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to be acknowledged for a long contribution in an advice thread?

(61 Posts)
moanylisa Fri 11-Jul-08 20:41:54

I have changed my name out of embarrassment, but I joined mumsnet recently, lurked a few days, and dipped my toe in the water with a couple of innocuous contributions. I didn't really expect a hello or anything, but today I totally knocked myself out with what I thought was some good (asked for) advice on the relationships thread,with loads of personal stuff in it. The OP popped back on and lengthily replied to someone else while totally ignoring me!! Is it because you have to "earn your stripes" on here and get well known before people talk to you? I feel a bit put out, and a bit of a saddo for lurking all afternoon to see if anyone comments on what I said- pathetic I know! So, AIBU?

mrsbabookaloo Fri 11-Jul-08 20:43:26

No, I totally understand what you mean. Don't necessarily blame the person who ignored you, but it's so nice to be acknowledged, and I hang around like a saddo waiting to see if anyone's responded to my posts too!

flowerybeanbag Fri 11-Jul-08 20:46:37

I've more than earned my stripes on Employment and I still get ignored sometimes! Just keep at it. I always think someone reading may well have valued my advice even if the OP couldn't be bothered to come back/acknowledge.

YANBU or a saddo! And welcome!

TeriHatchetJob Fri 11-Jul-08 20:47:18

Don't bother to reply to that person again.

It doesn't take much for the OP to say, 'thanks for all the replies' even if she doesn't refer to yours particularly.

Don't be embarrassed and don't be put off - some people are rude on here just like in real life - it was good of you to offer your advice.

Lemontart Fri 11-Jul-08 20:47:41

Don’t be put off or put out. I can’t speak for the poster but do know that not everyone acknowledges every post. I often post longish stuff and have got used to being "ignored".
I don’t believe it is purely about "earning your stripes" either. While it is true, people build up characters and become friends/well known as individuals with background , that doesnt mean new people get ignored so much as the older ones perhaps get more notice? IYKWIM!
Eg. if XX answered a post about labour and you knew she was an ex midwife, doula and all round helpful practical soul who you have chatted online with a lot, chances are that her post will stand out a little from the rest and you will comment on that etc etc
Carry on posting. Personally while trying to suggest that it is not deliberate to ignore, I do understand how and why you would think it rude - many do acknowledge posts. Just don’t let those who do not acknowledge put you off from posting
Wow - what a lot of gobbly gook!

DeeRiguer Fri 11-Jul-08 20:48:30

no its not unreasonable to want to be acknowledged
but it aint always gonna happen

there is a bit of selective stuff going on cause people know each other just by the very nature of large site etc
but
there are some who post in response to what they read not necessarily because of whom it was written by and..you know who you are
they are to be treasured

GordontheGopher Fri 11-Jul-08 20:48:44

I get ignored all the time! You definitely need to build up some kind of reputation, be it good or bad!

flowerybeanbag Fri 11-Jul-08 20:48:47

Agree with that. I have a disappointly long list of people I won't advise again.

Boco Fri 11-Jul-08 20:49:07

It is nice to be acknowledged if you've tried to help, but you have to try not to take it too personally. I've asked for advice before, read each reply very carefully, but maybe not acknowledged each and every response, doesn't mean that I haven't appreciated it and thought about what's been said though.

Keep posting and try not to be put off, everyone is ignored sometimes.

moanylisa Fri 11-Jul-08 20:49:13

Yay, thankyou everyone, you have cheered me right up! grin

yousaidit Fri 11-Jul-08 20:49:19

Oh, I am totally sad, I always chek to see if people respnd to my posts. Being pg doesn't help, I insist on taking it personally f peopple don't ack. me and am over the moon if people ack me!! That's mn fr you: addictive and unhealthy, but hey...

LoveMyGirls Fri 11-Jul-08 20:49:20

I think sometimes you might reply but the OP might be writing a reply to others who have posted before you (I will often sit with a half typed post for ages because I don't have chance to finish it and post, so by the time i do post the conversation has moved on etc) so they miss your post because they're writing their own and then they don't have time to reply again, maybe?

goodomen Fri 11-Jul-08 20:50:11

It happens all the time to everyone!

To be fair when you start a thread (like this one!) you will see it is hard to respond to every post.

ilovemydog Fri 11-Jul-08 20:51:10

oh flowerybean - just when I was going to ask all about my compromise agreement! Grrr...

girliefriend Fri 11-Jul-08 20:51:11

Know exactly what you mean same thing just happened to me - was actually (secretly) rather pleased with advice I'd given but got zero acknowledgement!!! Have decided that while some people may think they want advice maybe they just don't want to hear it/ read it! And actually it will probably take more than a thread on here to change their behaviour or whatever! XxX

TheProvincialLady Fri 11-Jul-08 20:51:43

You need to learn to hold a GRUDGE womanwink

ChickenBurger Fri 11-Jul-08 20:52:43

This happened to me recently - someone posted for advice about their puppy and I gave some very specific advice that could have helped.

There weren't many other posts but she came back on, made a comment about what the puppy was doing now and totally ignored the fact that I'd bothered to give her some advice.

Like the others say, I won't reply to her again.

DeeRiguer Fri 11-Jul-08 20:53:13

flowerybb
that is a nice way to look at it i guess

i think in the end you just do it or you dont
post i mean

you will also often find something you said being repeated by someone else and lots of reactions etc..
tis weird really
and get the feeling no one is really reading it all
and you drift off to do something more productive but just
click again
shti

ilovemydog Fri 11-Jul-08 20:53:44

can I just add that like in rl - the bad/outrageous gets a mention, but the good goes unacknowledged.

For instance, it's easy to complain about bad service, but when did anyone write a letter about good smile

avenanap Fri 11-Jul-08 20:53:44

I get ignored most of the time. I did get a thankyou off the 'I bought a bed that turned out to be a draw' thread though. I was so happy.

I do forget to say thankyou sometimes, othertimes I make a general thankyou aimed at everyone. I'm very sorry. sad

ilovemydog Fri 11-Jul-08 20:53:46

can I just add that like in rl - the bad/outrageous gets a mention, but the good goes unacknowledged.

For instance, it's easy to complain about bad service, but when did anyone write a letter about good smile

divastrop Fri 11-Jul-08 20:54:27

its true that advice can often go unappreciated on here,but post something that contains poor grammar and/or txt speak and lots of people will noticewink

moanylisa Fri 11-Jul-08 20:55:12

Thanks @ goodomen, I am finding that out now! Gosh, I feel irrationally pleased people here know I'm alive now - you have all made me feel welcome, so I will change my name back and keep at it! Weirdly addictive this MN stuff, but now I've cheered up I can leave the compulsive checking til tomorrow now, and watch some telly...Thanks again everyone grin grin

GreenUmbrella Fri 11-Jul-08 20:55:15

IMO YANBU. I feel similar (name changed too!), recently started posting and felt offended that I only got a couple of responses, while some threads have 100s. Especially if, as you did, you give thought to advice, and also if you have a genuine concern you want advice on and get a paltry 3 replies. Bah.

flowerybeanbag Fri 11-Jul-08 20:56:36

I'd love to hear about your comp agreement ilovemydog!

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