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To feel angry at this utter waste of three lives?

(23 Posts)
SmugColditz Sun 20-Apr-08 15:28:05

I went to school with two kids, bright things they were, whose mother was an alcoholic.

Those poor kids permanently stank. They were often hungry, they were booted out for hours on end, they were dirty.

the SS were involved, but did nothing.

I bumped into the older one a few months back. She's older than me, and is immaculate. She's also on the game.

the younger one is a petty thief who's never worked, has never been employable - he's my age and looks 10 years older. He's not bright enough not to get caught.

The mother is living under the railway bridge when her local pub's landlord gets fed up of the smell in the outhouse.

It's heartbreaking, and should never have happened like that.

The mother has a place in an old people's home, apparently, because she is a 'vulnerable over 55' but she won't take it.

I played with those kids, I spent my childhood sharing my lunch and my toys with those kids, and they could have been so much better than they were allowed to be.

HuwEdwards Sun 20-Apr-08 15:30:49

Very very sad, Colditz.

SmugColditz Sun 20-Apr-08 15:35:23

It's heartbreaking, they weren't loved, she can't have loved them or how could she had let that happen?

edam Sun 20-Apr-08 15:47:50

Oh Colditz, that is terrible.

Spidermama Sun 20-Apr-08 15:50:06


They should have been rescued or helped in some way.

KatieScarlett2833 Sun 20-Apr-08 16:21:31

It's so unfair that these children were failed by their mother and then failed yet again by the system. What chance did they have?

I totally understand why you feel angry Colditz. I would too.

MotherofUBERboys Sun 20-Apr-08 16:24:08

she may well have loved them. she clearly wasnt up to the job of looking after them, or herself for that matter.

they should have been removed and she shouldve been helped.

v sad.

Blandmum Sun 20-Apr-08 16:26:06

Colditz, the saddest thing of all is that she probably did love them.

In that joyous first moment when you see your child, you don't think, 'Great I can really fuck your life up and make you miserable'

All you want for them at that moment is love an happiness. I'm sure that is true for all but the maddest of psychopaths.

But she was an addict. And that became more important to her.

Dreadful. Poor children. My old biology teacher is the same. Her kid is fucked up, she is dying by inches , and amazing woman who changed my life utterly. Poor thing. sad

SmugColditz Sun 20-Apr-08 17:00:58

They should have been removed. They'd have been better off in care, and I don't say that lightly.

They used to get themselves arrested to be fed, FFS.

hippipotami Sun 20-Apr-08 17:18:14

Oh Colditz sad

I don't understand how the system failed these kids so badly?
Surely it would have been better to intervene?

You are right, they should have become so much more than they are now sad

Blandmum Sun 20-Apr-08 17:19:47

awful C, just dreadful. I've taught kids in that situation and it really breaks your hreat.

SmugColditz Sun 20-Apr-08 17:23:33

They just didn't have a chance. Ther4e is not really much chance they could have done any better.

ThatBigGermanPrison Fri 15-Aug-08 23:35:51

remember this?

The younger one was in the local paper today. he burgled his aunt, money for food, apparently (which knowing him I believe completely).

He's been sleeping rough for 10 months, according to the paper. I cried when I read it.

I'd get involved, but I don't want to be burgled.

The judge let him off on a suspended sentence, despite 48 previous convictions. They recognise his uniqueness.hmmsad

He doesn't need a prison, he needs a fucking social worker.

solo Fri 15-Aug-08 23:41:27

What? TBGP, should there be a link?

Alambil Fri 15-Aug-08 23:43:25

oh goodness, thats so sad - the system is failing him

Peachy Fri 15-Aug-08 23:51:22

Similar family near us too Colditz- scarily common

Dad ended up in prison after trying to strangle eldest; youngest 2 were taken into care then but too late. The younger two (twins) ar ein and out of jail; daughter is working as a nanny and paid in heroin, or at least she was when anyone alst heard of her- she could be dead now for all I know; older son got away, is a lovely chap, caring dad and Husband

Culd have been the same for them all if SS had intervened early enough, older son got a few years in before evil stepdad came into his life I think sad

it's terrible but all too common

ThatBigGermanPrison Fri 15-Aug-08 23:54:25

Sorry solo, - I started this thread. I was just illustrating how BADLY wrong a life can go.

It's just ... this isn't a 'case', or a 'story' or a 'client' ... this was a boy I went to primary school with. He came to my 6th birthday party. He used to come round to my house on Friday and eat fish and chips.

Later, I used to see him round and about the town. We used to say hello, and he would ALWAYS ask me to pass his regards to my parents, and ask about my family.

I've a photo of him somewhere, and he's the same age as ds1, and I could set the world alight for that sad little face peering out from under dirty hair.

he was a person, he is a person, and all anyone is going to see as a tramp who burgles his relatives for petty cash.sad

Next time I see him (if), I'm going to talk to him about how he can get some help. It is the LEAST I can do. I had no idea he was sleeping rough.

ThatBigGermanPrison Fri 15-Aug-08 23:55:58


solo Sat 16-Aug-08 00:02:33

Oh I see - I've got two names in one thread?

Yes, very sad. I knew a couple of kids at primary that I often think about too. Smelly, dirty, but so nice and I too spent a bit of time with them in the holidays. I doubt though, that they are anything other than respectable though.
I hope that your friends sort themselves out, or even accept some help. I would though, remember that you may get caught up in something that you can't change. They have to want to change and it's possible if not probable that they wont actually want to change or thank you for your trouble. Good luck though.

CaptainFabioHiltsTheCoolerCat Sat 16-Aug-08 00:03:08

Every time I see someone old and homeless and dressed in stinking rags with no shoes I think, you were someone's baby once, you were born and someone was overjoyed, what happened?

Horribly sad tales, Peachy and TBGP.
What's especially sad is fearing getting involved now for fear of burglary.
I wouldn't want to get involved now either - but it's horribly sad to think that a child that had some hope of a decent future now has close to none.

Peachy Sat 16-Aug-08 15:17:02

it;s hard knowing what to do with adukts

wiyth kids its easer- mum would wash him (let him swim in the paddling pool lol, same thing- esp if bubbles involved!), darn his pants, give them money for electric (Mum blew it all at bingo)- mind you, for some reason it seemed easier back them to intervene. Peoples kids, where I was at elast, were everyone elses- different now

willweeversell Sat 16-Aug-08 16:23:38

This thread has made me really really sad.

Now I am a mum myself I seem to spend a lot of time thinking back to my own childhood.

I was friendly with a family of three kids who lived near me, i used to pop around to their house every now and again. the mum (no dad around) was always in bed, the house was stripped bare and on the odd occasion the mum did come down she always seemed ill. I didn't go round much as even at 10/11 just being in the house felt really wrong.

Looking back now (I can remember her face so vividly-why???) she was a drug user, she had all the classic signs. The kids were all so sweet but basically just looked after themselves. Now and again they would 'disappear' for a while and I assume they must have maybe be taken into care when times were at their worst. they always came back though.

Saw another old friend a few years ago, a lovely, really talented artist at school, but whose parents were both out of work alcoholics. She had her two young daughters with her. She stank of alcohol at 10.30 in the morning. She gave me her number to get back in touch but to my shame I never did.

Live just deals out some f*ing shit hands to some kids sad

I know this is an old thread but someone posted a link to it and I've just read it. It's very horrible hwo these poor kids' lives have turned out now they're adults.

But I just wanted to add there are some who make it through to have normal lives. My DH and his brother were those kids who smelt, had dirty hair, always wore the same dirty clothes, were always starving, house was completely bare. Their mum had/has severe mental health issues. They were taken into care several times but were always sent back. Sometimes they would go for 4- 5 days without food. Completely horrific childhood.

But they both have turned out to be nice normal caring men. My DH is married (obviously) with 3 kids as is BIL. We live in a decent house as does BIL and his family. Both of their lives are a world away from their childhood, and both are happy.

Just wanted to add a positive note.

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