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to want to knock h out after this comment?

(46 Posts)
ALMummy Sun 20-Jul-08 20:46:27

Obviously not going to but wanting to greatly.

Today talking about my job search. He has a good job, he enjoys and is off on a jolly with work to Europe in a couple of weeks, on top of his other boys abroad trips he has taken in the last year. We have had one family holiday in that time so had a little moan about how I wished we were going away. H says "Well it is no point moaning, I made this job happen for myself, you need to get your act together and make it happen for yourself if you want the perks that go with working". Yes you complete twunt, you are right you did make this happen for yourself, while I provided 24 hour a day childcare and you never got up in the night with one of your children even once in their lives, while we lived on crap crap money so you could "make things happen for yourself". I am a SAHM and couldn't get a job because he works odd shifts and you never know from one week to the next what he will be on.

I would love to make things happen for myself in a similar way but will I have 24 hour a day child care and the domestic back up that he has in order to do so? I don't farkin think so angry. It will be some crappy, fit in with the family job. I am livid. So AIBU, AM I?!?!??????

StellaWasADiver Sun 20-Jul-08 20:47:56

Ooh YANBU, has he apologised? I would be livid.

poppy34 Sun 20-Jul-08 20:48:11

yanbu -he sounds a prince among men...

constancereader Sun 20-Jul-08 20:48:41

No you are in no way being unreasonable.
I would be seriously pissed off.

mazzystar Sun 20-Jul-08 20:48:41

you are not being in the slightest bit unreasonable

he needs in a lesson in appreciating you

pedilia Sun 20-Jul-08 20:49:27

YANBU he is being very unfair

WinkyWinkola Sun 20-Jul-08 20:50:21

Absolutely not.

He clearly has no idea of the graft and juggling it takes to manage a family and a job.

I would book myself a weekend away in a spa and leave him to cope with the children himself.

Do you not work as a team? Do you not get any perks for him doing so well financially? Because it is also down to you, your support and managing so well on the home front that he is able to do so well at work.

Aren't you in this together?

He sounds a bit selfish to me. And he doesn't really seem aware of the effort and work you put in.

BetteNoire Sun 20-Jul-08 20:52:34

Let him read this thread.

He sounds rather self-centred.
And not very aware of how the world works.

Rather like my 10 year old, in fact.

constancereader Sun 20-Jul-08 20:52:38

Start to bill him for all the unpaid work you do.

Hassled Sun 20-Jul-08 20:54:33

Aree - he sounds gob-smackingly immature. He sounds like he has absolutely no concept of what family life should entail.

Hassled Sun 20-Jul-08 20:55:03

agree, even

PussinJimmyChoos Sun 20-Jul-08 20:55:33

Go on strike...he will soon change his tune! The twat!

Liska Sun 20-Jul-08 20:56:29

Tell him you want a serious talk. Then tell him you have decided to take him up on it, and make things happen for yourself.

He therefore has one month's notice that he will be responsible for all childcare and domestic responsibilities 24 hours a day. Oops, sorry, does that mean he has to give up his job?

On second thoughts, he probably won't get it.

I am seething for you, and plotting revenge.

Actually, I think that winky has the best idea - you need to let him do everything for at least a couple of days (and make sure he has a list of the things that need doing).

ALMummy Sun 20-Jul-08 21:13:58

I have tried all this apart from disappearing for a couple of days. I couldn't do that to my dc. I would never hear the end of it either. It is not the first time he has come out with comments like that. I am seriously considering chucking him out tbh. I don't get any back up anyway so maybe just better going it alone.

I would be interested to know if there are any others out there whose husbands or partners never once got up during the night with their dc. I can't be alone in that can I?

If all else fails has anyone got any boxing gloves I could borrow?

TurkeyLurkey Sun 20-Jul-08 21:16:10

Tell him to read this, long but very true:

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was
spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothe s, looking fo r his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.
As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?'

'Yes,' was his incredulous reply.
She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it.'


ALMummy Sun 20-Jul-08 21:18:56

He reckons I have it easy now that I am no longer breastfeeding. The hard part is over now apparently.

divastrop Sun 20-Jul-08 21:25:04

my xp never got up during the night with the dc.he also thought i sat on my arse all day while he worked to provide for me and ds1.

oh,and he also beat the crap out of me on a few occasions.

ALMummy Sun 20-Jul-08 21:32:57

Well, he sounds like a real catch divastrop and not dissimilar to my own Prince Charming.

tiredandgrumpy Sun 20-Jul-08 21:36:24

Another message of support from me. dh told me the other day that I didn't earn my way. I work p-t, juggle all childcare arrangements, manage house & all the usual. Not quite sure how that one works, either.

ALMummy Sun 20-Jul-08 21:40:29

Oh what a bunch of tw*ts these men are! I just want to be alone forever if I have to as long as I don't have to listen to one more minute of nonsense about how easy I have it and how he has supported me for the past fark knows how many years. No you haven't "supported" me if I am watching every penny and bringing up two kids virtually single handedly while you piss off on 3 day benders.

windygalestoday Sun 20-Jul-08 21:47:24

my dh never got up with our 3 children,rarely did nappies certainly never did laundry (only for few weeks fter ds3 was born as i was seriously ill)never goes to prents evenings or clothes shopping for jobs have always fitted in with the children BUT he puts all his wages into our joint account and never begrudges me a penny and will readily admit he couldnt do my job!

themoon66 Sun 20-Jul-08 21:47:45

Just read the OP out to my DH.

He says you should take yourself off to a spa (thinking champney here) and leave him to 'make it happen' whilst dealing with day to day domestic shite.

very angry for you.

julesrose Sun 20-Jul-08 22:14:28

Am speechless. Hard on- line I know.

sabire Mon 21-Jul-08 05:55:42

My dh never once got up in the night when our three were tiny - but it worked out that way because he was doing long hours at work and I was bf. I didn't resent him for it (well - not much, it didn't make sense for him to be up as the children wanted me and my boobs).

I'm prepared to suck it all up - the fact he thinks I do nothing all day, the fact he thinks my p/t work is trivial, the fact that he makes decisions unilaterally about what to do with 'his' money, because him going out to work has enabled me to study and do something I truly love (even if it's not well paid). I feel sorry for dh that he's got his nose to the grindstone 12 hours a day while I get to read and waste time on mumsnet all day. I think it's a fair trade off for getting up at night for years on end!

Grrlscout Mon 21-Jul-08 07:53:33

I have steam coming out of my ears after reading the OP! YANBU times ten!

Job hunting can be absolutely soul-destroying. I know you don't have much time right now, but is there any way you can take up something fun to do that's away from the kids and tending Mr Fantabulous? It would give you a break, build your confidence, and train DH in the realities of what it will be like when you're back at work.

Seriously, even a belly dancing class one night a week or something like that would probably make a world of difference. (I say belly dancing because that's what I chose when I needed an away-from-home boost) £50 for 12 weeks works out to just over £4 a week. Bet your DH spends more on that on coffees in a day. ;)

Don't ask him to help with childcare for the evening or the day you need - just tell him. Say "I am taking this class on Wednesday nights and I need you home by then. Please put it in your diary." If he complains, ask him how he plans to help you make things happen. I have a high-stress job with erratic hours myself, and I can tell you that when I told my employer that I absolutely could not work late (or would need to leave and come back to work) on set days that they accommodated me. Don't take any BS off of him if he tells you otherwise.

Sounds really selfish, but take it from me - men like this will smell any waffleyness or uncertainty and will push the situtation to meet their needs. You might need a backup plan for childcare if his work absolutely won't accommodate him on having set days or times away - but then again, you might want to tell him that he needs to:

"Well it is no point moaning, I made this job (course or whatever you fancy doing) happen for myself, you need to get your act together and make it happen for yourself if you want the perks that go with working" (for a decent company).^


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