sometimes as do many of you i assume we have periods where our family finances are really stretched unfortunately this is one of those times- summer holidays,growing children and birthdays all stretch our budget.
now i dont need budgeting advice or financial help but am i unreasonable in suggesting that if im cutting back on my spending and budgeting carefully that my dh should cut back on stuff too?
the exmple i give is - dh for many yers longed to play the trumpet so he bought one with my encouragement he messed about with it for a year or so then i found an instructor where he had a weekly lesson THEN he bought a more expensive yet beautiful trumpet and has continued his lessons (they arent v expensive but its money imo that should be directed in to the family pot whilst we are budgeting carefully~),meanwhile he cancelled with my agreement ds2 guitar lesson in school (the tutor wasnt v reliable) but has since said at the moment we cant afford for ds to have lessons and now we are feeling the pinch i said in the midst of a small argument that he was rather selfish continuing his lesson- unfortunately this is one time hes actually listened to me and hes now cancelled his lesson and im feeling guilty - am i unreasonable??
YANB entirely U. Has dh cancelled in a fit of the sulks or in a genuinely remorseful 'if ds can't have lessons, I can't either' manner? If the first, tough tit, if the second, bless him. And can he sell the trumpet he doesn't use any more?
No - children's music lessons are more important. Your dh can practise the trumpet for free and wait till money is less tight to resume lessons.
I teach piano and one of my adult pupils cut her lessons to once a fortnight, in order to support her son and daughter through university. I smiled sweetly but secretly thought - can't they get bar jobs or something? They are adults.
I would also point out that learning to drive is useful and of benefit to the family - whereas music lessons (although arguably of use.. relxation, sociability etc) wont contribute as much back to the family so I wouldn't feel guilty about it.
I've always seen Maslow's hierarchy of need as a - well, as your priorities. First take care of your basic living - food, shelter etc. THEN and only then, when those basics are met, do you add in other things. Essential living - then things you need but could do without if you had to - things that could improve your basic living situation, and so on and so forth.
Like, don't buy a season ticket when you haven't paid your mortgage, type of thing.
Or don't learn to play an instrument while your fridge is bare....