to think my dh's company is full of crap

[DonnyLass]

am hacked off big time with the attitude in dh's company that's all for single folks without families and puts unfair pressure on those who have families ...

For example, DH got asked sarcastically 'did you have a good time last night' a few weeks back by boss when he didn't go to a summer party that finished at 0100 and then had people going back into london to then make their way home ... he said, 'yes it was great hanging out with my family ... especially as I was away all the week and weekend before and hadn't seen them properly for 10 days with work stuff'

boss was a bit astonished actually

it really fecks me off

also regularly gets told to participate in TCs that START at 8pm etc etc etc

and eyebrows raised if he leaves work 'early' at 1830 to get train (hours are 0900--1730)

and a few weeks ago the senior group were told that 'the lash club; (yes they have a budget and an actual club dedicated to the art of getting pissed) had complained to HR that senior people weren't going to the lashy-events ... and the boss agreed that they should attend more

there's FUCK ALL for families/partners etc

and yet they are in the sunday times top10 list as being a great company to work for and were recently on tv as having great benefits and good employee atmosphere

yes -- if you are 23, single, want to get pissed a lot or want to be at work/with work colleagues all the time

AIBU to think there need to be some changes and respect for people who work there who have families? What should be suggested?

[Katisha]

Stick this in the Home Front threads - this is exactly the sort of thing MN needs to be feeding back to the equal opportunities people.

YANBU It is just ridiculous, backward looking and dangerous.

[DonnyLass]

how do i do that?

[Katisha]

Erm not quite sure.

Repost it here maybe?

[DonnyLass]

did -- ta!

[Turniphead1]

I like your DH's response to his boss. How cool is he?

TBH I did all the boozing after work thing in my 20s when I worked for a large law firm in the City. It was great then, but fairly vacuous. I remember at the time thinking that the guys in their 30s /40s who were still doing it, instead of going home to their wife and kids were, frankly, a bit immature and sad.

Yes, the odd work piss up can be good fun. But day in and out - suggests you have very little going on in your life.

Can we have a clue to the ID of this co? They really should have more for families - a nice picnic or something would be nice.

It's amazing though - my husband works for a large german bank in City. Not one thing for children. The States is better for that type of thing (but then, they do only have about 14 days hols a year .

[DonnyLass]

I want to tell you the company ... but then I don't too ... dont want to get dh fired or into trouble ... I;m annoyed that I even feel so passionately about it and yet am taping up my own mouth ... goes totally against my principles, but we need his job ... trying to campaign from the inside as it were and through places like the homefront things mumsnet doing

[DonnyLass]

it sucks tho right ... I have been outraged about the circumstances so often ... and ranted at dh ... things like having to take a flight sunday to work away for the week and getting back the following saturday which effectively means half of two weekends are gone

I get told 'that's just how it is' and that other wives of blokes having to do that have to tolerate it too ... but I don't think I am being unreasonable and I think the environment will only change if people are gutsy enough to start saying this is not acceptable

maybe I should just shut up about it?

[wannaBe]

no yanbu.

I used to work for a large financial services organization who were very much into their team social events. To the extent they owned their own social club! And partners were very much not encouraged.

Consequently it was very incestuous, ie lots of people married to lots of other people from same company, and unfortunately a lot of those who weren't ended up having affairs with people in the company.

They too were good for benefits ie healthcare/pension/life insurance/share schemes, it was just the whole "team" thing that annoyed me. Oh and their constant pushing of charity down peoples' throats - they were heavily into giving to charity, to the extent that if they had a dressing down day you had to pay regardless of whether you came into work dressed down or not.

They were taken over by a large .. european financial services company a few years ago, who, while apparently not having that great a track record for their employee benefits, didn't allow socializing outside of work and the social club was sold.

[jette]

The company isn't 'a global human capital management consultancy' that starts with a 'P', is it?

[DonnyLass]

well ... unofficially they give an atmos of 'flexibility' around such things

but that's against a background of actual activities such as sarcastic comments if you work from home (enjoing the cricket then -- even tho dh actually goes to my private office that's not in our house), being called a part-timer if you leave at 1830, emails from the boss at 11pm asking for things the next day, over the weekend, during vacations etc

all gets put under the banner of 'we're so committed to the company, ra-ra aren;t we great"

but actually no -- you're running asweatshop and there are likely a lot of very unhappy families in the background because this environment is not only tolerated but encouraged

[DonnyLass]

no jette!!!!!!

[jesuswhatnext]

god, does this still go on! how pathetic

i think i must be very lucky, dh and i work for ourselves, we employ 6 other people, there are 3 young families to consider, our older family, and one other couple who have no kids (yet)

we all work around each others home lives, at the moment we have one mum working from home for the rest of the summer, one mum working a mixture office/home based (her choice when and where!) dh and i can now take our holidays 'out of season' also so does guy with no kids!

we are ALL going to paris for a christmas break, we ALL get together now and again for a bbq etc.

every now and then we go out for dinner without the kids (very nice it is too!)

we firmly belive in having a proper work life balance, family comes first or what is the bloody point!

[DonnyLass]

it does ... I've put this in the HOMEFRONT discussions so mumsnet can use as part of their research ... go see how much it still goes on ... ad put your excellent practices up there as a beacon

[findtheriver]

Is he looking for another job?

[OrmIrian]

If you are female with DCs you aren't even expected to participate in such events. Which is a relief in some ways (the dept I work for looks like a remote branch of the Adams family ) and I really do have other things to be doing with my precious free time. BUT... I sort of would like to be asked instead of assumptions being made iyswim.

[DonnyLass]

not looking for another job ... he likes his actual job and we like the money (let's be honest) ... its just the surrounding crap

and the fact that they are sanctimonious about being so great a company for their employees ... its the shallowness and superficiality that gets to me

[DonnyLass]

we have had huge discussions about it ... I explained that I needed to see at least an effort to communicate that not everyone there wanted to do the singleton pursuits and working all hours

dh is fabulous and has started speaking up more

everyone whispers away that it will all change when boss has kids ... but you know I doubt it ... if 8/10 senior board members have kids and this environment continues then Id say it's there for good?

I also get hacked off with the 'well their wives don't seem to complain' ... which may or may not be true of course ... key factor here is that none of those wives work or have had a career and so they have always assumed full parental responsibilities etc ... i am NOT starting a sahm/working mum debate here at all ... but saying the parameters are different in this situation ... if I have to make it to an early TC at work and baby is ill for eg ... it will be MY work that takes the second place etc

[findtheriver]

It sounds as though your DH is being really good about standing up for what he believes. Ultimately, I guess, you have to decide whether the benefits of the job ie the money, and the fact that he enjoys it, outweigh the disadvantages. It's unlikely things will change fundamentally if they havent so far.

[DonnyLass]

he is fab ... and I also realise that the last thing he needs is to be an a family-negative environment all day and then come home to a rancorous wife

most of the time I am able to be very supportive etc having done the high-powered job/travel and know its not always glamorous etc etc etc

just sometimes like with the sarcastic comments I just feel my blood boil and think 'this is fundamentally not right' and feel compelled to DO something

[floaty]

Jeepers my dh is also in this world ,I posted a few months back at a particularly low moment nad couldn't believe how many replies were posted ,things are not much better in fact not at all,I also get the line that that is just how it is but it makes my blood boil:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=2724&threadid=511335#10361948st

[floaty]

Sorry not sure how you link

[DonnyLass]

floaty -- are we married to the same guy

I just had the 'late home cos got pitch tmr' call and DH flying off for a 2 week trip next week

and I have toddler, and 6 mo preg and my own business to run .. and a house refyrb about to start!!!!

[claricebeansmum]

I was about to say he was a PR but there is not PR but there is a marketing agency with a lash club...

I think, having been a PR and married to one, this is sort of par for the course in this sector - it is full of prima donnas who want the best gossip about everyone and want to be seen to having a good time "working hard and playing hard" except the playing does not have to be with your work colleagues.

We have found a job move from agency to client and from London to provinces a hugely beneficial impact on family life.

[floaty]

At least I wasn't pregnant at the time but I had to do part time job,three children in tree schools and major building work on house.When I agreed to the extension he promised he would project manage it ....no chance .School holidays are here and guess what ,he has major client crisis currently he is having one day off in the whole 8 weeks ,apparently other wives do holidays with their children on their own ,including taking 4 under fives camping in wet Norfolk,I refuse to think of myself as inadequate because this is not how I see family holidays .