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to be irritated at people constantly asking me if we are going to have another child?

(80 Posts)
littlelapin Sun 27-Jul-08 17:17:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PootyApplewater Sun 27-Jul-08 17:20:46

It's just what some women do, isn't it?

Tedious, but probably best to just shrug it off.

They'll definitely stop asking in the next 30-40 years. grin

FabioThatFirggingCat Sun 27-Jul-08 17:20:59

Bloody rude to ask imo.
You never know if someone's trying like mad and feeling dreadful, or they've decided to stop at one but are sick of people criticising that.
Next time, smile vaguely and say, Mmm, yeah...people are always asking that [change subject]

Or tell them the Lord Jebus Alfarkingmighty has not yet blessed you with a second child, but in the meantime what do they think of the name Arsewipe?

littlelapin Sun 27-Jul-08 17:22:41

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Anglepoise Sun 27-Jul-08 17:24:45

PootyApplewater my gran made some reference the other day to things she'd do differently "if she had another child". She's 89 hmm

lovelysongbird Sun 27-Jul-08 17:25:33

ll meet a question with a question.

why would you ask that? or want to know?
or how about well you neber know how life maps out v v vaugely grin
not answering the question

i kow what you mean though i get it all the time dd is 1
tell me, i bet it gets worse doesnt it?.

greenlawn Sun 27-Jul-08 17:26:29

If there's one sure thing in life its that people can't help but comment. I would never, never ask such a personal question. Your family choices and fertility are none of my business! I've got friends who decided not to have children, to have only one, or who had only one because that was how it worked out - that's the way it is.

Probably not going to make you feel any better, but I'm on no.4 and sick of being asked "was it planned?" "oh dear were you upset when you found out" "I expect you want a girl this time" "you'll be busy" etc etc!

FabioThatFirggingCat Sun 27-Jul-08 17:26:47

You should also look judgily at their midriff when you say the above, then start talking about bras that do major uplifting and extra firm hold spanx.

nancy75 Sun 27-Jul-08 17:27:47

oh god, at my dds 3rd birthday party last week this was all i got all day!
i dont want anymore, and when i tell people that they aregue with me, going to start saying leave me alone and mind your own bloody business angry

OracleInaCoracle Sun 27-Jul-08 17:30:10

i tend to use the

"actually we had sex last night, doggy style, we both climaxed and i stuck my legs in the air for 2hr afterward. my cervical mucous was a nice gooey texture and my temp is high. i promise that if i am up the stick after 7 mc's, 1 ep and 3y of trying you will be the first to know"

explanation. shuts the fuckers up

littlelapin Sun 27-Jul-08 17:32:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OracleInaCoracle Sun 27-Jul-08 17:35:38

exactly, i would never dream of asking someone "are you planning on having sex over the next few weeks" but asking someone about their procreational habits/plans seems to be perfectly ok!

muggglewump Sun 27-Jul-08 17:37:12

I got asked that at around the same time by people who knew I was single. I also got told that I should hurry up and meet someone so the age gap wasn't too big and when I did meet someone when DD was just 5, all I got was that I should have another to give him a baby because he had no kids.
I still get asked although now I can tell them I've been sterilised.
People think I'm weird that I would choose it as a single 30yr old but I love to see the looks on people's faces when I tell them.

Why can no one accept I'm happy to be the single Mum of an only? angry

littlelapin Sun 27-Jul-08 17:37:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

edam Sun 27-Jul-08 17:41:33

It's very irritating. And rude. Most people have given up asking me now ds is five, though. So you just have to hang on in there for another 2.7 years!

Evelynsmum Sun 27-Jul-08 17:46:49

This also drives me nuts although now we're expecting no 2 maybe it will stop...

If I was feeling nice I'd brush it off. But if I was having a bad day I'd talk about our fertility problems which probably shocked them and usually made them back off.

Not a Q I'll ever ask its just too personal and a potential minefield.

NotQuiteCockney Sun 27-Jul-08 17:50:29

I always liked saying ... 'so, you're asking me if we're having sex, and whether we're using contraception ... Is that really something you want to ask me?

chipmonkey Sun 27-Jul-08 17:56:32

I have only asked someone that question once and as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I was wondering what in the world had possessed me! And the friend I asked had in fact been trying for ages and had had a MC as wellsadsadblushblush So have learnt my lesson in the worst way.

I do remember telling someone I was pg with ds3, though and her looking appalled and blurting out "But I thought you were finished!" Er, no!

UniversallyChallenged Sun 27-Jul-08 17:56:55

Similar to people asking me if my 5 were all planned shock so rude! I would never ask someone about such a personal thing. LL we get the "haven't you got a telly" comment ad nauseum (oh how i ROFL and the hilarious joke hmm, maybe you could say "nah - we will have to get rid of the telly first"

wb Sun 27-Jul-08 18:16:28

IME you will get this until you have 2 kids - at which point it changes to 'I hope you aren't going to have any more' hmm

Shoegazer Sun 27-Jul-08 18:27:09

YANBU. I am and intend to always be the mum of an only and I get that question too alot as DD is 2.1 now. I say "I'm not. We are very happy as we are." and then they look at me "knowingly" and say something along the lines of "Oh you say that now, but you will change your mind" WTF? Will I really? Well thank you for being so patronising and smug, I'm sure I will see the error of my ways soon and see that I absoultely must fit into your idea of a perfect family. Remind me next time your children are squabbling to say "Oh, I'm sure you thought it was a good idea to have that one at the time, but I'm sure you have changed your mind now" hmm

ThePettyandIllinformedGoat Sun 27-Jul-08 18:39:03

i just tell people the truth i don't see why i have to treat my infertility like a dirty secret. most folk are sympathetic.

it is just a conversational thing. unless someone has had fertility issues it really doesn't see to occur to them that this might be a rude question.

catweazle Sun 27-Jul-08 19:31:52

It's just a topic of conversation sometimes between mums, and not really something to get upset about. Now that DD is 16 months I've had the odd "having any more?" comment. I just smile and say "I'm 45. It's unlikely" grin

(DD is number 5 BTW grin)

TenaciousG Sun 27-Jul-08 19:36:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Habbibu Sun 27-Jul-08 19:38:18

I'm dreading a wedding next week for precisely this reason - lots of friends are pregnant who will be there, but I had a molar pregnancy in April, which most of them don't know about. Bit up and down about it, so am hoping I can hold it together. I think many times people don't tell the whole world if they've miscarried, so these questions can be quite insensitive.

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