to find BIL behaviour strange around my child

[isthisodd283]

feel free to tell me if you think i’m over anxious about this

basically my BIL is 40 - sister is 15 years younger. not sure if that matters but anyway.

i have a 10 month old daughter and my BIL is a bit odd around her and i don’t know if i’m just thinking too far into things.

my worry is basically he is the only person who will kiss her - i have asked a thousand times for him not to and he still does. he also does this thing where he nuzzles into her neck and kisses at her neck etc which makes me feel sick but don’t know if that’s me seeing things differently? also he will walk off into a room with her by himself. nobody else feels the need to have alone time with her so why does he? i follow him literally everywhere as i don’t like it. also he will not hand her back easily. if she’s crying or whinging or if someone else just wants to hold her he will outright blank them and pretend he can’t hear them and just keep a grip of her. it’s so weird. obviously i just grab her but like my mum for instance felt very put out by this

also yesterday we had a meal at my house just me my sister and a few friends (all women, no partners invited). he came into the house as he wanted to see my daughter specifically. wanted to tell him to fuck off it’s a girls night and everyone was just awkwardly waiting for him to get out. luckily dd just cried when he tried to hold her so he left quickly anyway.

but aibu to find him odd? i feel like i should trust my instincts and i would never let him or her babysit for this reason but don’t know if i’m being daft

[ZigZagIntoTheBlue]

We have instincts for a reason, listen to them!

[username1293948]

Odd behaviour but could just be innocent. Nonetheless he needs to back off.

[Maxiedog123]

Is this your sister's husband?

[LaBellina]

I wouldn’t let anyone touch my daughter again if I had told them to not kiss her and they didn’t listen. Red flag 🚩.
YANBU at all.

[NuffSaidSam]

He sounds a bit odd, but not like a paedophile if that's what you're getting at?

I think it's quite sad that no-one else kisses your baby! But, he should respect your wishes on that and give her back when she cries/you ask him to. None of that is acceptable.

If you don't feel comfortable, then keep your distance.

[YoComoManzanas]

It is odd. Trustyour instincts and invite them over less or just sister alone. No need for drama or accusations.

[Chickychoccyegg]

Hard to tell, could be completely innocent, or possibly not, there's nothing specifically weird in what he's done, he might just really love your dd/having a baby in the family, but all you can do is trust your instincts, keep a close eye and don't leave them unattended.

[Winniemarysarah]

How did he come into your house? Did he just walk in?

[FionnulaTheCooler]

Time to put a hard boundary in place, he doesn't touch your child, ever. If he can't respect your boundaries he's not welcome in your house.

[Seeingadistance]

Eurgh!

Creepy as fuck, especially the neck nuzzling and kissing. My skin is crawling just thinking about it.

[Member869894]

He visited your house to see your daughter??? That just sounds very weird. But you also sound a bit weird for just going along with it tbh

[Thatsplentyjack]

Yes, that is really weird. Keep her away from him.

[Level75]

Is it you BIL through your sister? If so, have you raised it with her?

[notthatonethisone]

If anyone ignored me with with regards to my baby, walked off with my baby and ignored requests to hand her back that person would never touch my baby again.

How did he get in your house?

He would not be welcome in my house ever again. End of.

[Mummytobe93]

No wonder you feel uncomfortable about it OP - it feels off. On top of that is unhygienic to kiss babies, he needs to stop.

[Onthefloor2]

He could just really love her and would be the same if it was a boy-also could not.
I would think it’s fine whilst I’m in the room, but instincts are there for a reason so I would follow him out of the room and never leave them alone, never any babysitting

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Why ignore your instincts- so not to offend?- not a good enough reason, if it was normal and innocent he wouldn’t be pushing back and ignoring your requests

[ArtfulScreamer]

Trust your instincts, you might be reading things wrong but I'd rather trust my instincts and be wrong than not trust them and be right.

[SickAndTiredAgain]

Could be innocent obviously but if you’re uncomfortable with it then that’s enough of a reason to put a stop to it. No one needs to be taking a baby to a separate room for no actual reason - it’s just such an odd thing to do and I can’t imagine a situation where a relative would just get up and walk off with DD when she was that age.
The fact he’s refusing to stop doing these things when asked is also unacceptable. Someone who flatly refused to hand my baby back to me wouldn’t be allowed to hold them again.

Does he have any children?

[grapewine]

Yeah, that's not okay.

[Mummytobe93]

And to arrive to your house unannounced, SPECIFICALLY to see the baby … I don’t know, I’m about bit of a safeguarding freak but it feels too intense to me for a grown man who’s not the father to be obsessed with a baby to this extent.

I’d try to distance the baby and yourself from him.

[grapewine]

@notthatonethisone

If anyone ignored me with with regards to my baby, walked off with my baby and ignored requests to hand her back that person would never touch my baby again.

How did he get in your house?

He would not be welcome in my house ever again. End of.

This. I wouldn't be worried about offending.

[kweeble]

You need to protect your baby and use your voice! Why did you let him in? Set some boundaries now - your little girl will need to know that it’s her choice whether someone kisses her etc. and it’s best you show the way.
He may or may not be a paedophile - he sounds as if he has an unhealthy obsession with her regardless - you’re the parents so speak up.

[girlmom21]

Why do you let anyone have that much contact with your child if they're making you feel uncomfortable?

[southlondoner02]

I wouldn't be comfortable with this either. If a parent asks you to hand back a baby/ not kiss them then you do it straight away.

I think you're going to need to have a proper conversation because he's not respecting your boundaries. When DD gets older and more able to understand you will want to teach about body autonomy and frankly this man is unlikely to respect those boundaries. At best his behaviour will be a terrible message to her.