DH finds my family hard work

(179 Posts)
BorisCrimboParty Wed 08-Dec-21 12:15:04

Or more so my mum, sister and stepfather.

They ARE hard work but DH and I have been together for 10 years and he’s never mentioned it before. We met up with the 3 of them at weekend to go to a Christmas market.
It was a 10 minute walk from my mums house and my mum and sister walk dead slow. So slow that pensioners with sticks etc get irritated trying to get past them. My sister is only 30. I’ve honestly never known anyone walk so slow but nobody mentioned it yet they constantly called us back to apologise for how slow they are. DH and I were trying to chat but were constantly being shouted of to apologise for slow walking. Anyway we eventually got to the market and my step dad suddenly disappeared into the crowd and we lost him, he just walked off!! My mum and sister then continuously mentioned that he was was lost and that we needed to find him. There was no way we would find him in those crowds and he knew his way home so DH and I just carried on trying to enjoy the market only to keep getting shouted back to be told that step father was missing. At every corner my mum and sister just stopped dead asking which way we were going. I had mentioned that DH and I were planning on visiting my cousin after the market and my mum continuously asked questions about it
“What time are you going to Laura’s?”
“Are you staying at Laura’s all afternoon?”
“Does Laura know you’re going?”
“Are you walking to Laura’s or driving?”
“What time does Laura think you’re going?”

In the end I snapped and said “I don’t know!! It’s not a big event! We’re just popping in!” My mum and sister started whispering to each other about how I struggle in crowds etc - DH was getting irritable at this point. We carried on walking.
“Are you getting lunch here?”
“Was you getting fish and chips?”
“Was your going to get something when you get home?”
“Are you eating at Laura’s?”
“Don’t you like the market?”
“What time are you leaving the market?”
“Are you walking around the market again?”
“What way are we going now?”


Anyway we’re due to go to a Christmas festival with them next weekend and DH started ranting last night that he can’t face another day out with them. He also thinks I should see less of them as I always come home snappy when I’ve been with them.

Now I’m going to feel awkward next time we’re with them as I now know how he really feels!

OP’s posts: |
LJAKS Wed 08-Dec-21 12:16:40

You seem to feel the same way though?

hotmeatymilk Wed 08-Dec-21 12:19:20

What’s the AIBU? They do sound like hard work. He’s had 10 years of it, he’s allowed to finally snap.

Xiaoxiong Wed 08-Dec-21 12:19:40

Er...not only do I agree with him, it sounds like you agree with him too...

Cellobear Wed 08-Dec-21 12:19:52

Um no offence intended but I would find you "hard work"..... getting annoying at their walking pace and irritated when they are asking questions.
There was no need to snap at them.
My mum is elderly she walks slow, I walk slow with her because that's a normal reaction. If I needed to get somewhere quickly I'd drive or get a taxi.

SilverHairedCat Wed 08-Dec-21 12:20:02

He has a point.

Perhaps you need to take some time off from them. Or at least go do something in between seeing them and going home (to break your frustration) if you come home snappy.

Mercurial123 Wed 08-Dec-21 12:21:00

They do sound like hard work. If I was your husband I wouldn't go, just tell your family he's sick. Does you mum always keep asking the same questions?


Justmuddlingalong Wed 08-Dec-21 12:21:37

You find them irritating too. Do you secretly feel that because you can't opt out because they're your family, you feel DH should endure it too?

CMOTDibbler Wed 08-Dec-21 12:21:42

If he has lasted 10 years of this without saying anything, the man is a saint tbh.

LizzieSiddal Wed 08-Dec-21 12:22:00

I wou won’t go out for the day with them they sound a nightmare!
My In Laws drive both dh and I mad so we don’t go out with them anymore, we just pop in for a coffee, stay an hour or so and leave with our tempers in tact.

HollowTalk Wed 08-Dec-21 12:23:38

They would drive me insane!

AnotherEmma Wed 08-Dec-21 12:23:39

YABU to see them so frequently when they are, indeed, irritating and hard work.

timeisnotaline Wed 08-Dec-21 12:24:15

The man deserves a rant about them far more often than once every ten years, frankly rather than moan he’s let some steam off, you’re pretty lucky he has put up with them as much as he has. They sound SO ANNOYING. Must drive him crazy.

hopeishere Wed 08-Dec-21 12:24:22

Well it doesn't sound fun. Did you / do you enjoy spending time with them?

How slow can they walk though. I'm a naturally slow walker (it's a thing) but I can speed up if necessary.

BorisCrimboParty Wed 08-Dec-21 12:24:32

Yes I feel the same way! It’s so frustrating. The same questions over and over again. Fussing over every little thing. Constant questioning.
But as DH has never mentioned it before (in fact he’s told me I’m unreasonable in the past!!!) and now he’s admitted he feels the same it’s validated everything and I feel the dynamic has changed.

OP’s posts: |
CloudyStorms Wed 08-Dec-21 12:24:37

It sounds like you find them hard work so why would you expect DH to find them any easier?

Shoxfordian Wed 08-Dec-21 12:25:31

It seems like you agree with him so he’s not being unreasonable

Probably best to see them less if you can

IgneousRock Wed 08-Dec-21 12:25:40

It's pretty common to find your in laws annoying - I'm just surprised you got to 10 years without realising he feels this way!

I think it's fine to expect him to put up with it every now and then, but two weekends in a row seems a bit much. Can you let him duck out?

CloudyStorms Wed 08-Dec-21 12:25:41

Also being 30 doesn't exclude someone from walking slowly.

BorisCrimboParty Wed 08-Dec-21 12:27:24

When I say they walk slow … imagine a 90 year old lady with a frame walking behind them looking for a gap so she can get past. It’s unnaturally slow. I physically can’t walk that slow. A 10 minute walk takes half an hour.

OP’s posts: |
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Wed 08-Dec-21 12:27:43

Why is it DHs fault that your Mother and Sister are annoying as fuck?

CloudyStorms Wed 08-Dec-21 12:28:28


When I say they walk slow … imagine a 90 year old lady with a frame walking behind them looking for a gap so she can get past. It’s unnaturally slow. I physically can’t walk that slow. A 10 minute walk takes half an hour.

Have you asked them if they struggle to walk for a medical reason?

CloudyStorms Wed 08-Dec-21 12:29:04

Maybe don't do anything that involves walking around with them if it bugs.you

TinySaltLick Wed 08-Dec-21 12:29:30

Some people say family is one of the most important things in life, but in this instance I would bin them and live in a cave on my own

Welcometothejingles Wed 08-Dec-21 12:30:36

Your family sound really annoying and hard work. You need to start establishing boundaries and learn how to manage them better.

Why do you need to go on regular days out with them? You've gone to the Christmas Market so now why do you need to go on another event with them?

If you do go out with them then meet then get there early so you have time to look round. Tell them you'll meet them for lunch at x time and then leave after an hour so it's a short but manageable visit.

Don't share any information with them which gives them the opportunity to ask questions. Or text to say 'I'm going to x, doing y & seeing z'. If they ask then say that you texted the details to you.

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