Works Xmas party Aibu to leave early

[Missmummy88]

I have my works Xmas party tonight / meal followed by drinks. I’ve been up since 3am with the baby and I’m so tired. I’ve a full day of work and really cba. I can’t tell anyone my hidden life of exhausted mum / as I can’t bare the discrimination so I turn up polished and enthusiastic every day. I want to leave after dinner but how do I do this without looking like a snub and not explaining my exhaustion?

[littleblackno]

You say you have to get back because of childcare or because you need to go to bed because you have work tomorrow. Or you just leave because you want to.
I Don't think you owe anyone an explanation when you are out on your own time.

[atleastitswarm]

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid if I was a colleague, I’d just assume you had to get back for the baby.Hope you enjoy the dinner part OP

[AtlasPine]

You just say you have a baby who will need a feed. You’re more than entitled to put your baby before your colleagues. Surely some of them are parents too?

[CeeceeBloomingdale]

Leave early but don't tell anyone your intention until you're ready to leave. This means if you're enjoying yourself and get a second wind you can stay longer and also stops people pestering you all day to stay.

[littleblackno]

Wait do your colleges even know you have a baby? Why would you not tell them that?

[Missmummy88]

Yeah they know I have a baby, but I’ve worked so hard to prove myself after I was basically written off on maternity leave that I basically do that work like you don’t have kids thing

[Willthewashingeverend]

Could you say that you have another Christmas event to go to of you don't want to say you are going home?

[greatape]

Go when you want/need to - don't need to explain. I get the need to 'show face' but you are doing that and it is a party not an actual part of your work.


You have a baby, you need to get back. People shouldn't judge that. If they do, dare I suggest new year look for new job? Only cocks would think less of someone with a young child not staying out!

[LawnFever]

Is it a big team do? Just go when you’re ready, no big deal you can leave whenever you like, don’t make a big deal of it just head off after dinner and say you’ve got to get going.

[A580Hojas]

I can't believe you made a thread about this. Just say to the people sitting near you "Right, I must get home. Enjoy the rest of your evening!".

[Newestname002]

I'd do a "slow fade" OP. Gradually get quieter towards the end of dinner, though still smiling, then go to the loo, then get your coat and go. No announcement as, hopefully, everyone's having a good time with each other and won't notice. If someone does, do as a PP suggests and say you have to go because you need to do childcare relief but you've had a good time.

These people don't sound very nice if they tried to shaft you during your maternity leave... 🌹

[SinoohXaenaHide]

I get where you are coming from and I have been there.

You don't owe your colleagues your time out of working hours so you don't have to make any excuses when you want to leave, just leave.

However if you are genuinely doing the "work like you don't have kids" thing then another option would be to drink espresso martinis until you find your party mojo. (This is assuming you have a DP or other arrangements for childcare?)

[liveforsummer]

If you don't want to tell the truth just say you feel a bit unwell and excuse yourself

[megletthesecond]

I wouldn't go at all tbh.
It's winter and you're shattered with a baby, go home when you finish work and rest.

[rrhuth]

Wow, what are you putting on an act for? You need a new job where your real self is welcome!

[NoSquirrels]

You don't owe your colleagues your time out of working hours so you don't have to make any excuses when you want to leave, just leave.

This is it. Don’t confuse work with leisure, even if it’s a ‘work’ social occasion, it’s not ‘working’.

When the crowd moves on from dinner venue to drinks venue, or goes into the bar, just say it’s been great but you’re heading home now - see you all tomorrow! and confidently bugger off.

[Monty27]

Don't say anything until it's time you need to go.
I'd hope they'd understand.
Think of your baby and your commitments. Do enjoy yourself though. Stop worrying about it 😉

[gettingolderandgrumpy]

Tbh a night out after a full day in work is a no no from me and I’ve not small children. Go to the meal then leave when you’ve had enough who cares what anyone thinks.

[LoveGrooveDanceParty]

You are over thinking this massively. Our Christmas do was last week, and people began trickling off as soon as the food was eaten. Nobody batted an eyelid. I assume the hardcore stayed until later.

Nobody cares.

[reluctantbrit]

Don't worry. I am one of the people organising the parties in my company and we always have people leaving straight after dinner. Some need to relieve a babysitter or have bad transport links where they don't want to be commuting for 2 hours home. There is a hard core group who is kicked out when the event is finished but the majority is leaving at a decent time.

I left several times early because I had a cold (December seems to be the month DD presents me with germs on a regular basis) and nobody bat an eyelid.

Enjoy the food and have a nice time and go home.

[Nothinbut]

Any work thing I've been to people have left at different times, no one will be bothered. Also I don't think it's a secret that having a young child is tiring, I doubt you're the first one in your team to have one.

[Firesidefox]

If you have a baby everyone will get it.

[RampantIvy]

I don't understand why you need to make a big deal of it. Just say you have to get home, and don't give any reasons or excuses.

[CloudyStorms]

Just don't drink (will make you more tired) and then leave after the meal, say you've got to scoot off to someone (so they don't spent the whole night wondering where you are) and then leave