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for saying NO to disney princess and Bratz

(63 Posts)
knockedup Sun 20-Jul-08 11:31:43

I've just really insulted my MIL but I really don't think I'm being unreasonable.....or am I?

DD is 2.5. Her cousin is a year older. MIL buys the girls exactly the same thing for birthdays and christmas. It's what she did with her own children and what she does with me and 2 SIL's, her sons. I't wierd we all get the same thing! Anyway, my DD gets whatever older cousin wants except they're 2 complete opposites and it's really starting to annoy me.

My DD is a tomboy. A jeans and t-shirt kind of girl who loves running about and scrapping in the park mainly with boys! She is in touch with her feminine side too but not in a prissy girly way.

Her cousin is hugely into disney princess, baby alive and Bratz! she is always dressed up in a princess dress. Fine but I feel MIL is wasting her money buying my DD all this crap as she just isn't interested in it and I really don't want her to be.

Anyway - she turned up yesterday with a Jasmine top from Disney princess which is basically a boob tube with puff sleeves because her older cousin's got one and I said very nicely that I was really grateful for all the lovely clothes and hand me downs we've had recently but I didn't think this top is age appropriate for a 2.5 year old.

My MIL looked totally insulted and tried to dismiss me as being over the top and that 'it'll not do her any harm' so feeling bad I relented and said she can have it for dress up but I hate it now (maybe I'm over reacting) Can't she just look at my DD for who she is and buy her a blimming board game or colouring books or something that she's going to use and like, and not what she thinks girls should like.

Or am I wasting my time trying to prevent my DD becoming a Bratz girl?

nkf Sun 20-Jul-08 11:33:06

It is unreasonable to insult someone by rejecting a gift. It's also hurtful.

NoBiggy Sun 20-Jul-08 11:34:11

They do seem to get sucked into it...

Nevertheless, it's the thought that counts with gifts, isn't it? And not a lot of thought going on here, by the looks of it.

lazaroulovesleggings Sun 20-Jul-08 11:35:57

I would say 'thank you very much' and then lob it in the back of the wardrobe never to be seen again.

Honestly, she should pick up on the things your dd likes to wear. I also agree that the top sounds innappropriate for a 2 year old.

You were polite in the way that you told her, so yanbu.

nametaken Sun 20-Jul-08 12:06:32

YABU - whenever someone gives you a gift you need to smile, thank them politely, tell them it's just what you always wanted.

If you don't like the gift just donate it to a charity shop afterwards.

Bumperlicious Sun 20-Jul-08 12:08:37

But if the MIL insists on continually giving the same type of present it's going to be a waste. Could you not just say it's not what she is really into, and make other suggestions?

juuule Sun 20-Jul-08 12:12:06

Say thank you very much and leave it up to your dd as to whether she wants to wear it or not.
Does your dd really not like these things or is it that you don't want your dd to have these things?
Drop hints as to what your dd would like as present a week or two before her birthday or christmas or whatever.

JammyQueenOfTheSewers Sun 20-Jul-08 12:13:54

I agree that if you can say it politely, it should be OK to thank you, this is lovely but in future it might be preferable to DD if she could have ... I agree with Bumper that otherwise you'll continue getting a load of unwanted stuff and a lot of money will be wasted. Perhaps use that as a way of suggesting your MIL might consider alternatives? "You know it's such a shame to see these things sitting unused and I'm sure you'd rather not waste your money..."

MrsWeasley Sun 20-Jul-08 12:16:03

We have had loads of presents that we didnt like for various reasons. We put them in a big box and took them to pre-school/nursery when they had a christmas fayre.

JammyQueenOfTheSewers Sun 20-Jul-08 12:16:06

Having said that I often get given horrid stuff (IMO) from my Mum, and I always smile and say thank you. I do try and enthuse wildly when she gets it right though.

wannaBe Sun 20-Jul-08 12:16:16

I think yes and no.

Rejecting a gift is very wrong IMO. What message are you giving to your dd if you openly reject things that other people have bought for her? You are teaching her that it would be ok to say to someone "I don't like this present" which it really is not - it is very rude, ungrateful, bad manners, and if someone said that to me I wouldn't buy them a present ever again.

But I would try to talk to your mil about what dd is into. make a point of telling her what she likes and "dd keeps on asking for xxx for her birthday/christmas/<<insert present-giving opportunity of your choosing>>". If she then continues to buy tat then just say thank you very much and either get rid or let your dd decide for herself whether she does/doesn't like it.

As for not wanting her to get into Brats/disney princess I again can totally see your point, but sadly children will get into whatever they want and there's not all that much we can do about it really. I detest power rangers, I think they're violent and horrible and I would prefer my ds never decides to like them. But while I can hate them, I have to bring my ds up to make decisions for himself about what he does/doesn't like, as long as it is appropriate for his age.

knockedup Sun 20-Jul-08 12:19:27

yeah I think enough's enough and we need to say 'look, thanks very much but DD is not into what her cousins into - she's into.....' and give her a list of things she can buy DD for Christmas/birthdays.

This is the kind of situation you can get into by continually smiling at naf presents, saying thanks and never telling the person. Have never done it in my life as feel it's very rude, I think sometimes you need to. I don't want MIL wasting her money and the presumption that DD is exactly the same as her cousin really irritates me!

When I buy people presents, I think of that person and think what they might like and then buy it for them.

MIL is simply buying 2 of each of whatever older cousin likes. I don't like it that's all and couldn't help saying so (albeit politely)

JammyQueenOfTheSewers Sun 20-Jul-08 12:49:04

Maybe try to have a word before the next obvious present opportunity, and then you are not actually rejecting a gift, which I agree is rude.

Hannah81 Sun 20-Jul-08 12:49:29

I agree with you, YANBU - boob tubes are NOT for 2.5yr olds - in my opinion, and its just an opinion, children that start off like this will expect to be allowed to wear tiny items of inappropriate clothing when they are in their teens. My DS1 is only 3 and a half and in nursery, you see so many little boys with hair gel on - spikes perfectly symmetrical! I HATE it!!! Little boys (and in your case, little girls) should be just that - little boys and girls - NOT miniature versions of David Beckhams and Britney Spears. They grow up so fast, lets keep their innocence a liite longer?!
And from what i've seen of Bratz (maybe i'm wrong) but i get the impression of it being far too sexualised - makeup etc... i would see it as being too old for a 3and a half year old, let alone a 2and a half year old.
my little boy is in to cars, trains etc... NOT the latest ipod, football kit and hair gel!
Like i said before, let them grow up in their own time and lets not rhrust it upon them.

serenity Sun 20-Jul-08 12:54:35

I actually don't think YABU, but maybe it's because we have similar MILs grin

There is no point in letting someone continue to buy completely inappropriate gifts just to be polite. If it was a one off, fine, you smile sweetly and shove it in the back of a cupboard but if they do it all the time surly it's more polite to tell them?
Me and my MIL have come to an agreement about gifts (we both compromised!) but it had to be done. One example is that she bought DNiece a mobile for her 9th bithday and told DS1 she would get him one too, he was 8.5 at the time so I had to put my foot down and say no way. Should I have let him have it to be polite? A £50 phone?

My MIL is lovely, but when it comes to presents for the DCs, is absolutely bonkers and off at a tangent grin

Hannah81 Sun 20-Jul-08 12:55:19

I dont think its rude to reject a present if it was not age appropriate - would you give your child a knife simply because it was bought for them? or would you tell the buyer that it was inappropriate? - i would certainly go with the latter.

juuule Sun 20-Jul-08 13:01:22

I presume the top was sized for a 2.5yo and in that respect was age-appropriate and in the eyes of mil suitable for a 2.5yo. A knife is a completely different thing altogether as I don't think they do them for 2.5yo unless they are the plastic harmless things you get for teasets or playing pirates.
I think the op judged the jasmine top inappropriate for age based on her own ideals. Which is fair enough.

JammyQueenOfTheSewers Sun 20-Jul-08 13:04:28

Of course there are things that are just SO innapropriate that you have to say something (ie a knife).

Hannah81 Sun 20-Jul-08 13:06:04

what i meant to say was if it was from someone close in your family then i dont think its rude to reject it, but if it was at your childs birthday party from somone who isn't close, then yes in that instace i believe it to be rude - but mil's should really know what their gc are into, without you having to tell them. - sometimes they need a shove in the right direction.

Hannah81 Sun 20-Jul-08 13:11:04

ok, so a knife is to the extreme, but this was just to demonstrate that its not rude in all circumstances - some things you can turn a blind eye to, but others you can't tolerate. - if i had a 2.5yr old DD i would say something if she was bought a boob tube and was expected to wear it! and clearly her DD hasn't had anything from her GM that she is interested in - i see no problem in telling her that she shouldn't keep buying them.

VictorianSqualor Sun 20-Jul-08 13:15:52

I had a thread about MiL constantly buying winnie-the-pooh, which I hate, recently.

YANBU to choose what your daughter wears.

donnie Sun 20-Jul-08 13:19:02

there is a bit of difference though between the disney princesses and the bratz IMO. I am not bothered about the former which I see as fluffy and pink and anodyne, whereas the bratz look like child whores IMO.

donnie Sun 20-Jul-08 13:19:25

plus their eyes are weird.

nkf Sun 20-Jul-08 13:22:15

Imagine if you bought a present in all innocence, thinking "I'll get both my lovely granddaughters a FILL IN BLANK."

I think if the intention was good and she's generally a nice lady, it was a bit mean to hurt her feelings.

And appropriate is such a weasel word. That would have irritated me.

Nighbynight Sun 20-Jul-08 13:29:11


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