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to think this is a bizarre and manipulative way to behave?

(22 Posts)
plagueridden Tue 08-Jul-08 23:50:17

I have name changed just incase this psychotic witch strange woman comes on here.

My BIL, SIL and their 1yo baby came to stay with us. They are from the other side of the country. They were here for 3 days and then went to stay with other friends of theirs who live nearby. These friends lent them a highchair, pushchair and a travelcot to use while they were here. They told them before they came that they would lend them these items and not to worry about bringing them. Anyway, 3 days after they left our house I got sick with some tummy bug. My DS obviously caught it and was sick too. It was a 12 hour thing. Both of us have fully recovered and haven't been sick for 3 days. My BIL decided that he wanted to come and stay here again for a couple of nights before they head back. These "friends" of theirs did everything they could to mess with his head. They told him his baby would catch gastro from us and wouldn't be able to travel etc etc. Anyway, when nothing they said changed his mind they said that they wouldn't lend them the highchair, pram and cot because they didn't want them to get infected shock This made me absolutely furious. Like we are some sort of dirty, plagueridden family or something. How exactly does a pram or high chair get "infected" anyway? (especially as it is not going to be used to hold the "disease-ridden" baby?) angry

colditz Tue 08-Jul-08 23:53:17

Have tolerance, someone in the family is probably an emetophobe.

Tortington Tue 08-Jul-08 23:54:07


handlemecarefully Tue 08-Jul-08 23:55:45

They are probably just overly worried about gastric bugs. I wouldn't read anything too sinister into it.

PinkTulips Tue 08-Jul-08 23:56:29


there are some very peculiar people on this planet hmm

plagueridden Tue 08-Jul-08 23:57:35

emetophobe...had to google it grin If that's the case...whoa, you wouldn't want to have a baby!

claudiaschiffer Tue 08-Jul-08 23:59:23

hahahaha people are odd. I have some 'friends' here who have refused any 2nd hand baby clothes/furniture etc for their baby (their first) as they are concerned about germs. I just thought it was funny. Don't get upset, people are just wierd.

Did your bil come anyway?

madamez Tue 08-Jul-08 23:59:49

Well if someone in the family was an emetophobe, someone in the family should have said so. I am not blaming phobics for having phobias, but if you have a phobia that doesn't give you the right to be insulting and obnoxious instead of explaining your problem.

zazen Wed 09-Jul-08 00:00:56

Woah indeed - you wouldn't want to have sex - or even kiss!!

Hope you're feeling better - a pox on both their houses!!

colditz Wed 09-Jul-08 00:01:46

They are often very ashamed also may believe it is entirely rational to eg burn sheets that have been vomited on - that's what my friend did, her mother used to (another emetophobe)

plagueridden Wed 09-Jul-08 00:09:56

Yes, claudia, they are coming anyway. I have borrowed all necessary items from a friend of ours so we don't need their stuff. I seriously think this is more about trying to manipulate BIL and SIL into staying there and not coming here.

LOL at zazen grin

handlemecarefully Wed 09-Jul-08 00:17:53

Over interpretation plagueridden. Paranoia too!

Ellbell Wed 09-Jul-08 00:25:08

OK... I am emetophobic (relatively mildly in the scheme of things, but still it does affect my life in some ways) and, yes, I am afraid that I am peculiar enough that, if the friends were me, I would think 'OMG, I really hope that sick germs don't get onto the stuff I've lent them and come back into my house'. I'd think it, but I wouldn't say it, because I can see that it's irrational. Phobias are irrational, though. I wouldn't be so rude as to refuse to lend the stuff, though, as I can see that this is totally my problem and no-one else's. I'd lend the stuff and then disinfect it thoroughly as soon as it got back through my door. Oh, and obviously I wouldn't expect anyone else to share my worries about this. I know that most people don't. It wouldn't stop me worrying, but I'd accept that most people are more laid-back about this than me (lucky them!).

So overall, and IMHO, YANBU to find these friends a bit rude, but YABU to think that they are being deliberately manipulative and that they think that you are dirty. It may be that someone is really panicking and not thinking through the consequences of their actions.

It is also possible, however, that I am just a freak. (I know I'm not the only one, though.)

plagueridden Wed 09-Jul-08 00:32:02

handleme I am certainly not paranoid! I know we're not dirty! I am just outraged that these people are giving BIL and SIL such a hard time. As much as it would be nice to think this is a genuine concern, the husband of the couple I am talking about is a nurse so I seriously doubt he has a problem being around illness! And the wife has a baby and is a teacher (cue being around germy kids!) - neither of the most sanitary things in the world grin She is a very controlling woman. I seriously doubt BIL and SIL will stay friends with them after this whole experience (oh, and this includes how the people acted while staying with them...the not letting them borrow their stuff was just the icing on the cake!)

Ellbell Wed 09-Jul-08 00:36:48

I have had two babies, plagueridden. Didn't cure me! IME phobias can make you a bit controlling, because you have to know that everything is 'just so', so that you feel safe. (Still think they were a bit rude, but I also think that you are overreacting a bit, sorry.)

S1ur Wed 09-Jul-08 00:39:24

its odd and illogical behaviour on their part

<adjusts pointy spock ears>

tbh I would be more bemused than furious though. Maybe they heard how clean your house was and suspected bleach and anti-bacs so were scared of superbugs? [winkin]

S1ur Wed 09-Jul-08 00:40:32

gah got to be more decisive on emoticions. wink/grin not just winking at ya!

plagueridden Wed 09-Jul-08 00:41:58

That's alright, Ellbell, I am overreacting. grin I just think she's really rude and arrogant and after this I don't like her at all. She's had 3 au pairs in a row walk out on them withour giving any notice and it all turns very hostile. She just doesn't treat people very nicely.

plagueridden Wed 09-Jul-08 00:45:29

Oh yes, slur, you are entirely right. We have been to each other's houses and hers is way dirtier than mine so your superbug theory explains it perfectly. grin

plagueridden Wed 09-Jul-08 22:57:06

To those kind-hearted souls who thought this behaviour must be due to emetophobia...

This woman had lent SIL a book when she first got here which was still at my house. She demanded BIL make me drive it over to return to her today because she "needed" it. hmm

Also, SIL remembered she had left a DVD at this woman's house and called her to ask if she could give it to me when I dropped the book off only to be snaped at that she was "far too busy to look for it". hmm hmm

SIL was in tears when she turned up here. This woman is a bully, plain and simple.

handlemecarefully Thu 10-Jul-08 22:40:26

plagueridden - she does sound quite mad, I'll give you that!

MsHighwater Fri 11-Jul-08 00:04:10

Did she make you disinfect the book first?

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