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To be livid that my son was the only one not invited to my evil SILs party.

(15 Posts)
wickedwitchofthenorth Wed 30-Jul-08 20:48:06

DH and I do not get on with his sister. Lots of history most of which is too long and tedious to go into. She hates DH (her own brother)just as much as she hates me.

Found out that she had had a party and invited all her nieces and nephews apart from my 8y/o son. (about 10 kids in total)

She had invited my stepkids (who are adults but live with us)

Neither my step kids or my inlaws have even mentioned this party to me. I only found out about it by chance through my ex SIL.

I feel so upset for my son. How could a grown woman snub a child? The thought of all the family at the party apart from my son makes me feel so angry. Dont know who to be more annoyed with, my SIL, my inlaws or stepkids.

I have always been nice to SILs kids. ALways made them feel welcome in my home. Am tempted to bar her kids from my house as revenge but realise this would be a horrible thing to do.

So, AIBU to feel betrayed by my DHs side of the family? Or should I just rise above it?

WendyWeber Wed 30-Jul-08 20:51:18

YANBU angry

Are there grandparents? What do they think about this?

Kewcumber Wed 30-Jul-08 20:54:14

YANBU - think it would have been acceptable if she hadn't invited stepkids who live with you.

Strangely I think I would be most furious with inlaws though would also say something to stepkids about how hurtful it was to your DS. What s their relationship with him like and how old are they?

ImnotOK Wed 30-Jul-08 20:55:24

YANBU ---I too have a toxic sil who snubs and laughs at my dc all the time .

Cies Wed 30-Jul-08 21:00:41

I would be furious also. YANBU. But I'd direct my ire to SIL and PIL. Maybe the stepkids were put in an awkward position. <thinks positively>

wickedwitchofthenorth Wed 30-Jul-08 21:07:12

I don't expect any better from my SIL but I feel that ILs could have done or said something . I know what you mean Cies about thinking positively but I am still annoyed with them. perhaps irrationally?

wickedwitchofthenorth Wed 30-Jul-08 21:11:27

Having reread first post just want to make clear that this wasnt a party just for the "kids" it was the whole family that was invited.(all my BILs/SILs and their kids plus my ILs)

noonki Wed 30-Jul-08 21:12:50

I would be most annoyed with SIL, if relations good with ILs don't be annoyed at them (or let them know you are) as they may be in a horrible situation

My DH and his brother have had a really rocky relationship my MIL has totally and utterely refused to become involved and I don't blame her

your IL's may be feeling the same strain

your SIL on the otherhand is a right bitch

abd ImnotOk that is also horrible for your DCs and you

blueskythinker Wed 30-Jul-08 21:14:14

You poor thing, you must be so cross, and upset for your DS. I can sympathise completely, same thing has happened to my DD (3 yrs).

Actually I just called round to SILs house with my DD yesterday with a present for my neice. I got DD to give it to her, and all smiles I asked neice (in front of her Dad) if she had a lovely birthday (about 3 weeks ago). Still smiling like a mooney, I then asked did she have a birthday party? Of course, she said yes . . . to her Dad's great discomfort.

You could try this? You need to leave it a few weeks though, to carry off with aplomb you need to be cool and sweet, not angry and hurt.

blueskythinker Wed 30-Jul-08 21:16:41

Oh, works best when you add 'I just thought I'd pop this round, we've had it sitting in the house for a few weeks.

Elasticwoman Thu 31-Jul-08 16:51:02

I think the snub was aimed at you, not your ds. If she had invited ds, she would have to have seen you dropping him off and picking him up.

If you are always nice to SIL's kids, then you are occupying the moral highground here. Enjoy it while you can. When they are adults, SIL's kids will remember.

If you dislike SIL so much, would you really like to leave your ds to her tender mercies at this party, where he might be snubbed, upset or ignored without you to defend him?

blueskythinker Thu 31-Jul-08 20:45:21

I agree with Elasticwoman, no matter how infuriating it is not to be invited,

a) you wouldn't want your DS to go on his own - adults can be so subtle in undermining children and getting petty victories.

b) it would be just horrid to have to go yourself and pretend to be nice.

c) be content that your absence makes you exotic and mysterious in the eyes of her children. When they are going through their teenage rebel stage, they will gravitate towards you - teenagers IME (having been one) have an inbuilt sensor as to what will annoy their parents most grin

solo Thu 31-Jul-08 20:47:29

Rise above it. Surely you are better than that.

Ivegotaheadache Fri 01-Aug-08 10:36:08

How old are your step kids? I'm assuming that your ds is their brother, do they not feel a little loyalty to him? Not suggesting that you have it out with them, but as they are adults, I'd expect a little more from them.

Your SIL hates her brother and hates you. Cut her off, why would you even want to be near someone who behaves like this?

I understand how you feel about your ds and I'd be mightily annoyed too, but you really don't want your ds anywhere near this woman.

For everyone to have kept quiet about the party, your PIL adn step kids, they must
know how your SIL feels about you all and just choose to collude with the whole thing rather than being adult and saying it's a bit out of order.
But I suppose if they knew your ds wasn't going to be invited they may have kept quiet so he, and you, wouldn't get hurt.

Stay away from her and, if were me, I wouldn't even speak to her.

ladymariner Fri 01-Aug-08 19:36:17

Agree with Ivegotaheadache, your sil is a bitch and you are well off away from her, as is your ds.
Did he know about the party, by the way? Hopefully not.

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