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Does looking after a friend's child for the morning mean till 2pm

(69 Posts)
onebatmother Thu 10-Jul-08 22:41:04

Incredibly petty of me I know, and the first time I've done an AIBU about an RL situation.

Friend in childcare crisis has asked me to look after her 2.2 ds for the morning. I said 'of course' (though I'm ashamed to say that I'd been planning to park my own 2.9 dd in front of Cbeebies for most some of that morning bcs I've got some things that I really have to do on the day, that I knew I probably wouldn't be able to do today.

"So I'll see you at...?"


The children get on really well - for 2 year olds. It's not going to be possible to leave them for more than a minute at a time, I don't think.

I won't be able to make any of the excruciatingly long 'you are held in a queue' calls that I have to make.

And I have a sneaking suspicion that her DH, who's freelance and also studying, is not working but studying (totally valid - but in an emergency I would expect my own DP to catch up with study later) But this is a suspicion only.

Background: history of offering unasked-for favours, I accept with delight. Immediately presented with the 'return favour' that in truth motivated her offer.

Was supposed to be looking after ds while I gave birth to dd - but I discovered by chance that had dd arrived at a certain point - 1 week early - she wouldn't have been able to look after ds after all - bcs had subsequently taken up an offer of a 'bargain' holiday. DS being looked after by friends and not scared and alone was my huge worry etc etc.

She is probably the person who I have most fun with, locally iyswim. Funny, kind in many respects, would help in a crisis etc. Just this one 'favour' fault.

You know, I know i ABU, but my stomach is churning and I need someone to tell me that it's the other things that are more important.

If she'd said 'huge favour to ask, can you look after my toddler for 5 hours' I would have said yes without a thought (though have truthfully dreaded it) But I feel.. manipulated.

elmoandella Thu 10-Jul-08 22:44:33

sounds like a good friendship otherwise.

why not get her to watch ur dc in the near future. get all your stuff done you missed today. plus squeeze in some extra me time . make sure you dont return before 2pm

onebatmother Thu 10-Jul-08 22:46:29

Good idea elmo but not poss bcs she works ft.

elmoandella Thu 10-Jul-08 22:48:49

every day of the week?

i'm sure you could do with a lovely massage.

onebatmother Thu 10-Jul-08 22:55:28

have I posted the least controversial AIBU ever?

Actually it is all rather 'meh', isn't it? If I was reading it I'd prob feel the same.

TheRealPhartiphukborlz Thu 10-Jul-08 22:57:59

no, smile not meh
is it just for one occasion?>

handlemecarefully Thu 10-Jul-08 22:58:20

If I may be frank (and I don't mean to be unkind, but it will doubtless come across as rather blunt - sorry) - I do rather feel that you are making a mountain out of a molehill. Where is the big deal here? Particularly since there is reciprocity (you mention that she will help in a crisis).

Don't see why you feel manipulated. Dear God.

TheRealPhartiphukborlz Thu 10-Jul-08 22:58:26

i spose she said for the mornign as a sweetener?

harpomarx Thu 10-Jul-08 22:59:10

please miss, what is 'meh'? I have never known blush

onebatmother Thu 10-Jul-08 23:00:51


Yes TheReal - should be fine (other than having a lot on plate at the mo) but it's the history and the suspicion that DP isn't working (ie would put job in jeopardy by taking leave, or would lose money) that is making me grumpy.

elmoandella Thu 10-Jul-08 23:01:09

30 lashings for harpo! no talking back to the teacher

elmoandella Thu 10-Jul-08 23:01:10

30 lashings for harpo! no talking back to the teacher

handlemecarefully Thu 10-Jul-08 23:01:15

Or she might have said for the morning because it was ...errr...for the morning? Doesn't really constitute all day does it

greenelizabeth Thu 10-Jul-08 23:02:49

I agree, don't lose the friendship over it BUT........ how can she repay you? That's hard when she works, but there must be something!

Maybe I'm not actually very good with children hmm but I would have been gutted if I'd had my morning all planned out and then I had an extra child to look after. Always ten times as hard for some reason.

TheRealPhartiphukborlz Thu 10-Jul-08 23:03:20

no, for the mornign is NOT until 2 o'bloody clock!
is she working, does it take her time to get back to you.
the mornign is latest 1.00 o'clock

but, rant all you like and ask her a BIG favour in return smile

TheRealPhartiphukborlz Thu 10-Jul-08 23:04:04

it might be better than you think.

handlemecarefully Thu 10-Jul-08 23:04:18

Blimey CAPITALS and 'bloody' this and that. You're all barking!

onebatmother Thu 10-Jul-08 23:04:27

well handlemecarefully, the issue is that she is rarely straightforward in asking for what she wants, and when I did really need her help (birth of 2nd DC) she let me down. And thta is adding to my crossness that she didn't say 'can you look after my quite demanding ds for 5 hours at a point when I know you have a lot on.' Dear God.

You see, I'm beginning to see how these things kick orf. grin

TheFallenMadonna Thu 10-Jul-08 23:04:43

It's the other things that are important.


But if it's making you miserable then you should make some excuse next time she asks.

greenelizabeth Thu 10-Jul-08 23:04:48

PS, suspecting that her husband COULD do it but is studying...... that would irk me a little too I have to admit. He could study this evening. Basically he should make the sacrafice for his studies, not you. But he still got to have a nice evening.

I sound really petty now. I just mean I can see yourpoint

harpomarx Thu 10-Jul-08 23:04:58

<<accepts lashings>>

<<whines>> but what is it???

TheRealPhartiphukborlz Thu 10-Jul-08 23:06:23

can you make an excuse, say til 12.30 and lie about your plans
or just say 5 hours is far to long

greenelizabeth Thu 10-Jul-08 23:06:28

I think it's like bah humbug.

[by all means, correct me]

onebatmother Thu 10-Jul-08 23:07:01

grin harpo

I think it's 'I give more of a fuck about Jade Goody's fake tan solutions'

harpomarx Thu 10-Jul-08 23:08:54

a most excellent definition, onebat. I thank you.

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