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to think this woman is a cow? (topic may offend/upset)

(433 Posts)
crazybuslady Tue 15-Jul-08 15:14:40

Was waiting for a bus yesterday, while at bus stop I saw a mother, dd (approx age 4) and grandma come to bus stop, had seen them earlier walking down the street.

DD didnt want to go on the bus she was crying saying she wanted to stay with granny. Mother mentioned to granny than dd was tired - hadnt slept that day. Mother started to wind the child up eg "you ARE going on the bus"..."noooo mummy dont want to" ..."well you are so there!"

Petty back and forth argument which was frankly rediculas, dd tried to walk away from the bus stop, the mother turned it in to an almost game, mother was laughing and chasing her but shouting swear words at her and telling her she was going to "batter you when we get in" I was Then heard a whack, and looked round to see the mum hit the child 2x. Child started sobbing - from her point of view mum was chasing her laughing next min she was being hit)

Now hittings not to my taste, but I realise some people do this so I just tried to look away - small bus stop though so not really possible.

Child was then wingey (was being ignored by mum who only spoke to her to swear at her) Child then said "I am NOT goin on bus I want to go to grannys" (I though no fekking wonder) And the mother literally dragged dd by her arm along ground. DD fell to ground sobbing, mother grabbed her collar and lifted her up by it shouting and swearing and whacked her 5 more times.

At this point bus came, I told woman if she hit her dd in my sight once more id call police. (Now in retrospect I shouldnt have said that, I should have just called, but I was furious and not thinking straight) We got on same bus mother told me to "fucking go ahead then"...so I did. (mother was now dragging child up bus by arm, I dont mean pulling I mean literally dragging, then whacking her again when she wouldnt sit on seat.

Police car was sent right away but didnt arrive in time before she got off the bus I gave a description etc. But as she got off woman threatened to "batter my face in, if she hadnt got the child with her" (I felt like saying go on then, Id rather take the pain than a poor child, then you will go to prison, child will go to foster care and be better off)

I wish Id followed them, police didnt get them If I ever see them again will phone again.

If she does that in public wtf does she do at home.

angry

WinkyWinkola Tue 15-Jul-08 15:17:19

Shit. That's a really bad story.

Where was the granny during all this?

If you were going to interfere, perhaps you could have offered to help by asking the lady what you could do to help her. Diffuse her anger, encourage and smile at the little girl etc.

I don't know what would have been best really.

belgo Tue 15-Jul-08 15:20:30

I don't know what to say. That's awful for a child to be treated like that. I know kids this age can be hard to handle , but hitting her so many times - what 7-8 times, as well as dragging her, pulling her by the collar and swearing at her ?

Glad you called the police.

belgo Tue 15-Jul-08 15:21:04

And yes it's scarey to think what she might do when not in public.

more Tue 15-Jul-08 15:24:52

Hindsight is always the best. Yes you should have just phoned and you should probably have told the busdriver that you had called the police and could he/she not let her off the bus until the police came.

elmoandella Tue 15-Jul-08 15:25:25

poor wee girl.

where was the granny? what did she do?

Gateau Tue 15-Jul-08 15:28:05

That's just brought tears to my eyes. Poor little girl.
I think what you did was brilliant. Many might slam you for interfering, but you stuck your head above the parapet and spoke out - that was really brave.
Too many people stick their heads in the sand these days -I wonder how many children would be saved from neglect and abuse if people "interfered" just a bit more?
Let's hope the mother was just having a one-off bad day? Can't see it though.

TinkerBellesMum Tue 15-Jul-08 15:30:06

Shame they didn't catch her, that's terrible!

I should imagine the grandmother wasn't doing anything because it's normal in that family.

If it was my daughter doing that, I would have just ignored her or played it down by saying "you can go to Nanny's another day" and telling her what we would do when we got home, but not been saying "you are going" it's childish. Mum has it with my nephew and has to tell him she is going to work to earn pennies to buy sweeties for next time he comes.

I had someone threaten me when Tink was tiny. She was in the sling under my coat but because we were on the bus she had her head out looking round. This woman screamed that I was abusing her and went on about how I had a big coat on and she had nothing. I pointed out she was under said coat and three layers of fleece she said "I don't care! It's abuse!" hmm I did offer her the number for my Mum or Tink's godmother and godfather who are all child protection social workers grin. I couldn't help but laugh and a lot of people on the bus were laughing at her too.

TinkerBellesMum Tue 15-Jul-08 15:30:54

I forgot to say, well done for taking an interest, it's a shame more people don't.

belgo Tue 15-Jul-08 15:32:25

Tinkerbellesmum - I've also had a woman accuse me of trying to suffocate DD2 when I was carrying her in a sling on my back, that was also on the bus. But I actually found it funny as she was so ridiculous.

Spero Tue 15-Jul-08 15:32:57

I think you were extremely brave, I'm not sure I would have done the same, although I'd like to think i would.

Either she is having a very bad day or she is just a very bad parent. Either way, she has to stop and if it takes the police to do it, so be it.

KerryMum Tue 15-Jul-08 15:33:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spero Tue 15-Jul-08 15:37:20

I don't care if the child is the devil incarnate. She looked about four years old. You do not hit a four year old child. Not once. And certainly not repeatedly. If you are having such a bad day, ask granny to help. let the child go with granny. Cool the fuck down. And then go and get yourself the help you need before police/social services take it out of your hands.

elmoandella Tue 15-Jul-08 15:37:50

but i got the impression this mum was really thunmping the girl 7-8 times,

no matter how badly a child behaves or how much of a bad day i'm having i wouldn't do that to my child.

KerryMum Tue 15-Jul-08 15:38:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KerryMum Tue 15-Jul-08 15:39:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gscrym Tue 15-Jul-08 15:39:11

I'm quite shocked when I hear people swearing at their children. Heard one mum telling her daughter (looked about 8) the she was 'coming the f*in c**t with her'. On sunday, a well spoken women told her child he was 'a little f*ing shit who didn't deserve as nice a mummy as her.'

I've gave DS a smack on the bum and have walked quickly with him when he's acted up but never would I drag him and repeatedly hit him. I'm quite disgusted if the granny stood by and did nothing. DS has acted like that when my mum's been there and after a tantrum and a calm down, he's either came home or went to mum's for a sleep.

Hopefully the wee girl was okay when she got home.

elmoandella Tue 15-Jul-08 15:39:27

you think thats reasonable? 7-8 good thumps?

KerryMum Tue 15-Jul-08 15:39:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spero Tue 15-Jul-08 15:42:21

7 -8 thumps is NOT reasonable chastisement. Anything that leaves marks the police would be interested in. even if it doesn't leave marks, that is a child protection issue social services would be interested in.

I'm quite happy to judge someone who hits a small child 7-8 times. I judge that they should STOP. and if they are having a bad day they should have the sense to realise that and look for help - not threaten someone who tried to intervene.

gscrym Tue 15-Jul-08 15:42:24

After reading Kerrymums posts, I could see how the mum could be frazzled, don't know the run up to it. However, from what OP described, she was joking with her child one minute then smacking and dragging her the next. Quite common for a wee one to fall over then but to pick her up by the collar and smack her some more seems harsh.

KerryMum Tue 15-Jul-08 15:42:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gateau Tue 15-Jul-08 15:42:37

Well kerrymum, let's hope you're not around when some old lady gets knocked over and mugged in the street.
"Oh the thug had had a bad day and the old lady was in his way...."

butwhybutwhy Tue 15-Jul-08 15:43:29

I dont think anythinf was reasonable about the childs treatment kerrymum!

crazybuslady Tue 15-Jul-08 15:43:30

Sorry granny left after the first 2 smacks (I think they had been visiting granny and granny was walking them to the bus stop) Granny looked...amused really, was just watching the chaos with a slight smile.

I felt so strangely unsure of myself, no one else was backing me up, everyone was ignoring it (well pretending to she was so loud and obvious you couldnt) It was surreal, this was going on and I was the only one reacting like it was going on. Surely if a woman had started hitting an old lady and dragging her around people would have reacted?

kerry mum did you READ my post, I said the first time that no I dont agree with smacking so I ignored the first 2 whacks. (not "taps" proper hard made a huge sound thumps) It was when it was repeated with shouting, swearing, continual thumping and dragging by wrist (small bones and risk of dislocation) and by collar then I stepped in. And I will do again, only next time I will MAKE SURE the police get the cow. This was not a smack, this was abuse.

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