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To mind my nephew's behaviour?

(7 Posts)
keevamum Wed 23-Jul-08 19:34:24

I am really not sure what to do about this. Whether I am overreacting or not? Would appreciate helpful advice.

My nephew has always been extremely favoured by MIL over either of my 2 DDs but have in the main let this go. My FIL does often favour my DD1 so it sort of balances itself out IYSWIM.

However, that is not the issue. It was recently my DD's birthday party and niece and nephew were both invited although I must admit I didn't think my nephew would come as he was the only boy coming and it was a very girly party. He did come but more because he was made to by his mum. He stayed for a little bit and then went round to FIL's. After the party, actually a couple of days later my Mum who had also been at the party phoned to tell me she was really upset by my nephew's behaviour at the party. I asked why and she told me that when DD1 and a couple of friends had come inside to go to the toilet. He had followed her and started teasing her (as he usually does) and then when DD1 had pretty much ignored him as she has been told by me to do he threw a slipper at her hard. Now I am aware it was only a slipper not a boot or hard object, but she was sucking on a lollipop and it caused her to start choking a bit. She was fine though and I am aware she can be prone to over reacting. My query is I feel annoyed about this as I don't think any child of 8 should be throwing things at people soft or otherwise, but now I am in a quandary over what to do.

Do I tell my SIL and let her deal with it?
Has too much time elapsed to make any discussion about it meaningless?

This isn't the first time my nephew has been mean to her but I love him and I have accepted certain differences about him and just told DD1 to play with her other cousin instead who is younger and so really hero worships DD1. Am I being too precious about this? She was my only child for 6 years so I am quite overprotective but I am also a teacher and I would never tolerate behaviour like this at school? Basically I would like opinions or advice on how best to deal with this or any future incidences. Obviously we will continue to see them regularly but I will begin to get increasingly resentful of him if this behaviour continues. BTW he gets on well with DD2 but can be a bit mean to her too but not on the same scale.

I think the other issue is my MIL thinks the sun shines out of his backside and my DD who never does anything really wrong is always getting chastised by MIL for very minor offences such as using the wrong bin. Whereas she always smiles indulgently at nephew when he has snatched things from DD's and even broke them. I think writing this down that may even be the bigger issue here, but how do I broach that or shouldn't I?

Twiglett Wed 23-Jul-08 19:44:03

he shouldn't have thrown anything but I don't think it's that out of the norm for his age tbh .. he should have been dealt with at the time by whoever saw him

It's too late now but maybe you could mention it to his mum, I think I'd want to know

It is not your nephew's fault that your MIL favours him

I think that what happens at school is totally different from what happens at home and with family

Some 8 year olds can be mean .. but they are still infants .. just out of KS1 .. don't expect grown-up behaviour from them

HonoriaGlossop Wed 23-Jul-08 19:51:20

Agree with Twig it's too late for this occurrence, it would have to have been dealt with at the time. Did your dd not mention it to anyone at the time?

Also agree that an 8 yr old child is still very, very young and will behave immaturely when they feel vulnerable for some reason - perhaps he felt rather left out, it being a girl's party. And your dd was ignoring him (for good reason, but he was still feeling ignored) Not that that excuses throwing, but might go some way to understanding his actions.

i think you need to seperate out your understandable resentment of how he's favoured, and issues to do with his actual behaviour; and just make sure that you raise any future incidents with his mum or dad asap so that it can be dealt with.

TwoFir Wed 23-Jul-08 19:54:53

I would pass it all back to MIL to deal with as you didnt see it and its a minor offence, and maybe then she will get a bit more balence. As he gets older maybe MIL will be a bit more realistic about his behaviour. Must be annoying for you tho.

ThingOne Wed 23-Jul-08 19:56:18

Agree with the other two, too late to deal with it now.

Love2bake Wed 23-Jul-08 20:07:31

I wouldn't say anything. Just make sure the next he is around you keep a close eye on whats going on, so you can deal with it there and then.

keevamum Wed 23-Jul-08 20:17:01

Thankyou all for your very reasonable advice. I was a bit scared starting an AIBU thread as an AIBU virgin but feel you have definitely helped me to clarify my feelings about it. Yes I may mention it in passing to SIL but you're right I shouldn't make a big issue of it now and yes I agree it should have been dealt with there and then by the person who saw it, my mother, however I am gald she didn't as she was quite angry about it so she may not have reacted very calmly and could easily have escalated the issue. Also have spoken to DD1 about it and she is very blase about it and its obviously not an issue for her so I guess it shouldn't be for me either. I will make sure next time they are together thay are supervised a little bit more though.

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