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Daddy's little princes syndrome

(57 Posts)
lucyellensmum Mon 14-Jul-08 14:10:47

Honestly, he is besotted...........totally infatuatied with her!!! I would be sweet if it wasn't turning her into a spoilt brat!!

Does anyone else have this??

Don't get me wrong, im not complaining he is lovely with her, but he is spoiling her

tori32 Mon 14-Jul-08 14:15:56

Oh yes! grin Complete sympathy. To the extent that she only wants him to go to her in the morning when she wakes up LOL. Its because I have to do most of the discipling because DH is at work all day and consequently she has all day to misbehave/get told off with me, as opposed to the 2 hrs a day that DH sees her. In her mind I'm the bad guy. grin Daddyn also doesn't like spoiling the time he has with her with arguments, wants everything to be lovely. However, my dd1 is also becoming a brat and fortunately DH is beginning to see the light and clamp down on

Lemontart Mon 14-Jul-08 14:24:41

Maybe you should complain - or rather let him know how great it is to see him besotted with her BUT that it is time to be careful not to let her get away with just anything. Uneven parenting/different levels of tolerance just causes trouble in the long term.

elmoandella Mon 14-Jul-08 14:34:44

dh spoils the kids, but he's also strict with them. they still call for him in morning thugh. and are all over him like a rash.

so even if he does get tough with them, don't worry about their bond changing. she'll probably still be his princess. just a better behaved one.

rookiemater Mon 14-Jul-08 15:34:03

Is there specific things that he does that annoy you or you feel are unhelpful ?

I think children are quite good at knowing that different people come with different boundaries and as long as she is not playing the two of you off against each other, then I'd say leave them to it.

I think that you said in previous posts that your Dh works quite long hours, could you use the time he does have with DD to get a bit of a break, so that it doesn't get to you so much.

lucyellensmum Mon 14-Jul-08 21:26:43

DP came home early from work today, so i thought i would do us some lunch, i really made an effort and did us greek pitta breads and home made tzatiziki or however you spell it. I chopped mint from our garden into minute little peices, it took ages. Got the whole lunch ready, and DP comes in with a bouncy castle he brought from Tesco for a tenner (bargain, it is really quite good for the money) BUT being a man, he didnt actually check that he might need more than a bloody bicycle pump to pump the bloody thing up. So, instead of a lovely lunch with us all sitting down in the garden eating all the scrummy stuff i made or brought. It was a rushed affair with DD whinging and crying the whole time because she wanted her bouncer NOW!! So, like good little servants, we get in the car and trapse off to argos, buy a pump and come back and DP blows the thing up. She jumps on it for ooooh, five minutes and starts whining that she wants xya and wants to do something else hmm.

So, by this time i have properly had enough, so i come inside and come on mumsnet for a bit and lay on teh sofa because im knackered and have the mother of all headaches. DP then says, "oh, charming, im home from work and you slope off". Um, yeah right, because you are turning our daughter into a spoilt whinging brat, you can't see it and she is doing my head in.

I feel really guilty for feeling like this today but i am sooo glad she has gone to bed. DP has blatantly had a bellyful to because now he is irritable and snappy.

Please don't say to tell dp that he is making a rod for our backs, its like talking to a brick wall. His response is "i just have a more laid back parenting style than you"angry My thoughts are, no, you will do anything for a fucking easy life and you are letting her get away with murder. She wanted hula hoops for breakfast yesterday, before i could even say, "not for breakfast darling" he had bloody well gone and got them for her!! WTF???

She has been really difficult today so much so that i have posted in behaviour and development about it. I don't actually wnt to blame DP for this and he just loves his little girl so much - honestly, it is like he is infatuated with her iyswim. This usually makes me smile and go all gooey inside but the whole thing that him saying i am too strict (yeah right, im more laid back that most of the parents i know).

How can i make him understand that he is actually doing his DD a disservice by indulging her so much. I have tried to say, and yes, what about when she is five and refusing to go to school, when she is 13 and telling you to fuck off because you wont let her stay out late etc because she can just get away with it......."oh, she wont be like it because she will understand right from wrong" um, like HOW?????

God, i am steaming just now - and its difficult because it just makes my heart melt how much he loves her, but honestly, im going to crack

lucyellensmum Mon 14-Jul-08 21:27:19

i meant to say Daddy's little PRINCESS! not princes!

Pinkveto Mon 14-Jul-08 21:30:02

You need some serious ground rules.

Starting with number one: Hula Hoops are not suitable, ever, in a million years, for breakfast.

I'd be MENTAL if Daddy did that.

TheMagnificent7 Mon 14-Jul-08 21:35:50

Did the Hula Hoops have milk on ? They are a rubbish breakfast. No toy or anything.

lucyellensmum Mon 14-Jul-08 21:36:28

He just doesn't get it - he doesn't like to see her cry!! but just lately, the minute something doesn't go her way, we might not even be aware that there is a problem, it is like her heart is broken and she is wailing. Give her what she wants of course and she is smiling. I sometimes feel that giving in to hear every time makes her cry more. ANd dont even get me started on diet - if it were down to him she would live on cakes ice cream and sweets. Luckily she is a very good eater and loves her vegetables and tucks into lots of healthy things, but she is starting to want too much sweet stuff for my liking

Us it just us? Are we getting this so very very wrong?? I don't want my little girl to be a brat, will someone please tell me they all go through the whining and crying phase, because i just don't know how to cope with this

TheMagnificent7 Mon 14-Jul-08 21:36:36

And no, YANBU. Bit snappy maybe, but NU

UniversallyChallenged Mon 14-Jul-08 21:39:04

how much time does he spend just with her? Maybe you need a night away so he can get over the "how sweet/adorable/unique" bit of being a parent and see how she can really be sometimes.

It will also give you a nice break!

rookiemater Mon 14-Jul-08 21:39:27

Err yes, Hula Hoops that well known recommended breakfast food.

My DH has recognised the importance of breakfast since the time at Easter when he bought DS a humungous chocolate egg, because clearly as a 2 yr old he needed one, then proceeded to give him the whole thing at breakfast time. I am frankly fed up with saying No all the time, so I took a step back and let DH deal with DS once he became a cranky monster after too much sugar.

Anyway I digress. He needs to feel the after effects of his parenting choices. Unfortunately that means you need not to be there, which is a pain but there it is. I have spent a few hours in the local library, swimming pool at the shops etc, not particularly because I don't want to be in the house, but I feel that because we are no longer living in some 50's universe DH doesn't get the edited highlights of having a DC so he needs to spend at least a few hours on his own with him every weekend or so. ATM it sounds like you are picking up the pieces from your DPs choices. Why did you all have to go to get the pump ? Couldn't your DP have taken DD and left you at home ?

Joint ground rules only work, when both parents understand why they exist and at the minute, it doesn't sound like he is getting it, so you need a different tactic.

lucyellensmum Mon 14-Jul-08 21:43:46

ah you see rookie, thats where it gets complicated you see, i suffer from axiety disorger and i cannot bear the thought of DD being in the car without me blush so DP is not allowed to take her out in the car on his own.

rookiemater Mon 14-Jul-08 21:46:40

Oh dear, sorry I didn't realise that. Does that mean its also tricky for you to be away from the house because you worry about what would be happening to DD without you ?

pgwithnumber3 Mon 14-Jul-08 21:49:37

Give it time, when she loses her cuteness and becomes a raging 7 year old who demands that he still wipes her arse, he will soon realise the error in his ways. wink

lucyellensmum Mon 14-Jul-08 21:51:17

im ok with that really rookie, its just the car thing is a big deal to me. I guess that is a whole other thread though. Im not a nervous wreck - just certain things, im a little obsessional about grin

lucyellensmum Mon 14-Jul-08 21:52:52

lol pg, that will be something to look forward to then. I was a spoilt brat of the first order and a total daddies girl. DP spoils me too (although i take a definate back seat these days), perhaps thats what attracted me to him.

MmeBovary Mon 14-Jul-08 21:59:57

You have my sincere symapthies! My DH does this too - he even gave dd sweets first thing one morning, just because she asked for them! IMO they just don't think! Tonight we got home about 6 after a one hour hot bus ride home from work/holiday club. My plan was to get her in the bath/pyjamas then get make her a sandwich (she gets 3 course cooked lunch) and get her settled down. Instead as we get in DH says he needs to go round the DIY store - does she want to come? Of course she blardy does - and back out the door they go! They're gone for more than an hour so she ended up in the bath late, and didn't want to eat anything apart from a bit of bread and butter. His turn to take her to bed and he ignores normal bedtime because he is watching TV. At 10pm (we're an hour ahead) she is still wide awake and crying upstairs because she is hungry. Grrrrrh!

pgwithnumber3 Mon 14-Jul-08 21:59:57

It is so easy to spoil them at this age but (talking from experience with DD1) it does hit you in the face when they get a bit older. DD1 tries to order me about as for 5 years she was the PFB and I was at her beck and call. I have got wise to her, big wake up call was living with my parents for a while, they were aghast at how she ruled the roost with us.

There is no messing around in the PGx3 house anymore!

I would have a little word in his ear and ask him if he wants his very own Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

lucyellensmum Mon 14-Jul-08 22:09:13

ive tried talking to him, but my problem is, he genuinely thinks im wrong - he gets this from his moteher "if you can't spoil them when they are young, when can you spoil them", um, how about never??

pgwithnumber3 Mon 14-Jul-08 22:23:16

If he can't see it then he won't change but as I said before, it will all come back to bite him on the bum.

You keep doing it your way, at least she will behave for you, it will be him who has to deal with the brat he has molded!

Pinkveto Mon 14-Jul-08 22:29:27

Er, can you tackle some of it not on the spoilt tack but on "healthy eating" or "tooth preservation" or "good manners".

Never too young to learn...

Tallie11 Mon 14-Jul-08 22:52:22

My little girl is Daddys Princess too . She is only 16 months, and prefers to hold his hand when we go out for walks.

I give her blueberries , he gives her treat sized chocolate buttons.

If she has a treat, he will make sure she has one for BOTH hands..... hence she now expects it !

He has seen a ''must have doll'' being held by a celebrity child , and has actually bought one for our daughter !!

She fell over yesterday, and grazed her knee and guess what ... she actually wanted ME.

aleene Mon 14-Jul-08 23:03:59

I had this with my sister for a while. whenever she visited she would produce unnecessary presents to the point where DS would open the door and say "Got any presents for me?" Then my mum started leaving left out and she started doing it too. Things came to a head when in a fit of spoiltness he threw a present back at them saying it wasn't good enough blush. They calmed it down after that and he is pleasant unspoilt child now. And my house is not being filled up with useless tat.

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