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to have spent the last 3 hours of putting dd to bed wuietly seething at my Mum spednding this morning telling me how easily she went to bed and that she easy baby?!?!?!?

(20 Posts)
ilovewashingnappies Sat 12-Jul-08 22:15:15

My parents were kind enough to have dd over night last night and I was really pleased it went well.

I was sincerely grateful but spent the time picking her up listening to how easy it had been for my Mum, how quickly she'd settle and slept slept and how much tidying Mum had still managed to do.....etc.etc..... [first time dd has ever slept past 7 in her life!!!]

For the billionth time my Mum has apeared to be doing somothing nice [hence me being unreasonable] only to end it by making me feel totally shit for either needing the help or that [the classic] our house isn;t tidy enough for her precious grand daughter.

Ok. Big confession time. I am ashamed but MUST get this out before I burst:

^I would have done anything to have arrived at my Mum's to find her house slightly less tidy than when she isn;t looking after a baby.^

There. i said it.

BUT IS WAS BLOODY PERFECT. and she's bloody washed everything.

See. I'm a cow

SoupDragon Sat 12-Jul-08 22:18:42

<<pats ILWN on the back in sympathy>>

BabyDragon's nursery always tell me how lovely, well behaved and helpful she is and how she eats everything they put in front of her. I think they are mixing her up with another child.

Aaaah ilovewashingnappies, I don't think that's unreasonable. Well, it's unjustifiable, and wrong, and bitter, but I would feel exactly the same grin

Think how sanctimonious you can be when you're a granny wink

sleepycat Sat 12-Jul-08 22:22:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Limara Sat 12-Jul-08 22:24:56

sleepycat is right.<<just to make you feel even more unreasonable>>

Olihan Sat 12-Jul-08 22:26:18

My mumdoes this to me too. She sees them every couple of months, always offers to babysit while she's here, has them for a few days each summer holiday (demanded by her, I'm grateful but wouldn't be too bothered if she didn't) and every time I get told about how good they were for her.

If I ever moan to her about ds1 being a monster/ds2 not sleeping/dd stropping all I get is 'well, they're never like that for me,' 'I don't have any problems with them,' 'ds1 is lovely for me', etc, etc, etc.

It drives me bananas, I take it as a criticism of my parenting ability and her trying to prove they like her more than me.

I'm sure she doesn't mean it that way but it's they way it comes across.

Like you, I quietly seethe and moan to dh about it but don't really know what to do about it.

ilovewashingnappies Sat 12-Jul-08 22:31:45

Thanks guys...

" Well, it's unjustifiable, and wrong, and bitter, "

Unjustifiable. Hmmm. 10 months my MUm has been winding me up now. I would say its really gtting me down. Constant critis=cism about about my house, my lifestyle and worst of all how I bring up my daughter..

Wrong. If I'd shouted at my Mum like I really needed to I'd agree. She really upset me - I took her flowers and dressed dd in "I love granny socks" before she left. I was beeing nice.

Bitter. bitter?!?!?!?! Hav you heard of water torture? One drip does not a mad girl make it would take drip after drip after drip after drip after.....

ilovewashingnappies Sat 12-Jul-08 22:32:43

I think she has a hyoer activity issue. It can;t be natural to be as unrelaxed as she is.

Twinklemegan Sat 12-Jul-08 22:32:58

They all put on their best behaviour for relatives they don't see very often. Your mum knows this - don't rise to it.

Oh ilovewashingnappies I'm sorry if I upset you - it wasn't intended in the slightest.

I can see how your mum saying those things would be upsetting. But I was sure from the OP she didn't have bad intent. From your last posts I can see it's more than that and I am sorry if my flippant remarks were hurtful to you

Limara Sat 12-Jul-08 22:41:07

ilovewashingnappies are you ok?

ilovewashingnappies Sat 12-Jul-08 22:41:45

Oh no!!! SOrry Iaterosemary - just still seething I think!

I', sure she;s being nice - just a little tactless. It has been a big help to get it off my chest.

Also I have just taken shower curtain out of the wash and am very pleased at how shiney new it looks!

Maybe Im not such a crap house keeper after all1! Personally I think this all comes from preferring wine, tv and sex after dd is asleep and not housework.....

estimo Sat 12-Jul-08 22:43:11

I know the feeling, my mum dispairs of my crappy housekeeping skills!

Just let it go over your head They arealwaysbetter behaved for other people anyway!

Also if your Mum hadn't coped well and the house was a mess you wouldn't feel like you could leave your DC there again and would probably feel worse now!

ILWN you have small children and lots of obligations and things whizzing through your head. Your mum's a granny who sees a spell with a grandchild as a treat and doesn't have the backlog of stresses you do. She's getting to re-experience babies the easy way - knowing she gets to hand them back!

I have the same guilt thing about my housekeeping, but I work FT and I am always tired and DS is hard work and stuff anyone who makes me feel bad for sitting down and chilling with some plonk once in a while! You should do the same

ilovewashingnappies Sat 12-Jul-08 22:47:20


Now I'm officially pissed AND feeling like a bitch.

Just uploaded some pictures of EMily's first steps to send to people and have found my Mum has already done it.


That's it.

I am letting it go over my head......

Granny22 Sat 12-Jul-08 22:49:37

I am a fairly new Granny but remember well when I was a fairly new mum and how it used to torment me no end when my DDs stayed with either of their Grannies and were reported to have been perfect eating, sleeping, smiling angels. I reckoned that the Grannies just lied so that they would get the wee ones more often.

However, I must report, that except for the odd occasion while they have been teething my DGS and DGD have been perfect angels with us too. I have come to the conclusion that this behavioural pattern is part of the 'cunning plans' passed from baby to baby at clinics, toddler groups - wherever babies gather.

Plan A: for parents: pretend you are totally helpless and dependent on them - refuse milk and food, act ill, deprive them of sleep, make as much mess as possible. This will ensure a lifetime of parental subserviance to baby's needs.

Plan B: for Grandparents/aunties/childminders, etc: be as good as gold, eat everthing they give you, do not throw food about, keep nappy contents reasonable until you return home, sing, dance, smile, clap, wave and give lots of cuddles and kisses. This will ensure that baby becomes their 'best boy/girl' and gets lots of special attention and goodies.

Babies are quite cute enough to realise that they are the centre of their parents world but they may have to compete for attention within the wider family/world.

scrappydappydoo Sat 12-Jul-08 22:51:28

Ahh yes - dd1 is the same - sleeps thru whenever she stays at my mums, is perfectly behaved, eats everything etc..
I have several thoughts about this -
first i'm glad its that way round - i would have even more criticism if my dd misbehaved whilst with my mum
second, dd has a inbuilt knowledge of all my 'buttons' and knows exactly when to push them so that it makes me feel worse. (as does my mum)
thirdly, I have to remind myself that my mum has only had her for a couple of days and if she had to look after her 24/7 then she would be the same as me - my mum has clearly forgotton how tough it is bringing up kids.

I do agree it is incredibly frustrating so I come onto mn and rant and then feel normal, encouraged and supported. so I'm passing you a sympathetic cup of tea and let you know we're listening

estimo Sat 12-Jul-08 22:53:49

If she's really pissing you off and it's becoming a problem maybe you need to talk to her about it.

frankiesbestfriend Sat 12-Jul-08 23:02:44

Looking after a baby overnight is very different from doing it full time. For one night you can give all your attention, whereas keeping on top of the housework and constantly meeting a baby's demands is hard because it is relentless.

She is not there day in, day out.I'm sure it would be a whole other story if she were.

Also, my Mum used to stretch the truth about how the night had gone, not tell me when dd had been crying or difficult.
Not to make me feel bad about my own abilities, but to reassure me that leaving her overnight was fine, and not too much for my Mum to manage.

ilovewashingnappies Sat 12-Jul-08 23:03:37


That's how I shall get over this.

If darling daughter is an angel at Grandam's then I MUST be doing somehting right!!! Mewhahahahah!

LOL at babies planning these deviants at toddelr groups....

Thanks guys. I hang on to my Mum;s praise at me breastfeeding and hope (naivly) I wont drive my kids nuts when they have their own....

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