to not play with my kids when they are playing with friends??

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

The scenario is this: every week we meet up with a bunch of mums and kids. We have been meeting pretty much since our kids were babies, and so know each other and each others children well. If we meet at someone's house, I am happy for the kids to go and play while we mums chat. Similarly if we meet at the park, I am happy for the kids to play while we watch and chat, only interfering if there is a problem. Fot the most part the kids play well together, but recently the boys have decided they will team up against the girls and "get" them. Unfortunately, nearly all the others are boys, while I have 2 girls! I prefer not to get involved if at all possible (obviously any actual bullying or fighting gets dealt with). If my kids try to get me to join in the play I usually tell them no- we play together a lot when we are at home together, but I feel when they are out with their friends they wouldn't benefit from me being too involved. I love to hear them playing, making up their own scenarios and sorting out their differences (within reason, of course), but I've noticed that some of the other mums DO go and get involved with the games and sometimes it makes me feel like I am being a bit of a stick-in-the-mud.

I feel torn between wanting my kids to develop their own "play" and feeling like I should be joining in. They are 3 and 4. Am I being a grumpy old mum who just wants to chat with her friends, but should be in the thick of it inventing games and refereeing squabbles, or am I promoting self-sufficiency and their own imaginations????

[wrinklytum]

YANBU.Any opportunity for grown up chat is a bonus with under 5's.Leave em to it

[Limara]

IMO, just have a chat with your mates, they are with theirs? Kids benefit from play itself. I don't remember my mum playing outdoorsy stuff with me. I think your just suffering from that old chestnut-'Mothers Guilt'

[Fimbo]

I have one friend in a circle of 5 who does this. She has only one child as "you can't possibly love another one the same way" and is always bobbing up and down when we are trying to chat to her. Her dd always wants mummy to play and is very overly dramatic if she doesn't get her own way. My friend was holding another friend's baby at a party on Saturday, I got handed the baby as her child couldn't cope (she is nearly 5).

[Limara]

Fimbo "you can't possibly love another one the same way" , what is she saying about people who have 2 kids then? I bet that gets your goat, it would mine

[Joolyjoolyjoo]

So glad it's not just me!! I really do think they get more out of playing with their peers when they can than they would if I was involved! I love to chat to my kids, and when we are at home together we do all the usual stuff, but when we are out, I feel they should be able to amuse themselves without my input!