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To feel a bit upset with my mum?

(12 Posts)
feelingharddoneby Sun 20-Jul-08 08:56:51

I have just come off the phone to my SIL. My nephew is now 4 months old. She told me that my mum has set up a savings account for him with £1000 to start it off and a £30 a month standing order. She has never done this for DD and although she's good with christmas / birthday presents its not the same thing. I've even asked her to give DD cash instead as we have enough plastic tat and clothes.

This is in the context that we live in rented and she gave my brother £10000 towards a deposit on a house but has said she can't afford to help me with one. Despite that she harresses me about the fact that we've not brought one and says we should be thinking about DD's future.

Sorry I come across as selfish, greedy and grasping but can't help feeling a bit hard done by.

posieflump Sun 20-Jul-08 08:57:54

god that's crap, she should treat all her gc fairly

pinkspottywellies Sun 20-Jul-08 08:59:28

I can see why you're feeling hard done by. Especially as she's making comments about you not buying a house.

zookeeper Sun 20-Jul-08 09:00:49

you don't come across as selfish at all - it's your mum's perogative to do what she likes with her money but if I were you I would feel very hurt and angry that she would treat my child differently to her other grandchild

YANBU at all

Love2bake Sun 20-Jul-08 09:07:17

Its not greedy at all. Your mum should treat you and your brother equally.

Are you very open with your mum, can you speak to her about it?

aGalChangedHerName Sun 20-Jul-08 09:07:25

My mum is the same so YANBU. Bought my db a car,motorbike,took him on an all inclusive holiday and generally bails him out and throws money at him for whatever he needs.

We were really struggling a few months ago (2 mindees parents didn't pay me) and when i told her she wasn't in the least bit bothered. Didn't occur to her that feeding my 4 dc would be hard that month.

You have to let it go and get over it. I am not being harsh but i wasted the last 20 odd years on my parents. They are not worth it.

Hope you can get through this xx

MrsTittleMouse Sun 20-Jul-08 09:10:12

Obviously you can't dictate to your Mum how she spends her own money, but no wonder you're feeling so hard done by! I'm always shocked when grandparents treat grandchildren so differently.
As for nagging you to buy a house when you can't afford one, but she gave your brother £10,000 - shock

aGalChangedHerName Sun 20-Jul-08 09:15:42

My mum also favours my db's eldest dd. She has a cupboard of stuff she keeps at her house for when she stays, clothes and art stuff etc. Doesn't provide anything for my db's other 3 dc. Has had my neice to stay for 2 weeks of the summer break already and is having to have my other neice to stay today,favourite obv has to go home which my mum is not happy about. Has said she can't stand my other neice because she is like her mother,my db's ex shock

Makes me wonder what she thinks of my dc sad

bonnibaby Sun 20-Jul-08 09:44:14

YANBU i would be very hurt ,
have you told her how you feel?

noonki Sun 20-Jul-08 09:51:01

that is horrendous behaviour... have you ever discussed it with your brother?

my mum definately favouritises my eldest nephew, my sister hates it because she gives him too much attention and acts a real brat around her, lovely the rest of the time.

I was upset for a while, but after talking to my sister and finding out that she doesn't like it, i feel sorry for my sis.

But your situation is far worse, you have every right t o be upset but need to work a way around it

Miaou Sun 20-Jul-08 09:57:16

How terribly sad. I have been in the opposite position of being the favourite granddaughter, and when my gran drew up her will my parents were surprised that she wasn't planning to leave me more money than the other grandchildren. I was mortified at the suggestion (and very glad that my gran felt the same way!)

naturalblonde Sun 20-Jul-08 22:08:21

My parents remortgaged their house to give my brother £80,000 towards his. They also gave him a company to run (which, admittedly he does for very little money, hence the help with hte mortgage), even though I had been working for them for 10 years, I had gone part time as I went to uni, and in the meantime, my bro finished uni and started running a subsidary company for them.

They gave me £2000 towrds my first house.

They honestlydon't see te problem I have with this.

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