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to want to move from the Asian district?

(43 Posts)
Onestonetogo Sat 26-Jul-08 13:28:18

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kormachameleon Sat 26-Jul-08 13:30:44

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Onestonetogo Sat 26-Jul-08 13:43:06

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Lizzylou Sat 26-Jul-08 13:49:34

I don't think it is rascist, you want to live somewhere where you feel included and be part of a community.
My friend recently moved her 7yr old out of school as he was one of only 3 non-asian children in the class. She was really worried about it, but her son felt excluded and she didn't want him to feel that way.
YANBU

Hecate Sat 26-Jul-08 13:54:40

No, yanbu. You are not wanting to move because your neighbours are Asian (which would be very unreasonable!!). You are wanting to move because you have not been able to become friendly with your neighbours, despite you trying to make friends with them (I assume), being part of a close community is important to you and you feel isolated. That's not unreasonable at all.

amner Sat 26-Jul-08 13:57:34

I dont think YABU as long as you think you're sure you'd be happier in a more multicultural area . ie its not just asians you dont want to live next door to.

Are houses selling where you are ? If not its probably best not to make a rash decision.

I have a similar experience myself, although we would hardly consider ourselves living in a ghetto (quite the opposite in fact leafy ££ houses). I live in a cul de sac of 6 houses in a very nice part of the country. Half of the houses are owned by a muslim family. They are very nice, but keep themselves to themselves. We have been invited to weddings etc. but there's just something .........

LyraSilvertongue Sat 26-Jul-08 13:58:53

I don't think you're being racist at all - you just want to live among people where you have at least the language in common.
You're not saying you want to move because one Asian family has moved into the street - that would be racist. Not wanting to feel like the odd one out isn't.

Onestonetogo Sat 26-Jul-08 14:11:31

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Bluebutterfly Sat 26-Jul-08 14:15:47

Although this issue does highlight why alot of immigrants may feel very disinclined to to move into established "British" neighbourhoods - it must be very difficult to choose to be the odd one out, culturally and socially. Does it mean that real "assimilation" is just not possible?

amner Sat 26-Jul-08 14:20:43

Possibly... you are right Onestop. But I dont know what the answer is really.

Like yourself, I dont consider myself racist either. My neigbours are fine, language is fine, but we dont have that neighbourly thing that I thought we would have when we moved here.

And if anybody is wondering... we moved in here in the full knowledge that half the houses were owned by an asian family. It didnt matter to us then one jot.

Maybe if we were to move on now I'd think more closly about it. Which I think is quite a big change in my attitude and not particularly for the best.

MumeeeeeeIneeeeedyouuuu Sat 26-Jul-08 14:23:52

Doesn't sound racist, I don't think I'd like to live somewhere I felt uncomfortable and uninvolved in.

Hecate Sat 26-Jul-08 14:24:19

That is also true, Onestone. What about making more effort to make friends? Language barriers - well, if the people that are struggling have someone to talk to in English - won't that help them to learn? you could learn other languages too - hello, how are you, etc. Showing an interest in another persons language and culture is very flattering and a good way to break down barriers.

Re men in one room women in another...I've experienced this too. My dh is from Kenya and I have been to gatherings where the men and women seperated. It was odd at first, because I'd never experienced it, but you just have to accept it as another, equally valid way of doing things. (As it happens, the women at those gatherings were not over friendly to me, they didn't want me there, but that's another story! grin)

Onestonetogo Sat 26-Jul-08 14:46:52

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amner Sat 26-Jul-08 16:07:50

No. I dont think so. Not in the foreseeable future anyway.

I like where I live. I like my house and I like my neighbours.

Maybe its ..'better the devil you know'

bergentulip Sat 26-Jul-08 16:13:34

Why is it patronising to learn Urdu? Surely it shows someone who spekas Urdu that you are trying to make an effort and break a cultural/language barrier?

If someone speaks to me in English here in Holland, it is not necessary, I speak fluent Dutch, but they do it to appear friendly and accepting.
Vice versa, when I start speaking Dutch, people are delighted and instantly warm up a bit!

kazbeth Sat 26-Jul-08 16:14:04

"I have learnt a few sentences in Urdu but my dh hates me doing so as he says it's terribly patronizing and I agree with him so have stopped!"

why do you think this is patronising? Sounds like you're trying to make a real effort.

bergentulip Sat 26-Jul-08 16:16:04

FWIW, I'd rather be the odd one out in an area with a lot of one other nationality or culture, than live in a totally 'white middle class' area.
I'd feel a lot more uncomfortable with that. It all feels so unnatural to me, and a bit Stepford Wives. - and I am supposedly 'white middle class'....zzzzzz......

zoggs Sat 26-Jul-08 16:56:52

It is hard when your family stands out for being different.

I would love to move to an area which reflects our heritage but it is difficult to get the right balance because increasingly there are areas which are perceived as exclusively White or Black or Asian.

There are understandable reasons why certain groups of people have come to live in a particular area but what concerns me is that there are elements of racial segregation. I don't know what the answer is.

Onestonetogo, I don't think you are being racist but moving to a "non-Asian" area does not necessarily mean you will happen upon a wonderful community spirit. Some of our (white) neighbours are vile to each other.

TenaciousG Sat 26-Jul-08 17:13:49

Dead right Zoggs, I live in a predominantly white working class area, and, no kidding, there is an arrest for domestic violence/drunken disturbance pretty much every weekend. There are also puddles of sick on the pavement every weekend morning. The interaction of mums with their dcs is mainly shout like a fishwife first, ask questions later, and when we take a turn about the park of an afternoon, dp is the only dad who hasn't got a can of Stella and a spliff on the go. (And before anyone gets on at me, dp and I are wwc by birth. So ner. )

bergentulip Sat 26-Jul-08 17:17:47

Why do people just want to live in areas that 'reflect their heritage' though? I find that so booooo-ring. If I felt out of place somewhere, I'd assume it was my own fault for not trying to integrate a bit more. You just have to know the right way to start chatting and get to know eachother.

Language can be a huge barrier, but with a lot of good will I am sure it cannot stop one another being good neighbours to eachother...

<<idealist emoticon>>

Onestonetogo Sat 26-Jul-08 18:42:44

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zoggs Sat 26-Jul-08 19:04:15

Sorry to bore you bergentulip wink but I think it is important to feel that you belong in your own community and being neighbourly works both ways. Yes, sometimes (rarely) I do feel out of place but no amount of trying harder is going to get us an invite from the family over the road if they happen to be BNP voters.

Where you live is part of your identity and if your neighbours think you are different some (a minority I hope) may treat you differently. Some may avoid you, others may over compensate by being extra welcoming. I remember one neighbour who was absolutely desperate for his DD to be best friends with my DD just to prove how integrated and liberal he was. Imagine his horror when his DD said she didn't want to play with my DD because her hair was too frizzy. I did find his attitude a little patronising but he got his come-uppance.

zoggs Sat 26-Jul-08 19:09:51

Onestonetogo, totally understand how you feel about being a minority. You are not being racist. Live where you feel happy.

Mercy Sat 26-Jul-08 19:12:54

Ok, so it's a street not a district.

When I was a child we were the only family with an Asian father in our street (and in fact the district).

What about your dc school? Your and/or your dp's workplace?

bergentulip Sat 26-Jul-08 19:31:34

Yes, good point Zoggs.
If you live amongst a bunch of small minded idiots, it's hard to feel at home.

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