Well,Am i ?

[wrinklytum]

Poor dp is in hospital.The dcs and I have not had a holiday for 2 years.We aren't going anywhere fancy,just caravan park place for 4 days.I rang my poor dp in hospital to let him know and he thinks we are being insensitive.It willbe less than an hour away and we could get back to the hopital quickly.Its just I feel ds deserves a holiday(he starts school in Sept)I would love dp to come but he is hospitalised.He said I was a selfish cow,but we can't afford it unless I take them next week.I am feeling really awful.hAVE i DONE THE WRONG THING???

[nametaken]

No, YANBU you just have had to make a difficult decision that's all. Have your holiday and when you get back make a big fuss of your dp and take him all the things he likes in hospital.

Was his hospitalisation unexpected? Because if the holiday is already paid for it would be silly not to go.

[hunkermunker]

I can see why he'd be a bit narked to be missing out, but...

He's selfish for expecting you to sit at home when the DCs would love to go away.

[HunphreyCushion]

Will he have other people to visit him if you go away?

[wrinklytum]

tHANKS,i'M FEELING GUILTY.poor dp has had a really crap time,on and off in hospital for the last year or so.My lovely parents are coming and offered to pay.DS has had a crap year,his dad poorly and disabled sister.He needs to be a carefree kid,not bound down to endless hospital appointments with dad and sister.He just need to run around ona beachand be a kid.I know dp is really down and I don't wan him to feel left out but ds is only 4 fgs and needs to have a normal life.Am feeling torn and guilty.

[aquasea]

Oh no. I would hate it if I were in hospital and DH took DS off for a holiday. It would make me feel really worthless. But then, I have been known to be a bit of a drama queen oversensitive at times so perhaps I am not the authority on this Personally, I wouldn't do it.

[wrinklytum]

Yes,he has lots of brothers and paents to visit him.sTILL FEELING CRAP THOUGH.hE PUT THE PHONE DOWN ON ME EARLIER.

[Desiderata]

My dh, in the same position, would genuinely be delighted.

He's being an arse. Enjoy your holiday, wrinkly.

[thumbwitch]

he's feeling sorry for himself and is probably peed off that he will be missing out; that he will be stuck in hospital while you and the DCs are having a lovely time on holiday.

He is being a bit selfish and I think you should go - try to make your DP understand that it's for the DCs, not for yourself and of course you'll be miserable that he's not there as well but the kids are sooo looking forward to it and he wouldn't want them to miss out, now would he?

Or something like that

[HunphreyCushion]

DP has got other people to visit.
You're only going away for four days.
Go, and have a lovely time.

[HunphreyCushion]

If I were in hospital, and there were other folk that could come and visit (and even if there weren't, tbh), I would send DH and the DCs off on a break with my blessing.

[hunkermunker]

I wouldn't - I'd be gutted I was missing it, but delighted that my DS was having a lovely time. Perfectly compatible emotions - your DP is behaving like a 2yo.

[Desiderata]

I quite agree, hunker.

[NineYearsOfNappies]

I wouldn't go on holiday if my child were in hospital, but I would if an adult rellie were - provided that they were relatively stable or that the holiday was reasonably nearby.

Children remain children no matter what their parents are doing - and this is about them in this instance, not him. Go for it!

It's not as if you're planning a round the world cruise. Just a short break - a spot of respite. You need that when you are supporting someone who has been ill for a while.

[Sim43]

You sound like you and your DS could do with some quality time. Go for it. Tell your DP to grow up.

[lucyellensmum]

I tend to think this thread would be oh so different if it the other way around. Why is your DP in hospital?

[wittyusername]

I can really see both points of view here... but from what you're saying your DCs would really benefit from a break, it's not like you're off to Barbados?

Does your DP have a long term illness? Sorry you're all going through this, I can't see an easy solution here

[TheFallenMadonna]

Actually I agree with LEM. I think this might be one of those asymmetric threads.

I think it depends on what's wrong with him too.

[more]

Depends did you ask him if it was okay with him or did you tell him that you are going.

If you did no talk to him about it beforehand, then oh my goodness gracious you are being so unreasonable and not very understanding of his situation.

Have you ever been stuck in hospital for a long period of time (apart from giving birth). It is boooooring, and you live for the visits. The visits may seem trivial and unimportant to you, but they mean so much to the patient (also the more visitors the more popular. It is a competition between the patients ).

[Hecate]

Is he seriously ill? tbh, I couldn't go on holiday and leave my dh in the hospital. It would just seem too uncaring.
You said your parents are coming and offered to pay - coming on the holiday? Could they not take your kids for the 4 days?

The point is, it is distressing to him. That alone makes it the wrong thing to do.

If a woman posted on here that she was in hospital and her husband went away for a few days even though she was really upset about it and felt like she wanted/needed him to be around, he would be called all the selfish pigs under the sun!

[Ripeberry]

My mum used to be like this, use the guilt against me.
She has always been an Agrophobic and did not want to go out of the house, but she would say that we were selfish for going out and enjoying ourselves.
This was only going to the cinema on a Sunday!
I never went out much as a teenager as she would get really jealous.
Your dp needs to understand that his familly has needs as well. Yes he is ill and he is being looked after, but you and your dc need some time "off" as well.