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in thinking I should be able to go out once a week and leave DH with the kids?

(17 Posts)
DancingMamaWithBabes Mon 28-Jul-08 09:03:59

I intend to swap a group I go to once a week for the same one but an evening time because dc1 is on holidays and I don't feel it appropriate to take him to a slimming class, though during the school term I manage ok with taking dc2 who is 6mths.

DH asked would I take the baby with me and I replied I can do, and he said he was fine with that.

Only when I was in bed last night I thought, hang on why can't he have them both?! I am going to ask him this today, but I predict him not saying no, but finding the thought a bit painful or something, but it's not unreasonable is it to ask? I don't think it is, but a part of me thinks maybe I am being too selfish in wanting a few hrs completely to me!

Chocolateteapot Mon 28-Jul-08 09:06:30

Of course he can cope, just go and let him get on with it.

ThatBigGermanPrison Mon 28-Jul-08 09:08:19

Just leave him to it. tell him you've decided you're not taking the baby.

moulesfrites Mon 28-Jul-08 09:10:30

YANBU at all. You are not selfish, they are his kids too. A friend of mine was fed up with her dh not pulling his weight with their kids. She had planned on doing something lovely together when he came home from work one afternoon, but he said he was going to the pub. So she said "No you're not" went out on her own leaving him with 2 ds! I thought that was brilliant, but he complained when he got back saying he couldn't handle them! I was outraged. A mother would never get away with saying that about her own kids.

kiltycoldbum Mon 28-Jul-08 09:14:36

ive never been out on my own in 3 years, unless you count going into hospital to have another smile and a bit sad

StellaWasADiver Mon 28-Jul-08 09:16:06

Of course YANBU, you should not have to 'ask' angry

kilty WHY have you not bee out on your own in 3 years? Really why?

ThatBigGermanPrison Mon 28-Jul-08 09:17:11

So what happens, Kilty, if you pick up your coat, yell "You've got the kids" and leave?

DancingMamaWithBabes Mon 28-Jul-08 09:35:13


I think he probably would like it if the kids were in bed before I left but for this occasion they wont, anyway as mentioned he'll cope grin I wonder if some men are scared of being left with their children at times? dh is usually pretty good, anyway, it will be an opportunity for him to have some father and son time, wont make it my problem to worry about!

DustyTV Mon 28-Jul-08 09:43:44

YANBU, of course your DH will cope, he will have to. I'm sometimes a bit hmm by how some of the DH/DP's described on here. Yes you are a mum but you should also get time to yourself, weather it be a slimming club or a night out or even lunch/coffee with a friend.

My DH practically kicks me out of the door, he loves spending time with DD on his own.

maidamess Mon 28-Jul-08 09:48:51

Some dh's know they can play the 'I can't cope' card and their wives will play the game too.
Of course he can cope.

He's just banking on you saying yes to taking the baby.

Gobbledigook Mon 28-Jul-08 09:51:07


My SIL has had this and it's just ludicrous. Dh has the boys on his own all the time (3 of them) and always has done - they are his children as much as they are mine so I don't really see the issue. Why would you expect anything different?

DancingMamaWithBabes Mon 28-Jul-08 09:53:41

DH has just got back to me, the reason he asked if I'd take the baby is because he was planning on spending some time taking ds1 on a bike ride which is harder to do when he has both (not having a baby seat) and he also disclosed that he and my sister have planned a night where I am at hers (she lives an hr away)

Do I feel a bit blush or what now?

So, the moral of the story is to talk more to DH to find out his intentions blush

DH probably now thinks I think he is horrid, must book a babaysitter grin

kiltycoldbum Mon 28-Jul-08 09:53:59

tbh my problems are a whole other thread!! we go out together a lot to nice restaurants and nice holidays, dp seems to think that should be enough for me to be satisfied with, i have 1 friend i see outside of toddler group on occasion with the dcs though he slags her off something rotten and i see my mum with dcs once a week, im actually quite pathetically lonely and talk at length to checkout people! he goes out whenever he feels like it but "we're different people"

i dont drive, i live in the countryside and well im nearing the end, ive grown up too much since we got together and quite frankly im no longer able to put up with this anymore, we'll see what happens, slowly slowly catchy monkey as my mum says smile

naturally if i got my coat and yelled you've got the kids it would mean im off out to shag as many men as possible. yes i am increasingly bitter, yes my using mn is a secret, sorry op ive hijacked!

tbh its not something ive ever actually discussed with anyone and i dont really feel up to it as tbqh im aware enough to know exactly what it is and exactly how pathetic i am in allowing it to happen, in a previous life i was quite a clever girl now im bitter and angry and plotting. smile but hey ho there is always someone worse off and ive probably made it sound worse than it is.

ThatBigGermanPrison Mon 28-Jul-08 10:02:42

Kilty your partner sounds controlling and abusive. You need to start going out and let him decide what he wants. It's not up to him to decide your social needs. I feel very sorry for you - but only you can change your life.

Don't let your children grow up seeing this as a functional relationship, it's sad.

DancingMamaWithBabes Mon 28-Jul-08 10:02:54

meant to add DH did say he "would have both, he can, believe it or not cope" grin

AbbeyA Mon 28-Jul-08 10:16:32

YANBU-they are his children too! Don't even ask him-just tell him! I would get him used to it and have a calendar and both put down when you are going out.

DancingMamaWithBabes Mon 28-Jul-08 10:20:48

Don't think you are hijacking Kitty, - am really to read your post, I think if you are not happy then you should address it and by saying there is always someone worse off than you is not really making you feel and be better off in the long run?

About 7 yrs ago dh and I had a clash of directions, what we didn't realise at the time till we briefly saw someone to talk to was that he was trying to help me in the only way he could see possible, but his help wasn't the right way to go around things, so we stopped, worked on our communication skills and became a lot closer and functioned again (though as shown today I get shaky moments hmm

I am concerned because you say using MN is a secret, please don't think you are pathetic, you are NOT.. it is very easy to fall into habits of 'allowing' things to happen but it doesn't need to be the case, you don't deserve to be lonely in an environment that may appear something different.

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