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To be al little bit peed off about dh planning what HE will be doing on our family holiday?

(27 Posts)
DrNortherner Tue 29-Jul-08 11:25:13

Running in the morning, followed by pro trainer followed by swimming in he afternoon. <insert selfish twat emoticon>

It's strating to get on my nerves now, and being pre menstrual I may lose the plot soon...

Cappuccino Tue 29-Jul-08 11:28:14

is he a professional athlete or just a twat?

seriously is he in training for something? where are you going? The Olympic Village?

and what do you and the kids do during this time?

TheArmadillo Tue 29-Jul-08 11:28:29

and spending time with his family when exactly?

No wonder you are pissed off.

Probably isn't doing it deliberately, but needs it pointed out to him

solidgoldbrass Tue 29-Jul-08 11:37:43

Depends a bit where you are going. Is it one of these places where there are all sorts of included activites for everyone ie the kids can go to a kids' club and there are things that you can go and do (or you can lie on a beach if you prefer) - or is it a matter of him doing what he wants while you entertain the kids all day.

MrsTittleMouse Tue 29-Jul-08 11:40:17

Is he not planning to spend any time with you or your DC??? hmm I would not be impressed.

claricebeansmum Tue 29-Jul-08 11:43:21

We have this on some holidays.
It is annoying and slightly depressing.
I just carry on regardless.

DrNortherner Tue 29-Jul-08 11:44:09

We are going to stay with dh's parents who live out there. They live on a complex full of ex pats, no kids clubs only a swimming pool.

Oh, forgot to add he'll being having a round of golf with his Dad at some point too.

If I complain then I am nagging apparantly hmm

solidgoldbrass Tue 29-Jul-08 11:45:17

Why doesn't he go on his own and you take the children somewhere they will enjoy?

DrNortherner Tue 29-Jul-08 11:45:18

He loves his sport and keeping fit, it is part of his life. Won't give it up for nowt.

DrNortherner Tue 29-Jul-08 11:47:13

We only have 1 child - ds who is 6. He will love it anyway. Lots of sunshine, in the pool, other kids to play with.

oranges Tue 29-Jul-08 11:50:50

is he just acting like a kid because he's going back to mum and dad?

Niecie Tue 29-Jul-08 11:51:49

And what would he say if you started telling him what you were going to do the rest of the time? Is he happy to take over and let you do your own thing?

He does sound selfish but my DH would be the same if he thought there were no other arrangements made. Mooching around and going with the flow is not part of his repertiore - he won't consider others unless you come up with a 'plan'.

DrNortherner Tue 29-Jul-08 11:54:09

He exercises every day anyway. So He sees a holiday as a chance to do a bit more. Where as I am thinking - quality family time.

We will get family time but I bet it will be around what he wants to do and that pisses me off.

posieflump Tue 29-Jul-08 12:08:18

for every round of golf, run etc you need to recliam that time alone iyswim
so when he comes back be all smiles and say firmly 'oh good you're back, i'm just off for a walk by the sea' and breeze off

sitdownpleasegeorge Tue 29-Jul-08 12:12:17

Oh yes, I get this with dh.

The biggest eye opener for me was "his" paternity leave. He moaned that he wasn't getting anything done that he had planned to do with "his" time. He seriously saw it as a licence to have an extra 2 weeks annual leave (albeit on very low pay) and was going to fit in helping with the new baby around his own planned activities.

He had a lie in every morning at home whilst I lay in a sweaty smelly hospital bed or wandered the hot airless post natal ward in search of a breeze from an open window pushing ds's crib on wheels (had a c-section and it was a very hot week) waiting for him to arrive just before lunchtime so that he could look after ds whilst I went to have a nice shower.

scattyspice Tue 29-Jul-08 12:15:01

hmm. You need to come up with some firm ideas of things to do as a family and things for you to do on your own. Make it clear that he will get chance to do his own thing, but that it will be scheduled around the family (not vice versa). Good luck.

YANBU.

But it could be worse - my dh won't come on family holiday's fullstop as they're too "boring". hmm angry

igivein Tue 29-Jul-08 12:27:20

I'd love to see how this thread develops - my DH is just the same. He's off work this week doing a long distance walk that involves me dropping him off at his start point in a morning and picking him up in the evening (with bored toddler in the back of the car). In the first three days he walked just over 50 miles and I drove 350 - am I a mug or what! We're both off next week, last night he was thinking what we could do with our week off, and decided he might like to go walking one day! AAAAaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!

scattyspice Tue 29-Jul-08 12:33:46

sad Stripeyknickers.
Igiven - lol thats the sort of thing my dh would do. I say no way.

I think men who spend all day in boring jobs love to plan their precious free time and have plenty of interests/sports that they are yearning to do (I'm not excusing, just explaining). My DH couldn't bare to sit around doing nothing. Hence the need to plan activities.

We tend to have walking type holidays, DH plans the route and I adapt it to suit the DCs (throw in a boat trip, picnic etc).

DH also saves some AL to spend doing things he wants (walking, cycling, climbing).

fruitful Tue 29-Jul-08 12:34:53

Yep, definitely plan your own week too. With a spreadsheet, if he likes organisation. With columns for "me" "him" and "us". And total hours at the bottom. And different colours and highlighted bits.

Then show him and say you're having trouble fitting it all in (on account of having to make the "me" and "us" columns equal to the "him" column).

Childish? Moi?

fruitful Tue 29-Jul-08 12:35:50

Blimey Igivein, I'd have made him camp overnight where he was!

solidgoldbrass Tue 29-Jul-08 12:38:00

Yes, there needs to be time for you to do enjoyable things as well, not just be dumped with the childcare 24/7. Mind you, can you not get time to yourself anyway if your DS is happy in the pool_ will his grandparents not spend some time looking after him so you can read/go sightseeing/nap/whatever?

MsDemeanor Tue 29-Jul-08 12:45:40

Igivein, er, why are you doing this? If he wants to walk a long way he can start at your front door and walk in a frigging circle. My dh would never ask me to do anything that ridiculous because a/he's not a selfish twat and b/he knows what I'd say!
just say NO.
Re the holiday, say, great, let's BOTH plan our activities, plus of course your time with ds. I think that's fair. What would you like to do on holiday?

anniemac Tue 29-Jul-08 12:53:17

Message withdrawn

branflake81 Tue 29-Jul-08 14:06:13

I have the opposite problem. It's me who loves to make plans (admittedly the involve everyone, not just myself) whilst DP does nothing and gets pissed off because he wants to "do nothing". I can't DO nothing.

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