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to not like to my life

(47 Posts)
gingernutlover Tue 15-Jul-08 09:07:14

i am just so fed up all the time, all i ever do is go to work, look after dd, clean, cook, wash and tidy up. I am so tired too, dd'd speciality is 5am starts

and all i get from everyone is arent i lucky its not twins, or my mum saying that i was even worse when iu was little and its my just desserts

am i being unreasonable to just feel so fed up and want a tiny bit of sympathy from someone that i feel my life is just one bit of crap after another at the moment>

OverMyDeadBody Tue 15-Jul-08 09:08:58

YANBU

I think it is a feeling shared my many parents at one time or another. It's the relentlesness of it isn't it?

gingernutlover Tue 15-Jul-08 09:09:43

what i dont get it how some people seem to have the same life as me and be really happy and thriving on it

is it all just an act or am i being a spoiled brat?

GooseyLoosey Tue 15-Jul-08 09:12:07

They are not you and you are not being unreasonable. You have your own needs and expectations from life, to hell with what anyone else thinks life should be about or what you should be happy with.

Is there any way you can orchestrate a couple of hours away from it all EVERY WEEK (once in a while is nice but doesn't get you out of the rut).

sarah293 Tue 15-Jul-08 09:13:05

Message withdrawn

allgonebellyup Tue 15-Jul-08 09:13:20

well try to think how lucky you are -

- you and your kids are not starving
- you are not stuck in a country where women are lesser mortals
- you have enough money to survive

i try to remind myself of all the millions of people worse off than myself in the world and it makes my sadness of my marriage break up seem so insignicant.

are you depressed, do you think?

ilovemydog Tue 15-Jul-08 09:13:22

leave the housework and go and have some fun!

So, the washing up/laundry etc isn't done for a couple of days? Anyone care?

gingernutlover Tue 15-Jul-08 09:13:33

i am finding myself desperate for the school holidays (I am a teacher) to start because i can send dd to nursery and be at home where it is quiet

allgonebellyup Tue 15-Jul-08 09:16:01

it think most teachers live for the holidays!!!!!!!!!!

GooseyLoosey Tue 15-Jul-08 09:17:00

I wouldn't go down the thinking how lucky you are route myself. Objectively, I have a fabulous life and anyone looking in from the outside would not believe that one could ever be unhappy with it. Yet in many ways, I often am. No one else knows how you feel, it is not about objective standards of wealth and success but how you feel life is delivering in relation to your expectations. If you work out what you want and what you feel you are not getting, can you find any ways to achieve any of it (for me, my greatest achievement is sitting alone in a bookshop drinking coffee at the moment).

gingernutlover Tue 15-Jul-08 09:17:34

yes i know I am lucky that we have a roof over our heads and food to eat and clohtes to wear, so I am being spoiled then!

I had pnd when dd was little i dont feel it has ever gove away, i dont really enjoy being a mum, i feel really jealous of the fact that dh goes to work and he gets tea breaks and lunch breaks where no one will talk to him. I never get these, I am either with dd or at school on duty. I love dd i just dont think i should ever have become a parent but cant exactly put her back in now grin

I am sooo tired today, cant stop crying

sarah293 Tue 15-Jul-08 09:17:54

Message withdrawn

OverMyDeadBody Tue 15-Jul-08 09:18:24

well if you're a teacher it's completley understandable. It's the end of term now and all you want is a bit of peace and quiet!

Are there any small changes you could make on a regular basis that might improve how you feel?

Join a class or sport or something that is just for you and an escape from the drudgery of everyday life?

gingernutlover Tue 15-Jul-08 09:19:05

also am so sorry to hear about your LO riven, I know that in that way I am very lucky with dd, just a few eye appointments here and there must be a fream compared to yours

OverMyDeadBody Tue 15-Jul-08 09:20:18

oh riven sad

She's still your child though right? And there is more to her than just brain damage? Oh I'm sorry, I don't really know what to say but don't want you thinking your life is shit.

gingernutlover Tue 15-Jul-08 09:20:19

riven ours posts must have crossed

i was not replying to your post but to another one - sorry thought that was clear

allgonebellyup Tue 15-Jul-08 09:21:37

No, i wasnt saying that you're spoilt at all, just saying what i do with myself when i feel very low!

Sometimes i used to feel envy when ex-dh would go to work and not be pestered by 2 little people constantly, but on the other hand he would be up at 4.30am and i would be sound asleep til 7.30!

i find myself full of self pity cos i am on my own, and ex dh has moved on with someone else and they now have a baby.
i do feel hard done by, but what is there to do?

Is your relationship with dh good? do you have much to look forward to, ie nights out or a holiday? does your job leave you feeling fulfilled??

OverMyDeadBody Tue 15-Jul-08 09:22:02

I agreee with GooseyLoosey too and hate it when people trot out the 'well you have a lot to be lucky for' or 'it could be worse', it doesn't really help much when you're feeling shit does it?

gingernutlover Tue 15-Jul-08 09:23:39

i would love to have time to do a club or hobby but honestly i dont know where i would fit it in, on my days off and weekends i look after dd pretty much full time, on my work days i pick her up come home cook dinner, put her to bed and then do paperwork

dh is working everyday and spending evenings and weekends on doing up the house - we have plancks instead of paths and stuff hanging on by splinters at the moment, so he does have to do it.

I will make sure i do some nice things in the holidays like getting my hair done etc

I am sorry riven i seem to have unintentionally upset you

allgonebellyup Tue 15-Jul-08 09:25:29

sorry Riven, didnt mean to upset you. sad

gingernutlover Tue 15-Jul-08 09:25:54

my dh is a good dad, just not around to help at the moment, I am low on his priorities, maybe understandibly, he ignored our wedding anniversary last week

gingernutlover Tue 15-Jul-08 09:27:48

and yes, however "lucky" i might be, it doesnt stop me feeling like crap and it doesnt stop the tears coming

i really really miss my old life, i know i cant ever get it back, i know I am a mum now, its just nothing like what i thought it would - I am perhaps stupidly naive

ilovemydog Tue 15-Jul-08 09:31:24

ginger nut, if you are crying continually, is there anyone you can call? Like now? Someone who would be sympathetic?

It's hard being a mom...

nkf Tue 15-Jul-08 09:31:42

Some people find that counting their blessings helps. Others find that it makes them feel worse because they then feel guilty about not being happy. Do one small thing that would make you feel good. Something for yourself. That might help.

potoftea Tue 15-Jul-08 09:31:44

Tiredness makes everything seem so much worse, so try and grab early nights whenever you can.

It might be just this stage of your dd's life that's a bit boring too. As she gets older there will be new stuff going on to interest you.

It sounds like you are really craving some quiet time more than excitement, so could you plan a weekly visit to a swimming pool or gym where you can ignore the world and just do something for yourself.

Finally, lots of people feel like this at times, and while of course we all know how lucky we are and count our blessings, it doesn't mean the feelings of "dullness" and "sameness" aren't valid. People saying "it could be worse" drive me mad. I know that, I'm not stupid. But at times you can still feel fed up.

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