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tell me what u think - be gentle tho

(10 Posts)
chapstickchick Wed 30-Jul-08 18:42:38

sometimes as do many of you i assume we have periods where our family finances are really stretched unfortunately this is one of those times- summer holidays,growing children and birthdays all stretch our budgetgrin.

now i dont need budgeting advice or financial help but am i unreasonable in suggesting that if im cutting back on my spending and budgeting carefully that my dh should cut back on stuff too?

the exmple i give is - dh for many yers longed to play the trumpet so he bought one with my encouragement he messed about with it for a year or so then i found an instructor where he had a weekly lesson THEN he bought a more expensive yet beautiful trumpet and has continued his lessons (they arent v expensive but its money imo that should be directed in to the family pot whilst we are budgeting carefully~),meanwhile he cancelled with my agreement ds2 guitar lesson in school (the tutor wasnt v reliable) but has since said at the moment we cant afford for ds to have lessons and now we are feeling the pinch i said in the midst of a small argument that he was rather selfish continuing his lesson- unfortunately this is one time hes actually listened to me and hes now cancelled his lesson and im feeling guilty - am i unreasonable??

edam Wed 30-Jul-08 18:45:11

YANB entirely U. Has dh cancelled in a fit of the sulks or in a genuinely remorseful 'if ds can't have lessons, I can't either' manner? If the first, tough tit, if the second, bless him. And can he sell the trumpet he doesn't use any more?

lardybump Wed 30-Jul-08 18:45:27

YANBU if you are cutting back then activities that are not essential have to go. When you are in a more fluid (if that is the word I am looking for?) then he can start them up again....

Its not forever just for now!

chapstickchick Wed 30-Jul-08 18:48:00

no he wont sell the trumpet he used first nor will he sell his first music stnd and i rather suspect he is behaving 'flouncily' but i feel guiiiiiiiiiiiilt .

see to me my ds would hve a lesson before me - what i think hs frustrated me most about his continued lessons is that i m learning to drive [yikes] and he also says we cant fford lessons for me

Uriel Wed 30-Jul-08 18:48:37

Could he sell the first trumpet?

It may be that he doesn't have quite the interest in playing the trumpet that he thought he had, and this will be his excuse to quit.

Elasticwoman Wed 30-Jul-08 18:49:10

No - children's music lessons are more important. Your dh can practise the trumpet for free and wait till money is less tight to resume lessons.

I teach piano and one of my adult pupils cut her lessons to once a fortnight, in order to support her son and daughter through university. I smiled sweetly but secretly thought - can't they get bar jobs or something? They are adults.

chapstickchick Wed 30-Jul-08 18:51:02

ty elasticwoman

Elasticwoman Thu 31-Jul-08 10:55:37

btw - music stand is useful for any instrument (except piano).

GillianLovesMarmite Thu 31-Jul-08 11:02:49

I would also point out that learning to drive is useful and of benefit to the family - whereas music lessons (although arguably of use.. relxation, sociability etc) wont contribute as much back to the family smileso I wouldn't feel guilty about it.

Hecate Thu 31-Jul-08 11:11:56

Don't feel guilty.

look here

I've always seen Maslow's hierarchy of need as a - well, as your priorities. First take care of your basic living - food, shelter etc. THEN and only then, when those basics are met, do you add in other things. Essential living - then things you need but could do without if you had to - things that could improve your basic living situation, and so on and so forth.

Like, don't buy a season ticket when you haven't paid your mortgage, type of thing.

Or don't learn to play an instrument while your fridge is bare....

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