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to expect my grown up children to talk to each other

(10 Posts)
pastmysellbydate Sat 12-Jul-08 15:33:05

and not to bitch about each other to me? I am so fed up with it, I am just supposed to listen and agree. I made a grave error recently and actually voiced an opinion which has created all kinds of havoc. sad

mumonthenet Sat 12-Jul-08 15:43:53

oops, and now you're the villain of the plot?

But listen, you are not"supposed to listen and agree"

Next time one of them starts say:

sorry, darling, but I'm not interested in having this kind of conversation, if you have a bone to pick with your sis/bro then go and do so.

Amandoh Sat 12-Jul-08 16:09:05

Perhaps you could say jokily "Right! Outside now! That's my child you're talking about!" Then something like "Seriously though... I don't like listening to you moaning about X. Would you like it if X and I had a negative conversation about you? So, that's the end of it now. How are things going at work/home...?"

Or you could be very blunt and tell them that you think they're a little too old now to be telling tales to mummy and that you won't play the middle man.

I hope the situation improves for you soon.

bunchoflowers Sat 12-Jul-08 20:55:36

oooohhh, I know my brother does this to my mum....she tells me exactly all the unkind things he's been saying about me! I think it's generally the older sibling trying to keep the younger one down. They still have to maintain the natural order of things!! I don't think they ever get over the jealousy!

dizzydixies Sat 12-Jul-08 20:59:32

huge sympathies, expect here its my dad bitching about everyone else - I mean ffs does this still go on when you're 69yrs old?!?

squilly Sat 12-Jul-08 21:14:44

I have real sympathy with you on this one. My mum's 86 and has 6 of us. The family used to get on great...we didn't all like each other enormously, but we kept everthing in check. Then dad died...and mum was poorly...and the bitching began with avengance.

One of my sisters wanted to put my mum in a home cos she got flu one Christmas (long story...I won't bore anyone) so the family split in two. My mum knows there's been trouble and she knows we don't all get on, but we try to keep it to ourselves.

I'd love her to know things from my perspective, but at the end of the day, I know she would never believe my version of things. I was her least fave child...And to some degree it would be cruel to tell her half of what went on, so she lives in ignorance (partly from choice I suspect) and we all maintain a civil approach to each other in front of mum.

I have only one child and thought it's not out of choice, I'm glad, in retrospect, that my dd won't have that to contend with. On the other hand, I'd give anything for her to have brothers or sisters to share stuff with. Even the bad stuff.

Just tell your kids they're lucky to have each other. And you don't want to get involved in all their fights and niggles.

daffodill6 Sat 12-Jul-08 21:20:38

Agree with your sentiments squilly

daffodill6 Sat 12-Jul-08 21:21:17

Agree with your sentiments squilly

pastmysellbydate Sun 13-Jul-08 00:37:41

You are all very kind and it helps, thank you

thumbwitch Sun 13-Jul-08 00:43:56

well speaking as a sibling who doesn't speak to her brother (he is a pompous, arrogant PITA) I know it upset my mum. She was desperate for us all to get on, especially as she was an only child and always wanted sibs so she kept telling us we should be grateful to have each other. THAT DOESN'T HELP.

Being forced to speak to a sib who you don't want to doesn't help either. It just creates more resentment. (BTW, my bro's and my lack of interest in each other is entirely mutual)

By all means tell them you don't want to hear about it as they are all your children and you love them all; but please don't try and force them to talk to each other.

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