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to wonder why people think "weddings are all about families"?

(89 Posts)
Elkat Fri 11-Jul-08 15:11:18

Okay, so if you have a church wedding, then I can see that but if you are not religious or of a different religion then its not surely...?

The legal requirements for a couple getting married are..

"In England and Wales the statutory declaration is:
I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I, __may not be joined in matrimony to __

It is followed by these contracting words:
I call upon these persons here present to witness that I, __do take thee, __, to be my lawful wedded husband/wife.

There are also two legal alternative declarations.
Declarations: I know of no legal reason why I, __, may not be joined in marriage to __.
Or by relying ?I am? top the question: Are you, __ free lawfully to marry__?

These are followed by the contract:
I, __, take you,__ to be my wedded wife/husband.
I, __ take thee, __ to be my wedded wife/husband "

Now call me thick, but there is no reference to families there whatsoever.

I read a lot of threads on here where people seem to state that 'weddings are about families' and so X should happen or Y should be invited but why do people think that weddings must be about 'families'? Is it just their opinion? (In which case, that is just one view amongst many, and so cannot be projected onto other people or their weddings!)Or is there a more substantial reason? Cause to my mind, a civil marriage is about the legal joining of two people together. No more, no less. It just seems to be Mumsnet wisdom that 'weddings are about families' yet I do not understand this view and do not see why I should accept some random person's ideal of what a wedding is about without good reason. So all of you who think 'weddings are about families' please tell me the good reason you have for stating this view!


MrsBadger Fri 11-Jul-08 15:26:38

only to the extent that all rite-of-passage celebrations are about families - cf birthdays, christenings, new babies etc

lots of people want the people they're closest to around them, and in most cases that means family

personally our wedding was abaout Having A Damn Good Time. Family were involved, sure, but the wedding wasn't about them.

ummadam Fri 11-Jul-08 15:26:50

Marriage is about you and your OH.

Weddings are a celebration of the start of a marriage - with those people you want to celebrate with and who (hopefully) will be supporting you in your new life together.

Weddings are about families... but I think it is up to you who you define as 'family'

MrsTittleMouse Fri 11-Jul-08 15:34:59

Well, I don't believe that weddings are about families. I think that part of the belief is due to the wording of the religious ceremony that includes marriage being for the procreation of children. But as an infertile couple, we found that implication very hmm and angry.

We have a DD now, and one on the way, by the way. And I still don't think that the point of getting married is to reproduce.

expatinscotland Fri 11-Jul-08 15:39:24


Weddings are about two people getting married.

That's why we eloped .

Anna8888 Fri 11-Jul-08 15:41:03

It depends on the culture.

In England, marriage is about two people.

In some countries the wider family is (legally) more implicated,

mazzystar Fri 11-Jul-08 15:42:37

difference between marriage and wedding
marriage is a contract between 2 people
weddings celebration thereof
imo weddings therefore about more than just happy couple, presumably about family if lucky enough to have one

ChickenBurger Fri 11-Jul-08 15:43:22

I agree with you OP.

I saw a thread on here a little while ago where someone was vehemently stating that weddings are all about families, and that weddings and children go hand in hand. Then she went on to say that although she had a child she wasn't married (not criticising having kids without being married btw, just found it very hypocritical).

People just love to project their own thoughts and ideals onto other people's weddings.

expatinscotland Fri 11-Jul-08 15:44:38

Well, you have to have a wedding ceremony in order to be married.

Even if it's at the Registry Office, you need to have the whole delaration/ceremony for it to be legal.

We eloped, but we still had to have a wedding.

wannaBe Fri 11-Jul-08 15:45:06


I think a lot of people use this line to justify their demands that their little preciouses be invited wink.

<<<on another note>>> expat are you still going to cat me re baby clothes?

Anglepoise Fri 11-Jul-08 15:45:19

Because it's creating a new family unit, surely? And because your family are what made the B&G who they are.

ChickenBurger Fri 11-Jul-08 15:46:34

But you never hear "weddings are about friends"

I know who I was more excited to see on my wedding day...

Foxymolly Fri 11-Jul-08 15:47:14

Our wedding will be about US

We have invited only our closest friends and their partners. These are the people we want to celebrate with.
IME family means hassle

Tortington Fri 11-Jul-08 15:47:18

weddings are about showing off aren't they?

expatinscotland Fri 11-Jul-08 15:47:27

done, wannabe!

expatinscotland Fri 11-Jul-08 15:48:33

No, they're not, Custy. They're about getting pished .

MrsTittleMouse Fri 11-Jul-08 15:48:48

The only weddings that I see as being "all about families" are the ones where people are creating step-families. In which case I think that it's only fair that the children are very involved - the wedding will create a new step-parent and possibly new siblings. Otherwise, it's an agreement between the bride and groom, and anyone else's involvement is an honour and not a right.

Tortington Fri 11-Jul-08 15:49:44

thats right expact (clobbers sefl)

weddings are about getting shitfaced

Tutter Fri 11-Jul-08 15:50:07

agree with op

i spurned all the traditional wedding stuff

made me uneasy

we just got married - simple as that

i still had comments about being becoming part of dh's family (well-meant but weird, imo)

fil even once went as far as to say that mil was now my "mum"


expatinscotland Fri 11-Jul-08 15:51:02

They're about getting gifts, too, Custy. In exchange for providing lots of alcohol to guests.

Foxymolly Fri 11-Jul-08 15:52:55

My MIL has always spoke to me about becoming 'part of the family'
Always reminded of the mafia, the Godfather film springs to mind.

wannaBe Fri 11-Jul-08 15:52:59

I think that weddings bring out the worst in people. the parents of the bride, the parents of the groom, and somewhere in the middle the couple seem to be forgotten.

I remember my wedding I had rows with my mother about the venue from about a year before we were due to get married "well you're supposed to get married in the bride's parents' home town" "well I don't live there so why would I want to get married there?" "well if you don't then x and y and z won't come" "well if they can't be arsed to drive an hour up the road I obviously don't mean that much to them so will save me some money won't it" and on and on and on. And then dh's parents started getting involved saying we had to have the seating like this and that and eventually I just couldn't be arsed with it any more and told them to do what the hell they liked as long as I was on the top table I didn't care. grin

beaniesteve Fri 11-Jul-08 15:55:29

I am scared of getting married. I can't think of anything worse than having a load of people looking at me, and worse taking my photo, while I make a tit of myself. If I had my way it would be me, him and a couple of strangers as witnesses. I have a tiny family (brother, sister, mum and their partners), he on the other hand has a huge one and loads of friends.

ChickenBurger Fri 11-Jul-08 15:55:51

So true Wannabe. We got married in Scotland where my family live even though we, DH's family and all our friends lived in England.

My scottish auntie still complained we got married 30 mins up the road from her and not in her home town shock

Weddings are about bitching generally, IME. Guests getting all hurt and offended when the entire even isn't planned solely around their needs and desires.

Tortington Fri 11-Jul-08 16:00:49

i got 7 clocks


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