weeks. He has been buying drinks and cakes to celebrate. Now, I fully understand that he is chuffed to bits and I am delighted for him, but I feel a bit uncomfortable to be celebrating so early. I didn't even tell anyone outside immediate family until 16 weeks and I wouldn't have done any celebrating until baby was born. Just me?

PeaMcLean Thu 31-Jul-08 21:55:07

YABU and bless him, that's sweet. I wouldn't have celebrated with cakes and drinks but good for him for being so happy. I think you're being miserable to think they can't celebrate "in case something might happen".

Love2bake Thu 31-Jul-08 21:58:17

Things can go wrong in a pregnancy at any time TBH.

You have to start celebrating at some time and after 13 weeks seems sensible to me.

ILikeYourSleeves Thu 31-Jul-08 22:02:41

YABU he is probably TOTALLY over the moon. I had IVF and told people at 7 weeks pregnant as I was overjoyed it had worked and I couldn't contain my excitiement!

I know things don't always go to plan but some people may want to shout their good news from the rooftops anyway. I have a friend who failed 2 IVFs then got PG naturally the next year. She told lots of people straight away as she had been longing for that moment, just to say 'I'm pregnant'. Sadly she had an ectopic but she didn't ever regret telling people she was PG, even if it was just for a few weeks as she had waited so long to just say those words.

If he wants to celebrate then be happy for him, chances are very slim at 13 weeks after a good scan that things will go wrong.

georgimama Thu 31-Jul-08 22:05:14

I told my friends at 10 weeks. I would have preferred them to already know I was pregnant if something went wrong, than have to say, oh I was pregnant, now I'm having a miscarriage.

You are being a bit sour puss. Let them enjoy it. Most pregnancies that get this far will be absolutely fine, why diminish their pleasure?

fledtoscotland Thu 31-Jul-08 22:07:07

YABU - DH and I celebrated at 10weeks when we found out i was still pregnant after major abdominal surgery at 9weeks. I was singing it from the roof tops that my baby had survived against all the odds.

everyone is different so just be happy for them

DontlookatmeImshy Thu 31-Jul-08 22:08:04

YA a little bit U. Most people start to tell after an ok 12 week scan. (although admitedly with ds1 we didn't tell alot of people untiol 20 weeeks) I'm assuming they've had the 12 wk scan?. Would you think it was too early if they hadn't had IVF twice already?

Twiglett Thu 31-Jul-08 22:09:25

it's just you

I told everyone when the stick turned blue

why on earth is it a secret? never got that .. if anything goes wrong I'd like the people I care about to know and understand why I might be upset

and 13 weeks is well into a pregnancy

Booboobedoo Thu 31-Jul-08 22:13:00

YABU. It's wonderful news. I'm happy for them, and I have no idea who they are.

As others have said, even if comething goes wrong, they still have something to celebrate now. That baby is alive now.

seeker Thu 31-Jul-08 22:14:07

I told everyone from the beginning. And I celebrated. Yes, things can go wrong (and they did for me, twice) but I was able to grieve for my lost babies and share the grief with my family and friends. If I hadn't told them, I would either have had to keep the grief secret, or do lots of explaining - and that would have been very hard. And I felt that my "potential" babies deserved recognition - even if they were never going to be "real" babies.

lilolilmanchester Thu 31-Jul-08 22:14:26

I told people after my first scan. 10 weeks with one, 12 with the other. It's down to each couple to decide when it suits them to tell people IMO.

lilolilmanchester Thu 31-Jul-08 22:14:28

I told people after my first scan. 10 weeks with one, 12 with the other. It's down to each couple to decide when it suits them to tell people IMO.

lou031205 Thu 31-Jul-08 22:16:58

I told everyone at 3+6 (tested the day before AF due). I couldn't contain my excitement, and wouldn't have been able to contain my grief if I had had a miscarriage, so why wait?

QueenofAllWildThings Thu 31-Jul-08 22:18:34

Ditto the above - it's up to them. Most people wait till after a normal scan at around 12 wks, so they're not being overly optimistic - chances are good that everything will go brilliantly!

Littlefish Thu 31-Jul-08 22:19:21

Whatdayisit - sorry but YABU.

We tried to celebrate or mark every step of our long and painful infertility experience. We would go out for a lovely lunch after every horrible hospital appointment and tell our closest families about every piece of good news. When things are bleak I think it's incredibly important to mark or celebrate things.

Why shouldn't they celebrate. This is wonderful news for them. They have conceived a baby in a way that they never thought possible.

whatdayisit Thu 31-Jul-08 22:34:17

I didn't think it should be a secret as such, just seemed a bit like tempting fate to celebrate, but as it's just me, I shall buy him a drink tommorrow. I have already congratulated him wholeheartedly BTW, I'm not that miserable smile

PotPourri Thu 31-Jul-08 22:39:06

Aw, good for them. They must be over hte moon. Keep your concerns to yourself though (as I am sure you will). Let's face it, they shoudl be allowed to celebrate and be happy. Even if it did go wrong, they are entitled to enjoy that elation if only for a short while (hopefully not for a short while).

Booboobedoo Thu 31-Jul-08 22:41:55

I suppose it depends if you believe in fate, doesn't it.

I know this thread doesn't represent it, but I know many people think the way you do.

It's such a fragile thing, a new life, and I understand that people don't want to do anything to 'jinx' themselves.

I think that's all guff, though. grin

squilly Thu 31-Jul-08 22:47:51

I don't think you're being unreasonable to be cautious, but I don't blame them for celebrating. I would too.

Having said that, 4 miscarriages made me a little cautious too, so I know where you're coming from. The doubter in me always cringes when people say they're 6 or 7 weeks pregnant, because I know things can go wrong. Having said that, that's my hang up not theirs. And it's not like it's 7 or 8 weeks in this case.

So yab a little bit u, but I understand fully your motivation and don't think for a minute that you're being miserable.

I hope it all goes well for them after all their hard work!

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