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DP went to christening without me cont... everyone come and have a say.

(23 Posts)
luvlymummy Tue 15-Jul-08 12:44:43

Thanks for all your replies on my other thread where I explained that DP had been to a christening and didn't take me because he never takes me to anything like that which I find strange.

A few people asked if we do things together and when he's off work we do do lots of things together.

Anyway, we got our baby Christened on Sunday and I met all his mates and got on with them really, really well. The friend who's christening Dp had been at last week turned up with his girlfriend and baby. After quite some time I noticed that DP was sat over with his friends (briefly, as we were mingling around the room as we had over 100 people there) when a girl my age walked in and sat down with them. I knew her face, but didn't know her and she looked somewhat rough. I don't mean to sound snobby and horrible, but we're not rough. So anyway, they were all talking, then DP went off to mingle elsewhere. So later on he came over and we were sat chatting when he said his friend's girlfriend wanted to hold the baby. I took the baby over and she had a cuddle, when the other girl came and sat with us. We got talking and I got on fantastically well with them. DP seemed sort of uncomfortable and kept asking me if i was ok as though he was expecting me to hate all his friends or something. The girls asked me to go out with them and he said we couldn't go out as we didn't have a babysitter and arn't prepared to leave the baby with anyone yet as we're very overprotective. The other girl then said 'well you came out last week, so you mind the baby and she can come out this week'. We just sort of laughed it off.

So when we got home we were really happy as we'd had such a good day and we were just chilling out bathing the baby and I told him they'd asked me to go out with them in a few weeks and we've swapped numbers. He said no because he's taking me away that weekend. Then I suddenly realised what she'd said earlier.

So I asked him and it turned out he'd been out after the christening last week with his mates, his mate's girlfriend and her friends.

And yet he's claimed that other people's girlfriend's hadn't gone, which they had, and that he'd only been out with the lads.

He would go mad if it was the other way round.

So basically he didn't want me to go to the chirstening and then he went out with his mates and some other lasses. It could just be that lass, but still, it's inappropriate.

And at the christening she was going on about how she'd known him for years, and making me feel a little inadequate.

It's the fact that I'm not allowed to go out with lads, and wouldn't anyway as it's disrespectful, and yet he did that.

Also, he hated me talking to his lad friends, as though I'd run off with them or something.

What does everyone think to it?

luvlymummy Tue 15-Jul-08 12:47:46

P.s please be gentle

PinkChick Tue 15-Jul-08 12:48:11

i think you know what most people would say to that, that maybe hes trying to hide something, she says she knows him well, but he's not mentioned her but tbh the only person you can find that out from is him.

if you have children together there shouldnt be a them and us with friends.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ewe Tue 15-Jul-08 12:52:34

He sounds like he's been spinning you the "it's only the lads" and telling his friends that you don't want/can't go out. If you all sit chatting he will obv be found out, hence nervous hovering.

You need to sit down and have a conversation and agree how things will work and it needs to be fair, you either find a sitter and go out together or take it in turns to go out once a week etc.

jammi Tue 15-Jul-08 12:57:57

Message withdrawn

Onestonetogo Tue 15-Jul-08 12:58:22

Message withdrawn

luvlymummy Tue 15-Jul-08 13:01:21

Well we had a huge row about it, but he got really angry too... I didn't know why because it was me who was meant to be annoyed. he apologised and said it was a mistake to do that and he'll never do it again... hmm...

castlesintheair Tue 15-Jul-08 13:03:33

He sounds very insecure to me.

Why is it disrespectful for you to go out with male friends? Eh, don't get that one?

Onestonetogo Tue 15-Jul-08 13:03:55

Message withdrawn

zippitippitoes Tue 15-Jul-08 13:04:09

vi think it isx a sign of his immaturity more than anything else

posieflump Tue 15-Jul-08 13:07:17

It sounds to me that if you had all gone to the christening then all 3 of you would have had to come home afterwards because you don't have a babysitter
So he didn't want you to go so that he could go out that night as you would have been home with the baby
If you had gone out with him and his mates would you have been bale to get a babysitter?

LoveMyGirls Tue 15-Jul-08 13:16:20

It's high time you went out and enjoyed yourself, sounds like he's been doing more than his fair share.

When you have a baby both your lives change, you both make sacrifices, you both need space to have a laugh let your hair down and be yourself sometimes. If he is trying to deny you the pleasure of letting off steam then it doesn't bode well for your future together.

I'd be livid tbh he's lied to you somewhere along the line, he's got something to hide imo and he's been royally taking the piss. He'd be sleeping on the sofa until I could be arsed to forgive him, had planned a night out which included me sleeping at my friends house so I could have a really nice long lie in then to a cafe for a fry up on the way home and also he couldn't try and make me look after LO with a hangover! He would also have to change his attitude and stop trying to hide me a cupboard away from society! If I'm with someone I expect to be treated equally at the very least, at best I expect to go with dp and for him to be proud that i'm his partner, to want to introduce me to everyone etc.

FabioUnblogged Tue 15-Jul-08 13:18:46

What's he hiding?

purpleduck Tue 15-Jul-08 13:19:44

Luvly, my dh gets mad at me when he is totally, obviously in the wrong. Defence mechinism...?

ie) When we were first married, he came back from an army dinner stinking drunk. He barfed on me. In bed. Then used my facebrush to clean the mess.

I was angry in the morning (after discovering where my face brush had gone) and HE stomped out.

We laugh about it now, but it serves as a case in point.

branflake81 Tue 15-Jul-08 13:57:29

I don't think he is necessarily having an affair or trying to hide something. I think it's just a case of him wanting to go out and have fun and perhaps he feels inhibited when you are there.

There is nothing wrong with socialising without your partner but there is a lot wrong with ALWAYS socialising without them. It's odd, as a couple, especially a couple with a child, you should come as a pair and both be invited to events.

You need to tell him that. Though whether he will understand is a different matter.

helenhismadwife Tue 15-Jul-08 16:01:45

is he older than you, or been married before just asking because if either of those apply it could mnake him insecure, but I have to say whatever his reasons his behaviour is totally unacceptable and it does look like he is hiding something from you

OverMyDeadBody Tue 15-Jul-08 16:10:58

Doesn't sound like he's treating you as a equal does it?

Why would it be inappropriate, though, for 'lasses' to have been out with him and his mates after the christening?

And why would it be disrespectful of you to go out with 'lad' friends?

Do you tihnk one should only socialise with others of the same sex once one has a partner? Is this something your PD has imposed on you or that you have imposed on him? Because wherever it originated, it is not healthy and is far too posessive.

OverMyDeadBody Tue 15-Jul-08 16:12:15

and like branflake, I don't think he's necessarily having an affair, probably just wants to sicalise without you so he is less inhibited.

You should definately go out too though while he stays in looking after the baby.

elmoandella Tue 15-Jul-08 16:20:39

i wouldn't jump in and accuse him of having an affair or hiding something.
my dh and i do family stuff together.

but he used to do his stuff with his friends and exclude me. i used to get pissed. then i learned i just had to go out with my own friends without him.

some men prefer to keep their friends seperate as it's a chance for them to wind down from the responsibilies of being a parent and partner.

the thing is with his friends he wants to be immature. and as long as your having some fun with your firends without him to i don't see the harm.

however. formal occasions you should definately be invited to.

who knows, perhaps he's drawn a picture of you as being someone who dislikes socialising.

colacubes Tue 15-Jul-08 16:28:26

Well sorry to say, but its not nice of him to leave you at home while he goes out and about, not the going out thing but the lieing about who, when and where thing. And yes I would be wary of the girl, but dont fixate on it let it go, and see how this new era of you hanging with his mates goes, it might just be that hes tried to hang on to his bachelor hood,and needs time to adjust, or it might be hes a prat, but let it settle and see where the land lies.

Dont force something that isnt there, what will be will be, let nature take its course, but get out and enjoy yourself with his mates, let him see that he can have as much fun with you there as he can on his own, and if you push this now he will see it as a chore, not fun, so keep track in your mind, but wait to see how it adds up. Good Luck luvly

Candlegirl Tue 15-Jul-08 16:41:11

You need to sit down and talk with him straight away and get some ground rules set down NOW becoz if you let him think what he did was alright then he will always keep acting like a selfish prat that he seems to becoming across as at the moment.

Im not sure he's having affair just sounds like he wants to make all the rules and be in control.

Please sit him down and tell him Never ever again and you will be going out with his friends as you want to be part of his life.

sunnydelight Tue 15-Jul-08 23:57:23

Sort this one out now. In an equal relationship you want each other to be happy and attempts by one person to control/limit the other's going out rarely make both people happy. With a young baby it would be very easy to fall into the habit of you staying home with baby while he goes out - don't let it happen!

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