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To think this is none of my business???

(21 Posts)

I have a very good friend with a seriously overweight child, and it is clear from spending time with them that this down to the shocking (imo) diet she is given.

However I really don't think I have any right to say anything to her about the situation. But my dp and others think I should.

AIBU just to let her get on with it?

Dragonbutter Tue 29-Jul-08 15:46:51

I think unless she asks for advice then it's probably not welcome.
Even if she asked i'd probably say a chat with her GP would be more useful.

lizandlulu Tue 29-Jul-08 15:46:52

i have no advice i am afraid. you are caught between a rock and a hard place.

does your friend know how bad the diet it? does she say anything about her child being overweight?

She has laughingly said that she is getting 'big' hmm

Her own diet is terrible and I think she was brought up that way.

constancereader Tue 29-Jul-08 15:52:03

You are right. It rarely goes down well, offering unwanted parenting advice to your friends.

nailpolish Tue 29-Jul-08 15:53:14

you friend will not welcome your cmments

she can see - she knows her child is overweight

its up to her to seek advice

its there if she asks for it

Kewcumber Tue 29-Jul-08 15:54:30

I think is she says she is getting big you can say "does it worry you?" and see how she responds otherwise I think you do need to leave it.

Rhubarb Tue 29-Jul-08 15:54:33

Why not invite her and her child round for lunch? Do a really healthy spread for them all. Lead by example as they say.

If this child comes round to yours for meals too, then she will learn from you how to eat healthily.

I agree not to offer unwanted advice, but the next time she says that her dd is "big" just say something like "well if you are getting concerned have you had a look at her diet?"

Songbird Tue 29-Jul-08 15:54:50

Mmnn, go with your instinct, and say nothing! She'll be really offended.

Thanks thats what I think too.

Songbird Tue 29-Jul-08 15:55:07

How old is the child, by the way?

Songbird Tue 29-Jul-08 15:55:59

ooh, good one rhubarb, non-judgmental and constructive, I like it!

Rhubarb

I've tried the eat at our house tack a million times, but she wont eat anything I cook, so my friend just gets her crisps and chocolate from the shop on the corner of our street to eat whilst we have dinner!

(and my cooking isn't that bad)

Oh and her dd is 7.

MamaGLovesMe Tue 29-Jul-08 16:07:35

Say nothing until she asks.

Rhubarb Tue 29-Jul-08 16:09:05

Then I would try this tack:

Invite her round for lunch/tea and ask her mother not to buy her sweets and crisps because your children then mither for the same. Instead say to her mother, "instead of you buying her alternatives, why don't you make a list of what she likes and I'll try to cook that as well as perhaps encouraging her to eat something new. But it has to be healthy as that is what I insist my kids eat and it would be unfair for them to be eating salad whilst their friend ate crisps".

nailpolish Tue 29-Jul-08 16:13:23

if she is 7 she will soon have concerns herself

esp if at school they start name calling sad

Jux Tue 29-Jul-08 16:57:14

If she mentions it again, you could ask if she's worried about it and her response to that is your way in.

beanieb Tue 29-Jul-08 16:59:51

The minute she moans about it then say something.

Thanks, It's what I was thinking anyway.

I was just wondering, as so many people are putting presure on me to say something.

Though obviously they don't want to hmm

Elasticwoman Tue 29-Jul-08 21:30:04

I was in exactly the same position as you except no one put pressure on me to say anything. It wasn't necessary anyway, as the mother was soon left in no doubt by health professionals, and the way her dd was bullied at school. At first the mother (who was beautifully slim herself) made excuses and was in denial, but then she did make changes to the diet, and the dd became slimmer

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