Would you tell the other woman?

[Trippingslippingx1]

I met a guy who was 41/M no children on Bumble
He told me he was getting a divorce and they lived seperately Went on a few dates with him over the course of a few months I had an instinct a few things were up - he still followed his ex on his apple watch, she was still commenting on his photos on social media, he also told me the wrong number for his flat (92) when I put it into Uber on one of our dates to drop him off, then when he invited me his flat it was 61 (same road). He was very reluctant to have me over at first. I gave benefit of the doubt.

Last date I went on with him he had a drink in him and let a few things slip which gave me gut reaction that he may have been lying about getting a divorce. Followed my instinct and now glad I did.

They are still together - friend found them on social media recently pictured together with numerous comments about how lovely a couple they are. Had only known him a few weeks so not alot of time wasted.

Disappointed that someone would feel so little respect for other people that they could be potentially using them as ‘side chick’.

Feel a bit sick to be honest now I realise this but glad I got away.

AIBU to have an insane want to message him utter profanities and also tell her?
For the record I just made the quietest and most graceful exit I could and he is blocked everywhere.

Another HUGE warning flag ladies about these types - he did not use his real name on his social media (only initials) so he was difficult to find initially. Always always vet met online and be very careful. I read last night 30% of men on online dating are already married.

[Tal45]

Screen shot his profile on Bumble and ask her if she's ever wondered why he only uses his initials on social media. Tell her what has happened between you. Don't contact him.

[TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes]

I hope I would tell the wife if I was in this position.
I would definitely want to be told

[PickAndChooseMe]

I would definitely want to know.

[Trippingslippingx1]

How do i even open this conversation do i message her on instagram? I mean I just feel so embarressed that it even got to this stage with him - I feel I should have followed my gut instinct now in hindsight about the way he was behaving. It all seems so clear. I know logically it is him who should be embaressed. He removed his bumble profile ‘because he had met me’ and also he kept ‘muting’ his profile which I think was another tact now so he was not seen in the stack locally. I feel so sick.

[topayornottopay]

I'd want to know too. I doubt this is the first time he has done it.

Screen shot any messages or his dating profile and send them to her. Just say to her, you just found out he is married and that you'd want to know if it was the other way around.

[MissNothing1991]

Please tell the wife. I have been the wife (fiancée in my case) and many people knew it, including my own friends and family for years and said nothing. I cannot tell you how much damage this caused me. Especially my mental health.

I know it's something nobody wants to do. But she is much better knowing.

[BlueSky8]

Tell her

[Comedycook]

No I wouldn't tell her. I just don't care enough about random people's lives to justify adding drama to mine.

[Hemingwayzcatz]

This happened to me some years ago. Met a guy off an online dating website, obviously no idea he was in a relationship at all. His social media was vague, I did notice some pics with a woman and asked who she was but he said she was his best friend. One morning I woke up to a very long FB message from said woman, she was in fact his long term partner and she’d found my texts (although not many, he’d deleted most but forgot the ones from the night before when we’d met up for a date and shagged). I sent her screenshots of his dating profile as well as photos we’d taken together, messages we’d sent to one another and told her to get out of dodge. She was really nice about it tbh, just a nice woman in general I think. She didn’t listen to me, married and had a baby with him. I social media stalked on and off anyway to see how it went down, he cheated again when the baby was born and she left him for good.

I’d want to know if it was me, as hurtful as it would be. Send screenshots of texts and of his bumble profile to her on SM. Up to her what she does from there on out.

[Trippingslippingx1]

@Hemingwayzcatz

This happened to me some years ago. Met a guy off an online dating website, obviously no idea he was in a relationship at all. His social media was vague, I did notice some pics with a woman and asked who she was but he said she was his best friend. One morning I woke up to a very long FB message from said woman, she was in fact his long term partner and she’d found my texts (although not many, he’d deleted most but forgot the ones from the night before when we’d met up for a date and shagged). I sent her screenshots of his dating profile as well as photos we’d taken together, messages we’d sent to one another and told her to get out of dodge. She was really nice about it tbh, just a nice woman in general I think. She didn’t listen to me, married and had a baby with him. I social media stalked on and off anyway to see how it went down, he cheated again when the baby was born and she left him for good.

I’d want to know if it was me, as hurtful as it would be. Send screenshots of texts and of his bumble profile to her on SM. Up to her what she does from there on out.

I have known it happen quite a few times TBH and it is scary I think he would have kept it going for as long as it suited him. I know one girl was dating a guy for 1 year before she found out, another 9 months. Scary world.

How long did you date him for?

[TyrannosaurusRegina]

I'd tell her as I'd want to know. What a shit.

[KirstenBlest]

Yes

[joysmoy66]

I'd want to know for sure

[Trippingslippingx1]

I feel sick 🥺

[Mamamamasaurus]

I'd want to know if I was the wife. Surely most people would.

[Gonnagetgoing]

I'd want to know too. Is it Eddie Boxshall?! Denise Van Outen's ex - he has apparently been up to the exact same tricks - filthy bugger!

[Gonnagetgoing]

@Trippingslippingx1

I feel sick 🥺

I'd just tell her and be done with it. Don't get into any convos with her. It's not your fault and it's not her fault.

[Veryverycalmnow]

I would want to know but be prepared for a bit of backlash

[Gonnagetgoing]

I had this happen last year in a pub - met a guy - very friendly - very into me - swapped loads of flirty text messages and wanted to meet up, we had one date in a local craft beer bar and on our next date we eventually decided to try a new bar/restaurant locally. He kissed me on the first date too, proper kissing.

On the second date he dropped the bombshell on me, just as we were about to order food and had had one cocktail, that he was living with a woman romantically and he couldn't go any further (ha! - I think his guilty conscience suddenly got the better of him) but would I come to a bar with him and his mates. His GF apparently allowed him out on nights out - I found out from someone else he was known as a bit of a sleaze locally but as he was a laugh it was ok. I chucked the remains of a salt rimmed cocktail at him and stormed out of the venue leaving him to pay the bill.

[Gonnagetgoing]

@Trippingslippingx1

How do i even open this conversation do i message her on instagram? I mean I just feel so embarressed that it even got to this stage with him - I feel I should have followed my gut instinct now in hindsight about the way he was behaving. It all seems so clear. I know logically it is him who should be embaressed. He removed his bumble profile ‘because he had met me’ and also he kept ‘muting’ his profile which I think was another tact now so he was not seen in the stack locally. I feel so sick.

I'd follow her and try to get her to follow you on instagram and then message her.

She may not believe you.

I had another prince of men who was swapping emails/texts etc with me for ages and going on dates on and off. I then found out via FB that he was living with a woman lawyer. Via linked in he then denied anything and said he would do if I mentioned anything. I'd dated him before when he'd had an accident and broken arm/shoulder area. I decided that if I were her I'd rather know so rather than email on social media I actually emailed her at her work, just told her and that was that. Never heard anything back but I thought if she was going to marry and have kids with him (on the cards it looked like from social media) then I'd rather know if I were her.

[Trippingslippingx1]

I have the impression this is not this guys first rodeo either and I think after our last date either the guilt kicked in or he realised I had rumbled him.

I had a brief phone call with him prior to my ghosting and I am sure he knew he was completely rumbled.

One of the things he said to me when he was drunk - ‘he had a wandering eye’ during his marriage. Wandering cock more like. (He was as thick as two short planks to say this - that alone was enough to up and leave)

[ashorterday]

Do you have any other proof, text messages from him etc?

I would want to know if I was the wife in this scenario!

[GreenClock]

Don’t get involved in a to-and-fro with her. Tell her the facts and include screenshots. She may decide to stay with him until he does it again, but that won’t be on your conscience and it’s not your problem.

[BlueSky8]

@GreenClock

Don’t get involved in a to-and-fro with her. Tell her the facts and include screenshots. She may decide to stay with him until he does it again, but that won’t be on your conscience and it’s not your problem.

I agree with this.

[Mybumlooksbig]

Tell her. Be kind about it. Xx