to expect exH to make more of an effort to attend DS1's leaving concert this afternoon????

[FAQ]

DS1 has his last day at infant school today and they're doing a special "concert" in the hall. All of the YR2's are involved but a few have "extra" bits to do (like singing in a small choir etc) - including DS1.

Just over 2 weeks ago he (DS1) came home with a hand written invitation to both of us (which I photocopied so exH could have a copy too - and know when it was).

He said then that he'd probably come. Last night I texted him to remind him (as he'd sent a text saying "speak Saturday" about something else and I realised he'd forgotten and didn't want DS1 to be upset).

He replied to say that it wasn't "definite" would "depend on work" and tell DS1 that it was only a "maybe" for him to be there to watch him.

DS1 REALLY want him to be there (he's not been to many of their end of termt hings, and of course this one is "special" being the leavers concert).

I'm 99.99% certain that ex won't be there to watch DS1.

The "depends on work" thing is a pile of crap - he's still doing the same job that he had when we were together. He works "from home" and as long as he fits in his 37hrs a week between Monday morning, and Sunday 6pm he can do whatever hours he chooses - so long as he does a fair number of "prime" hours (4.30pm-9pm)

. He's living on his own now, so no balancing his work around me/the DS's so absolutely no reason he couldn't just take 2hrs out this afternoon to watch DS1. The concert will be finished by 3pm so he could still get 5hrs in afterwards.........

Makes me so that he can't do it for DS1 - thankfully DS1 understands that "maybe" for daddy (because of work) means "almost certainly not" and so won't be overly disappointed if he's not there.........but I'mm sure he'll still mention it to me.

[2point4kids]

It is out of order of him. Poor DS1.
YANBU to be upset about it, unfortunately though you cant make him want to be there and thats what it really comes down to.

Could you text back and say that you told DS1 its not definite, but this is really important to him and he really wants his Dad there so please can he make every effort to get there if he can... might help?

[FAQ]

oh and to add insult to injury no thanks to him I made a right tit of myself this morning.

The local corner shop is run by Zimbabweans a lovely couple who frequently give my DS's a packet of sweets or crisps for free when I pop in for milk/bread etc.

It was ex who got to know them properly first, but I get on well with them too, and every time I go they always tell me how their family and friends in Zim are doing.

So I waltzed in this morning asked happily how everyone was only to be met with the response

"my mother died yesterday morning I rang xx (ex) to tell him but didn't have your number"...

Now I spoke to ex last night for about 10 minutes on the phone, and we even mentioned the shop - and he didn't say a word arghhhh never felt so uncomfortable for a LONG time.

[FAQ]

2p4k - yes I know I can't make him want to be there. He's trying so hard to still be "there" for the DS's (and I suppose isn't doing a bad job - see's them fortnightly, and has just moved houseshare again - this time with a friend - so that there'll be a spare room the DS's can sleep in when he has them - meaning more frequent overnight stays, and whole weekends, rather than just one night).

He just doesn't seem to understand (and was the same when we were still together) that things like him being there for things like this leavers concerts means SO much to the DS's.

If he was in an office job, or had a long commute to work etc then I wouldn't feel so bad - it's the lot of a working parent not to be able to attend this sort of thing sometimes - but his job is incredibly flexible and there's nothing stopping him from coming.

[FAQ]

well - knock me down with a feather - he turned up! nearly 40 minutes late - so only saw the last 10 minutes - but he came - and DS1 saw him and said to me just now "DADDY CAME" with a huge grin on his face....

So - I suppose at least he made some effort to get there - even if he was rather late.