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AIBU?

To want a new kitchen?

19 replies

MadameCheese · 23/07/2008 10:28

The boiler has been moved and left a whacking great hole. I hate the kitchen and there's not enough room for stuff so it's always a mess. I'm at home whilst hubby is at work and find it depressing. My point is he says we don't need it and doesn't want the upheaval of having a new one fitted. What do you think? All the savings we have have come from money given to us by my side of the family. I would have it done when he works away from home. He does practically nothing around the house and certainly hardly ever ventures into the kitchen. Frankly I'm pretty pissed off with him about it.

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3littlefrogs · 23/07/2008 10:33

Not unreasonable at all IMO.

I had 15 years of horrible, tatty, inconvenient kitchen. I am having it refitted this year (having saved up forever).

Had I been able to have it done 15 years ago when the children were small, my life would have been transformed. When you have small children you spend most of your waking hours in the kitchen. It is the most important room in the house. Men do not understand this unless they are full time stay at home parents.

MadameCheese · 23/07/2008 10:34

Thank you! Then why is he being such an arse about it?

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JulesJules · 23/07/2008 10:35

YANBU. Can you just say those things to him - it's a mess, you find it's depressing, you will have it done while he is not there? It is money well spent, not just for those reasons, but it is also a good investment as it will add value to the house.

hearnoevil · 23/07/2008 10:38

"All the savings we have have come from money given to us by my side of the family"

i really don't see the relevance of this.
is all the money he earns from work more his than yours?
surely it is family money regardless of source.

Pannacotta · 23/07/2008 10:38

Because he isn't there much and so isn't bothered/affected by it.
As 3littlefrogs says, if he was at home all day then it would probably fast become a priority, unless he is someone who is very unaware of his environment.
If I were you I'd arrange it without his agreement, or at least start getting in quotes for a re-fit, that might increase his interest.

3littlefrogs · 23/07/2008 10:39

Because he is not a full time stay at home parent.

My DH is a lovely man. He works very long hours and is away from home a lot.

For that reason, he does not understand the difference the layout and functionality of rooms can make to the day to day business of caring for children and running a home.

He is not lazy or selfish - but he genuinely has no idea.

I have therefore had to save up the money myself for the kitchen - our priorities are not the same.

MadameCheese · 23/07/2008 10:43

I take you point hearnoevil but he is perfectly happy to spend the money on things he wants, a new car for instance whilst his motorbike festers in the garage.

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MadameCheese · 23/07/2008 10:48

Believe me I've tried discussing it on this level with him before now but his wishes always seem to outweigh mine in his opinion.

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hearnoevil · 23/07/2008 10:48

that's definitely a problem and something you should address as he shouldn't be allowed spend money without consultation if you are not.
i was just pointing out that it was a dangerous route to go down trying to lay claim to money/savings due to its source. i know exactly the kind of response posters on here usually get when they have to ask their partner for money or someones dp says that savings are theirs because they work for it. and that response is rightly "it's not his money, it's family money / give him a kick up the backside" etc.
that was my only point, other than that i pretty much agree with you.

iwouldgoouttonight · 23/07/2008 11:01

I'd definitely get some quotes together and then you can give him the facts about how much it would cost - he might think it will cost more than it really will. You can get a nice modern looking kitchen without spending thousands.

We fitted out own kitchen a couple of years ago - admittedly the room is tiny, but there was only really two or three days when we couldn't use anything in the kitchen - so just ate things from the freezer/microwaved/etc for those days and then back to normal. So if someone else fitted it for you it might be even quicker and less disruption. And if you have it done when he is away he won't be disrupted at all!

I'd definitely tell him about it putting up the value of the house too!

rebelmum1 · 23/07/2008 11:05

You can do it quite cheaply these days we have had units made by a local carpenter and used our builder to do a lot of work making ours right. Shop around.

lizziemun · 23/07/2008 11:05

I would get quotes, and prove to him that you can afford to pay for it with out taking on any debt.

Perhaps you could use the fact that it will add value to your property to encourage him to agree.

rebelmum1 · 23/07/2008 11:07

someone said to us yeah will cost at least 10k or such nonsense, well you can do loads for much less, you can just get your cupboards replaced these days and keep the old carcasses, local cabinet makers make high quality units that are bespoke at a much lower cost than some off the shelf multi-produced stuff.

rebelmum1 · 23/07/2008 11:09

Just set about doing it, don't try and get his buy in, present your argument in a positive assertive way 'I'm going to do this, i've checked costs, it will add value yada yada'

rebelmum1 · 23/07/2008 11:11

I find if you ask people they automatically look for objections whereas if you present them with a fait accomplis they're more likely to go along.

Pannacotta · 23/07/2008 12:06

Totally agree rebelmum, I find this approach def works best when my DH is relucant about such matters.

Sim43 · 23/07/2008 12:17

Did you get to decide whether he had a motorbike or not? If not, if you can afford a new kitchen, go for it. My ex had a motorbike that we simply could not afford. The insurance was obscene! He loved it so much I think even if we had got severely into debt he would not have sold it! I agree with Lizziemum, at least it will add value to your property.

MadameCheese · 23/07/2008 12:36

We did our living room as it was hideous and put in a wood burner. DH was dead set against it and gave same sorts of arguments against and now he loves it! Maybe I should just remind him of that . Actually I didn't want him to get the motorbike but that was for safety reasons more than anything. Thanks everyone I will keep plugging and get some quotes.

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rebelmum1 · 23/07/2008 12:45

ah you have the clincher of he has a motorbike he doesn't have a leg to stand one

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