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to refuse to let mil give 11 month dd her last feed

(146 Posts)
peanuthead Tue 29-Jul-08 10:18:19

I have the pushiest mil in the world (actually probably not) and had a huge row (still ongoing) with dh as i said no to her request to give dd her evening bottle and put her to bed. i suggested she did the bedtime story instead. but dh doesn't get it that putting her to bed is my job and a very special one.

and no i wouldn't let my mum do it either - but then she wouldn't ask....

3littlefrogs Tue 29-Jul-08 10:21:23

How old is dd?

I only ask, because as they get older, it can be a huge relief if they are happy to be put to bed by someone else - when you get to the stage of wanting to leave the house/go out for an evening.

However, if she is tiny, then yes I can understand how you feel. MIL can do something else - your baby - you decide.

mumblechum Tue 29-Jul-08 10:21:27


Shitehawk Tue 29-Jul-08 10:21:36

I don't actually think that wanting to put her grandchild to bed once in a blue moon is particularly pushy to be honest.

Why would it hurt you to let her do this just once? Yes, it's a special job but aren't grandparents special? Don't they deserve to do some of the nice bits with their grandchildren, rather than just the babysitting?

I think you're being a bit PFB really.

MamaG Tue 29-Jul-08 10:22:43

Does she want to do it every night? I don't really see the harm in her doing it occasionally

WinkyWinkola Tue 29-Jul-08 10:24:00

But you are allowed to be PFB if you want because it's not a crime and many parents have it for a while.

One day, you'll be fine, even happy with someone else putting your DD to bed. Just not right now.

If someone else takes umbrage at that, well, that's their problem not yours.

I wonder what kind of person gets angry when someone else says, "No, I'd rather you didn't do that just yet."

hifi Tue 29-Jul-08 10:24:36

does she live with you?

HongKongFoeey Tue 29-Jul-08 10:25:09

i think you are being massively precious.
what's to stop you going after mil has put her to bed and giving her a snuggle. grandparents are imporant it's not some old joe off the street!!

VinegarTits Tue 29-Jul-08 10:25:11

Can't see your problem if its only occassionally

RubySlippers Tue 29-Jul-08 10:26:11

i think YABU

what a lovely thing for both your DD and her grandma

i am not sure why you would not let her once in a while

WhereTheWildThingsWere Tue 29-Jul-08 10:27:21


She is your child
And MILs grandchild

There is a big difference and the decision is yours to make.

Nobody but me put my ds to bed until he was 18 months.

themildmanneredjanitor Tue 29-Jul-08 10:31:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladymariner Tue 29-Jul-08 10:31:24


What is the harm every now and again. You might be glad of her assistance one day.

WinkyWinkola Tue 29-Jul-08 10:32:15

There's probably more to this situation than the OP is telling us. As always.

peanuthead Tue 29-Jul-08 10:32:45

just the babysitting? what babysitting? they're never able to babysit, always too busy. and then when they visit we can't even go out because dh hasn't seen them for ages. i'd love to get out to the cinema pub anything but it's never offered. and when we ask they can't do it.

my parents babysit about once a month. and hence get to put dd to bed when they do....

no dosen'e live with me - live 3 hours drive away (their choice they were living abroad and knew we were in london and ttc and still chose to live somewhere miles away)

quite frankly all they do is the nice bits.

llareggub Tue 29-Jul-08 10:32:57

Can she come and put my DS to bed instead?


tortoiseSHELL Tue 29-Jul-08 10:33:50


themildmanneredjanitor Tue 29-Jul-08 10:34:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MamaG Tue 29-Jul-08 10:34:30

So how often are we talking about here, peanut?

You did ask if you were being unreasonable, you have to be prepared for us to say "yes, actually"

seeker Tue 29-Jul-08 10:34:41

yes. Hugely unreasonable. I feel SOO sorry for MILs and I do hope people realize that they will be one one day. What goes around comes around.

WinkyWinkola Tue 29-Jul-08 10:35:23

Hmmm, I'm afraid the nice bits is all GPs are expected to do really.

They're finished doing all the dirty work that parenting involves.

Now they're allowed to just indulge without worrying about discipline, eating habits etc.

I don't know that you can expect GPs to babysit, per se. If they don't want to do it, then I guess that's their choice.

zippitippitoes Tue 29-Jul-08 10:35:53

i find it odd tht you wouldnt let her put her to bed

nothing to stop you saying good night and giving her a xcuddle too or even being there at the same time


gladders Tue 29-Jul-08 10:36:10

YANBU - your baby your choice.

Disagree with HongKongFooey - grandparents do not automatically deserve the perks.

If you treasure this time with your PFB then go for it.

There may come a time later on when you will welcme the break - until then, stick to your guns.

MilkMonitor Tue 29-Jul-08 10:36:31

YOu can't just feel indiscriminately sorry for MILs. That's silly. There are some lovely ones and horrible ones.

Kewcumber Tue 29-Jul-08 10:37:26

I always put DS to bed unless mum is babysitting. I used to like it and didn;t want to give it up particualrly as I work and its a nice time for two of us to be together (at 2.7 would quite happily palm him off on her every night now grin)

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