or very naive to think my friend could have met me for coffee?

[moulesfrites]

I am pg with first child. My friend has a ds of 18 months. She has been texting me for a while to say we should meet up, but everytime I suggest anything she cannot make it. Today I text her to sugest we meet up next Wed or Thurs, but she replied saying she couldn't as she is going on holiday on Fri and so would be busy. I was only suggesting a coffee, and I have friends with 2, 3 and 4 dcs who I know wouldn't miss out on the opportunity for a catch up. I know that going away with a toddler will be streesful but surely she could spare half and hour two days before she went away? This isn't the first time she has done this kind of thing. Am I being hopelessly naive in thinking this was a reasonable request - will I do the same when dc1 is born? Or is she subtly saying she just doesn't want to see me? I worry that she is cutting herself off. Her and her dp are both teachers and therefore off at the mo - so he could have surely looked after the dc for a bit?

[moondog]

I wouldn't bother with her if she can't be bothered with you.

[amner]

Sounds a bit odd to me.

[myredcardigan]

It could be any of those reasons. She could be avoiding you but it's more likely she's just rushed off her feet. Not just with her toddler but perhaps on those days leading up to their holiday she has lots she has to get, I always do.

I'd just leave it until she's back from holiday then call and try to arrange a time.

[Earlybird]

How long have you been friends, and how long since you've seen each other?

[moulesfrites]

Been friends a couple of years, used to work together. Usually meet up every couple of months and text often - I live further away now and was going to drive the hour or so it would take to meet up in her locality...

[Weegle]

well if it takes an hour to get to you she'd feel pretty rude if she only hung round for half an hour, or I would. And you don't know what her and her DH's plans are. I would pick up the phone and make a date in the diary for when you get back. If she fobs you off then, then leave the ball in her court and wish her a nice holiday.

[moulesfrites]

Thanks for the advice everyone

[Smithagain]

If she's a teacher with an 18 month old and they are going on holiday imminently, I think this could genuinely be a very awkward time to fit a coffee date in.

All the teachers I know have been running on empty for the last couple of weeks, staggering to the end of a very long term. And it definitely takes me at least three days to get ready for a holiday with small children.

But you did say it's not the first time. Maybe have another go at the end of the holidays. If she's still making excuses, it might be time to stop trying. Or accept that her life is extremely full (teaching plus 18mo would equate to extremely full) and just keep in touch as best you can.

[IAmMummy]

I have an 18 month old ds, and up until fairly recently made excuses not to meet up with friends. I have had mild Pnd and the thought of trying to keep my son happy and quiet(ish, enough to have a conversation at least!) was enough to have me crying off, making random excuses for why I couldn't make it.

I'm not suggesting your friend has pnd, but maybe the thought of getting a lively toddler out, on top of getting ready for her holiday (no easy feat with children 'helping' lol) was too much to think about?

Hopefully you will meet up when she gets back

[Shoegazer]

I'm just wondering if she has already declined to meet you Monday or Tuesday or whether you have texted her and said that you can only make Thursday and Friday. If its the first, then this is perhaps just not a good week for her and maybe you should suggest something after her holiday. If its the latter then YABU because if you can only make it on Wednesday and Thursday and she can't then you can't expect her to fit in with you and not vice versa. Either way I would leave the ball in her court and ask her to suggest a time and place. Also, I don't know many 18 month olds who "do coffee".

[gagamama]

Perhaps she'd rather just leave it until she has more time to spend with you without having to gulp down her latte and dash off quickly. You might only be suggesting 'half an hour' but if you've not seen her for ages then it's quite likely that, in reality, you will spend much longer than that catching up. Wait until she's back and then suggest another day. It is annoying if she keeps saying no, though.

[nooka]

Perhaps you should try ringing up and talking to her? Texts are difficult to express anything more complex than yes/no IYSWIM.