Horrible nickname in DDs Christmas cards

(141 Posts)
BullFrogDog Wed 08-Dec-21 15:17:55

DD (12) came home with a Christmas card last week which read “to fat thing, merry Christmas from Ria x”
I asked why it said fat thing to which DD said this is just what this girl calls her and she has nicknames for everyone. I said it was a horrible thing to call someone but DD insisted she wanted the card displayed and I was asked not to make a fuss.

Since then 2 more cards have surfaced addressed to “Fat Thing” from different girls. I called the school, they have finally rang me back and said they spoke with DD and the girls involved and it transpired that this is a nickname for DD which she states she doesn’t mind. The teacher has banned the nickname and has instructed DD to inform her if anyone calls her it again.
Rightly or wrongly I’ve just had a quick look on her laptop and this name has been in use for months, at least as far back as the main lockdown.

AIBU to want to take it further or am I being OTT?

OP’s posts: |
Kittykat93 Wed 08-Dec-21 15:19:15

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

starrynight87 Wed 08-Dec-21 15:20:37

This sounds odd, do you think your daughter agrees with the nickname to keep the peace or due to peer pressure?

JaninaDuszejko Wed 08-Dec-21 15:20:49

It's horrible but you'll make it worse by complaining about it.

Ozanj Wed 08-Dec-21 15:21:16

You need to work on your daughter’s self esteem. Teaching her to give back as good as she gets is the best way to deal with these losers.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz Wed 08-Dec-21 15:24:06

How can school be sure DD really is ok with this and isn't trying to just front things out?

It sounds so odd and maybe she is but I'd suggest - and I'm sure now it's on your radar you are - watching this space, take pics of the cards, email correspondence and keep records of phone conversations with school in case this is part of a bigger picture.

Inclined to agree with Ozanj and afk what nicknames she has for them!

Hope you're both ok thanks

smoko Wed 08-Dec-21 15:25:55

What are her nicknames for them?

Does DD have an explanation as to how the nickname came about?

It's such a shame how nasty girls can be with name calling. Even if your DD doesn't mind "fat" as a private joke isn't a great look, as it likely means they will use it as a slur against someone else.

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ABCeasyasdohrayme Wed 08-Dec-21 15:25:57

Fucking hate young girls, sorry but the majority of them are arseholes confused no they aren't.

What we're the conversations like when you looked on her laptop? If they were being friendly enough and your dd is truly not upset then I would just leave it.

Ywbvu to push it further if this is the only thing and your dd is asking you to leave it.

They all probably have daft nicknames for each other, as many kids do.

Bluntness100 Wed 08-Dec-21 15:27:37

Does anyone else have a bad nickname?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing Wed 08-Dec-21 15:27:56

I think you’re right to think this isn’t on, but wrong to call the school yourself

You need to work on her ability to stand up for herself and say no to nicknames like this.

Obviously if she’s very skinny and it’s ironic it’s a slightly different kettle of fish (although could also be upsetting)

IgneousRock Wed 08-Dec-21 15:28:09

It sounds like the teacher has dealt with it, I wouldn't take things any further for now but keep an eye on your DD. Does she seem happy at school generally?

Bluntness100 Wed 08-Dec-21 15:28:18

Also is she fat. Or is she very slim and it’s a joke name.

LubaLuca Wed 08-Dec-21 15:30:40

It might be a bit of an in-joke - do any of the other have these types of nicknames?

Also, is she actually fat?

oatlattetogo Wed 08-Dec-21 15:31:30

Is your daughter overweight? If she isn’t then it’s just a (very) weird nickname, maybe an in-joke. I wouldn’t like it but if it genuinely doesn’t bother her then there’s not much you can do about it.

If she is overweight then I would be a bit firmer about it needing to be stopped. Firstly because I’d be worried that she actually did mind being called it and was putting on a brave face, but also because of what other bigger girls might feel hearing it. I was an overweight teenager, I’d have been mortified if one of my classmates who was the same size as me (or smaller, but still overweight) was being called ‘fat thing’. Somehow it’s not the same if your daughter is slim, but I’d have constantly been thinking ‘well if they call her fat then what must they be saying about me?’.

marykitty Wed 08-Dec-21 15:34:21

Depends. Is she overweight?
If not, it could be just an inside joke. I had few strange nicknames back in the days with dear friends, all inside jokes.

PleasantBirthday Wed 08-Dec-21 15:35:05

Do the other girls have nicknames that could be construed as abusive too? Can your DD use them to the other girls? If they also have nicknames and your DD participates in calling and being called these names, I think it would be OK. My guess is that you already know that so I'm assuming not.

Did your DD say why she is OK with it?

TheLightSideOfTheMoon Wed 08-Dec-21 15:35:44

Has she seen Pitch Perfect and picked it up from there?

PestoPlum Wed 08-Dec-21 15:37:58

Yep, I’d need to know what the other girls nicknames are, they might all be horrible.

WakeUpLockie Wed 08-Dec-21 15:38:03

One of my friends at school went by Fat - she was the skinniest of them all. My mum did too actually!!! She was thin as a rake. Other nicknames were Bev and Dave. Kids are weird.

WakeUpLockie Wed 08-Dec-21 15:38:37

Meant to add no one minded and we were more often in hysterics than not. Might all be fine!

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz Wed 08-Dec-21 15:39:44

FWIW I was thin at that age and was often called skinny or skeleton.

Hilarious it was confused

LaBellaTrix Wed 08-Dec-21 15:40:08

Is she skinny and it's a joke nickname?

I used to be called Rolypoly at school because I was tall and slender. Still tall, not quite so slender.

Kanaloa Wed 08-Dec-21 15:40:16

Kittykat93

Fucking hate young girls, sorry but the majority of them are arseholes. I don't blame you for ringing the school, not sure what else you can do but you have my sympathies..I'm not looking forward to the teen years.

These young girls are (it sounds like) nasty. It’s silly to say the majority of young girls are ‘arseholes.’ Young people of both sexes can occasionally be dicks. Like older people of both sexes.

Unfortunately it sounds like these particular girls may have ganged up on your daughter and she’s trying to keep the peace/stay friends op. Hopefully you can talk to her and maybe get to the bottom of it - I’d be worried that there could be more to it.

GreetingsAndSalutations Wed 08-Dec-21 15:40:28

Kids this age- girls and boys- can be fucking vile. I think you did the right thing for your daughter. She doesn’t deserve to be given an insulting nickname and this kind of nastiness needs stamping out because in my experience it does escalate. Hope things don’t get tricky for your daughter at school though.

RosiePosieDozy Wed 08-Dec-21 15:40:41

You definitely need to be working on her self esteem. She shouldn't be okay with being called that.

It seems like she has accepted the name rather than speak up. It's bullying.

If it's some kind of inside joke, surely there are nicknames for the others?

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