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To want to ask my mom to stop being so negative?

(18 Posts)
TheHedgeWitch Wed 30-Jul-08 20:54:04

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TheArmadillo Wed 30-Jul-08 20:58:59

it would not be unreasonable.

MrsTittleMouse Wed 30-Jul-08 20:59:02

Tell her to shut up! My Mum is lovely, but she has a habit of telling us of every dreadful pregnancy/birth/newborn story that she hears of (and she has a very wide circle of friends, so that is a lot). I think that she does it because it worries her and she's trying to subconciously unload some of that worry. I say "stuff her!", you are the one that is pregnant and you don't need to hear her every negative thought.

My DH is particularly good at deflecting her, by the way. He just tells her that he doesn't need to know about that kind of thing and walks off. Let's face it, even though things can go wrong, most pregnancies/births/newborns are just fine and you are not your mother's clone.

TheHedgeWitch Wed 30-Jul-08 21:09:39

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constancereader Wed 30-Jul-08 21:11:25

Do ask her not to talk so negatively, it is not what any pregnant woman needs to hear.

Congratulations btw!

SexyMilf Wed 30-Jul-08 21:39:07

Congratulations grin

Imho I think you're not being unreasonable at all to ask her to be less negative

Enjoy your pregnancy

PeaMcLean Wed 30-Jul-08 21:53:11

No. Just tell her to shut up. I would with mine. And she can be a miserable woman sometimes.

weenawoo Thu 31-Jul-08 08:06:46

My mum was abit like this throughout my pregnancy. I constantly got "I'm worried about you so I can't even think about this baby" and she had two straight forward,healthy pregnancies! I started wondering a bit too much about what exactly was so worrying. It's because they care but still can be depressing. Could you explain that you know there are risks but would like to look on the bright side at the moment?

greenlawn Thu 31-Jul-08 08:32:11

My mum is a complete doom-monger. She always "knows someone" who suffered the worst possible outcome. You know the sort of thing, we'll mention we're going to a nice restaurant for a meal and mum will "know someone" who choked on a fishbone there and died. Leaving a wife and 7 children penniless, so they lost their home. Obviously.

We've accepted we won't change her but we sometimes out-negative her with a straight face. So if she warns of the dangers of sunburn DH will say "sunburn? That's the least of my worries - what about skin cancer?" So far, she doesn't seem to have realised we're poking fun at her ...

Enjoy your pregnancy!

TheHedgeWitch Thu 31-Jul-08 08:47:58

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plantsitter Thu 31-Jul-08 08:53:27

If she's not usually a doom-monger that's good. She'll probably shake herself and agree when you talk to her. You could just say the last bit of your OP tbh.

And congratulations!

youcannotbeserious Thu 31-Jul-08 08:55:52

THW - Congratualations!!!

You are def. not being unreasonable.

Your mum had a bad experience and it's probably brought back some painful memories for her - which is why she's doom-mongering now.

Just tell her, nicely, that her worrying isn't going to change anything so you might as well both enjoy it.

Hope it all goes well for you. smile

greenlawn Thu 31-Jul-08 10:16:47

Exactly, youcannotbeserious - worry doesn't change anything - you could try just saying something non-committal like "well, its in the lap of the gods" - then you're not disagreeing with her but at least you've said something ...

MsDemeanor Thu 31-Jul-08 10:26:41

Maybe you could ask her to tell you about her experience. Sounds like this has brought it all back and maybe, if you could bear to hear it, she could tell you what happened to her. Awful that it's still so vivid for her after so many years.

Kewcumber Thu 31-Jul-08 10:28:13

if you can manage it I found crying when my mum did this kind of thing to me worked very well...

EffiePerine Thu 31-Jul-08 10:28:50

tell her to shut up and point out that her saying things like this will not achieve anything other than making you even more stressed

this is not all about her, strange as that may seem...

justdontknowanymore Thu 31-Jul-08 16:04:14

My mother is negative too and it drives me up to the wall. If I know it's her now I don't answer the phone.

We try to think positively about our situation, but does she really think being negative is going to help the situation?

No YANBU - all the best, hope it "sticks"!

youcannotbeserious Thu 31-Jul-08 17:23:03

To be fair, I don't think PLantsitter's mumis usually like this and I don't think she probably wants to feel like this.

She has had a bad experience and is obviously worried / fearful her daughter will have a similar experience.

I actually think acknowledging the mum's feelings (re. the miscarriage) might be the key here.

If she were displaying this behaviour on other matters, I'd think differently, but it does make me think that maybe the mum has unresolved issues...

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