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to think that is kind of discrimination and to be quite p****d off about it all?

(95 Posts)
3andnomore Fri 18-Jul-08 11:13:35

Well, I suppose first you all would have to know what it is all about...anyhow, here goes...

my ds3 is going to start school in September and he will possibly be one of the youngest, as he only turns 4 in a few weeks time (hence me being possibly a bit worrired about it more then I was, say with my ds2)...!
Because the nursery that is directly attached to the school is, imo, not a particular good one and also because ds3 is a very sensitive child and he was used to his Nursery, which he visited once he had turned 2 I kept him at the Nursery which he was used too. It was a more suitable environment in my opinion. Well, he always went in the mornings and no one at school asked ask us or anything (but they did ask in the Nursery itself, which told them). However, after the Holidays he is for the first 2 weeks, when they are having their part time period in reception placed into the afternoon session, because they already have to many Kids in the morning session. Because, the children that visited the schools own nursery are basically prioritized to stay in the session time which they already did whilst in nursery(this means the afternoon group only consist of something like 7 children and about 18 are int he morning session).
And I believe that is discriminating against all the Kids that, for whatever reason, did not go to that schools nursery. These parents actually were asked if maybe they would consider to change into afternoons for that period, I was never consulted about this. And, yes, I do take issue with that.
Now, I went yesterday and spoke to the Headmistress( is that what you call a female headmaster?) about this and came out more fuming then I went in, tbh...but I hope I hid it well enough, but it gave me a sleepness night, as I was mulling over our conversation, which was NOT to succesful.
Basically I told her, that in the light of my childs young age I think it would be a bit confusing if he suddenly goes afternoons, especially as we obviously take ms in the mornings to school....she said: oh he won't even notice as he is to little, and also, that I was just going to have to tell him why he can't go in the mornings....(o.k. I thought....not a particular satisfactory answer....). She thinks it's not confusing and also really NOT that important at all.
SO, I said, but if it isn't so important, why is such great care taken to keep the children that attendet your own nursery in the same session time? She didn't really answer this question, it was more a because it's how it is...(not very satisfactory neither, imo)....So, I said, that I believe that that is discriminating against children that have not visited the schools own nursery....she denied it was discrimination and just said that, those children of course are prioritized because they are already part of the school by being in that Nursery and that all schools do that. (It's still discrimination all teh same, imo!). She then went on that, as my child is sensitive anyway, he would be better off at the smaller afternoon group as it would settle him more easily, and the teacher will have more time (and said child was at that moment hanging on me, because he was bored and wanted attention and also he picks up on my emotions and I felt very angry at that moment and she then said, I can see he needs a lot of attention....that pissed me off that little bit more) to which I said, indeed in that respect it will be nicer....however, the larger group, that already has bonded in nursery anyway , will have already have their own classgrouping and the smaller group will then have to join this larger cluster aswell as starting fulltime at the same time, so, might make that first full day more difficult....?
She went on to reassure me, how it wasn't important, and how it was only 2 weeks to which I said, possibly again, but if it isn't that important why is it so important to keep the schoolnurseries children in their timings, etc? I mean, surely it either matters or it doesn't....and if it matters then it should be respected for all children or if it doesn't matter, why not just make 2 equal sized groups anyway....and anyway, why can't they just do that and let each group experience mornings for 1 week and afternoons the other and vice versa?
I have no idea if this all made sense...but well, it really pisses me off....on many levels, probably more so, because the head of primary has a real problem with that private nursery on their grounds (she believes they are taking money from the school, by keeping children away from their nursery after they turned 3).
Not sure what I can do about it, as obviously she is turning everything around anyway, whichever way it suits her argument....should I get in touch wiht the governers, and would it make a difference at all? Is it discriminating or is it just the way it is, i.e. this happens at all schools with attached nurseries?
Well, any thoughts on this?

chopchopbusybusy Fri 18-Jul-08 11:19:45

I don't really see the problem. It is only two weeks and I think the headmistress is probably right to say that the smaller group will work better for your DS.

2shoes Fri 18-Jul-08 11:21:41

of course the existing dc's should get priority. as for discrimination hardy

TwoFir Fri 18-Jul-08 11:22:37

It will probably suit him to be in a smaller group, might work out for the best. If you think he is too young and not copingwell perhaps you could talk to the school about him only doing part time for longer, thats what ourschool has suggested.

lou031205 Fri 18-Jul-08 11:22:40

Sorry, but disappointing as you find it, I don't see this as discrimination at all.

Your child is coming from outside of the school infrastructure. He is therefore being fitted into the 'gaps' that are available.

Your son is only 3, but he will have to get used to the school system. (I am not being unkind, I also have a child born on August 12th, so know that he will be young).

I think to be honest that you just need to adjust your thinking and accept that the head probably knows what she is talking about on this occasion.

lou031205 Fri 18-Jul-08 11:23:26

xposts with above poster - I agree with all of them.

redrobin Fri 18-Jul-08 11:24:15

oh Lord, that poor headmistress.

Twinkie1 Fri 18-Jul-08 11:24:28

God 'discrimination' is an overused word isn't it - I thought this would be about race or disability!!!

I can't see your problem - why should your child be favoured for a morning place - do you want them to discriminate against the older children in favour of your younger one???

Surely not!

wannaBe Fri 18-Jul-08 11:28:18


It's only two weeks ffs.

Get a grip.

iBundle Fri 18-Jul-08 11:30:29

even if it is discriminatory (which I don't think it is) you have to get over this if you want your child to enjoy his time at the school. none of the youngest children in dd1's year "suffered" - in fact all the "best" readers were june/july/aug babies.

dd2 did the 2 weeks (mornings) thing and it worked fine. previously dd1 had to wait till january for her start and as many of the other children knew each other well by then it was a bit hard for her at the start.

KatieDD Fri 18-Jul-08 11:31:00

Oh dear, let it go, very minor "problem" in the grand scheme of things.

tiggerlovestobounce Fri 18-Jul-08 11:32:56

How is that discrimination?
Sounds like a smaller group would be better anyway.

TotalChaos Fri 18-Jul-08 11:35:02

YABVU. It's not discrimination, it's first come first served with regard to the part-time morning places.

Lauriefairycake Fri 18-Jul-08 11:35:04

what everyone else has said plus more sympathy that you feel he's too young - send him next year and not this year ?

Ellbell Fri 18-Jul-08 11:36:10

I'm sorry you've been so upset by this, but I think YABU. The only thing that would have annoyed me in your conversation with the Head would have been the 'I can see he needs a lot of attention' comment, which does come across as a bit unprofessional. Surely all 3-y-olds need quite a lot of attention? But it's only for 2 weeks, and I think that the Head is right - unless you make a big deal out of it he won't notice whether he's going in the morning or the afternoon. Just find some nice things to do with him in the morning.

(BTW, I think it's normal to use either 'Headteacher' or just 'Head' both of which do for either gender.)

wannaBe Fri 18-Jul-08 11:39:55

some might argue that the morning children are being discriminated against because they are being denied the chance of a lie-in. grin

cory Fri 18-Jul-08 11:47:14

We were never consulted about whether we got morning or afternoon sessions at infants, and they were swapped around after the first two weeks anyway. I just trusted the school to get on with it.

To me, discrimination is serious stuff. It's when they made my dd crawl on her hands and knees into the toilet because they couldn't be bothered to open the disabled toilet. It's when they didn't teach her maths for a term because noone had thought of timetabling her set into an accessible classroom.

It's not a silly little thing like whether your ds would find it more convenient to go in the mornings than in the afternoon. Somebody presumably has to go in the afternoon- why is it worse if he does than if somebody else's child does? He might even prefer the lie-in. When dc's got their nursery places, they had to take what was left. Naturally. This is no different.

notjustmom Fri 18-Jul-08 11:54:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bumdiddley Fri 18-Jul-08 11:55:59

Sorry lost interest about half way down...

Were you last in the queue when the senses of perspective were given out?

TheHedgeWitch Fri 18-Jul-08 11:56:03

Message withdrawn

halster Fri 18-Jul-08 11:57:32

If your ds goes in the afternoon it will give him the opportunity to meet and perhaps bond with children that are in a similar situation to him. The morning lot will probably already be in friendship groups - (I know friendships are v fluid at this age but still). It might give your ds some confidence when he goes full-time to have "new pals" rather than feeling he is tagging on to kids who already know each other.

In the grand scheme of things I think this is a very small issue, but I understand your anxieties about having a young one start school. My dd was v young when she started but she has thrived.

OverMyDeadBody Fri 18-Jul-08 12:01:43

lol Bumdiddly.

yabu. It is not discrimination, just tough luck really.

That poor headmistress. Why should your ds be more important than anyone else's?hmm

combustiblelemon Fri 18-Jul-08 12:02:44

Cory shock angry sad for your DD going through that.

OP, why disrupt children that are already settled? If your DS is 'a very sensiyive child' as you've said, surely the head is right. A smaller group that are all new to the school and haven't already formed friendships sounds like a much better option.

DanJARMouse Fri 18-Jul-08 12:03:03

we have this in reverse. DD1 is 4 next week and starts school in september. She currently does mornings at nursery, and will be doing afternoons at school (for 2 terms so count yourself lucky!)

Im quite happy with the change to be honest, it means that hell-time which is the afternoons here, will now be a little more peaceful!

Also, come november DD2 will be at nursery 2 afternoons a week so it will be bliss!
Just be thankful he has a place at your chosen school, not everyone is so lucky, and it is only for 2 weeks.

OverMyDeadBody Fri 18-Jul-08 12:03:51

and consise paragraphs would have been easier to read. I only got halfway down.

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