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To not bother anymore

(22 Posts)
Dynamicnanny Sat 26-Jul-08 18:24:26

I am the friend who is always there, if someone has a bad day, I cheer them up, if someones feeling ill I send them a small gift, if a friends in hospital I send a Tesco delivery of crap, if someone needs a favour doing I do it - even if it's out of my way etc, I babysit for free.

It was my birthday recently and I realised that whilst I'm there for them they're not there for me: I inivted 18 people over a month ago and 90% rsvp'd

The night before I got 12 texts saying people couldn't come - 1 person didn't come as they don't like railway stations hmm I asked her to get a train from the station outside her house to the station outside mine (a 7 minute journey) 1 didn't have any money (it was a bbq at my house so no outgoings) another just said sorry going away - despite helping me to plan it.

On the day, another just didn't turn up and ignored my calls/texts, another who was excited about the event sent me a text that morning and said sorry she was going for a birthday meal instead. So had 2 people round for dinner - 1 kept looking at her phone and texting, all night and went after 2 hours - which is fine but made me feel that we were obviously not that important - and the remaining person stayed and we had fun despite her being a new aquaintance.

I just want people to stop taking me for a ride hmm sad so how do I learn to say No

Kimi Sat 26-Jul-08 18:44:02

((hugs)) sorry your friends have turned out to be so mean, I think you need to step back from them and let them get on with their problems so they stop taking you for granted.

Kimi Sat 26-Jul-08 18:44:37

Oh and a belated happy birthday grin

Dynamicnanny Sat 26-Jul-08 18:48:08

Thanks Kimi Off to work out where to meet new people

Backgammon Sat 26-Jul-08 18:50:12

Oh, I'm so sorry, that's really sad sad

Happy birthday, you sound like a lovely person btw.

Backgammon Sat 26-Jul-08 18:50:55

<waves at Kimi who might not recognise her but used to know her when she was a different board game>

Lovesdogsandcats Sat 26-Jul-08 18:56:29

What I would do is initiate NO more phone calls/texts/emails/visits. Those who contact you first (as long as it is not to use you as a great big ear/ask a favour) are doing so because they want to. That will tell you who you matter to.

Dynamicnanny Sat 26-Jul-08 19:02:12

I've tried that but then I get bored and text them grin I need to get a hobby and meet some new people - but how - it was so much easier to meet people when we were younger you used to just go to the park grin

electricluluarella Sat 26-Jul-08 19:04:37

oh that is horrible, you sound lovely, and it is a bit sad that people don;t give back to you.

it is bloody rude to say teh day before you cannot attend.

if you live near me, i;ll be your friend grin

mustsleep Sat 26-Jul-08 19:04:48

i would love to be your friend kimi grin

have kind of drifted from my mates after having kids but had one good mate, she had a few prbs with her relationships etc and i would always be there to help out but obv not as pfetn after havingmy own kids but still saw each other every week

when shefound ut i was expecting my 2nd she stopped coming round as often and then she split from her husband and seemed to stop coming down at all but we still chatted on th phone etc

anyway to cut a long story short one of her older friends started hanging around with her and now she has dropped me altogether it would seem. the last 6 times we have met up have been initiated by my and i have had to travel to her house and now i won;t do it anymore if she wants to get in touch she can but i am sick of making all the effort sad

mustsleep Sat 26-Jul-08 19:05:39

sorry i meant op's friend but would be yours too kimi grin

Dynamicnanny Sat 26-Jul-08 19:14:36

Well if you're near Colchester grin

electricluluarella Sat 26-Jul-08 19:24:29

oh well ! am not near there

do you ever tell your friends that their behaviour hurts you?

Dynamicnanny Sat 26-Jul-08 19:29:14


I mean how do you tell your friends that how they treat you makes you

moondog Sat 26-Jul-08 19:31:03

Good god, howfucking rude. I would have nothing to do with any of them henceforth.

Ripeberry Sat 26-Jul-08 19:38:51

What a load of selfish tw*ts! At least those 2 who turned up are your true friends!
This is the reason why i hate parties and have never bothered having them for myself as i would feel totally crushed if no-one turned up.
My DH is planing a party for me next year, but honestly i would rather go away for a couple of nights instead.
And in the future, say no to the ones that did not turn up or had really STUPID excuses as they are not worth your time and energy.
Happy birthday by the way smile

Dior Sat 26-Jul-08 19:41:26

Message withdrawn

electricluluarella Sat 26-Jul-08 19:42:04

i had convo with friend recently who had somehow not given me my birthday card until 10 days after my birthday. and she only lives down the road. she just did not get round to it, which was hurtful. i told her, which was uncomfortable, but she took it on board. sometimes people need reminding that their actions or lack thereof, have repercussions. and even a little thing, like forgetting a card, can be hurtful.

even if they don;t take it on board, you will feel better for getting it off your chest.

zwiggy Sat 26-Jul-08 19:47:21

oh god, how awful. Every weekend I think I wish someone had invited me to a bbq or a birthday party. Happy belated birthday btw, wishing you joy and success for the coming year smile

Dynamicnanny Sat 26-Jul-08 21:10:15

Thank You

Kimi Sun 27-Jul-08 01:37:09


babyignoramus Sun 27-Jul-08 10:18:59

Happy belated birthday! Where are you based - anywhere near Brighton...?

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