should I go Christmas dinner or not

(171 Posts)
blueberrybabe Tue 07-Dec-21 20:03:11

For the past three years I’ve gone to my in-laws for Christmas and I’m always the one cooking . My partner helps but I would say I do about 60%-70% of the cooking. On top of that usually the day before I would go out and buy all the food and prep everything and then we travel to my in laws on Christmas morning . Every Christmas is a very stressful day for me . I feel like a chef and a house keeper whilst everyone is sitting down saying they are hungry and waiting for their food . This happened last year and dinner was late because I was exhausted, also had a breastfeeding baby so I had to stop a few times during cooking. Anyways I told my partner I’m not going there this year for Christmas . I would stay at home . I cant go to my family because they are strict Christians who don’t celebrate Christmas . My partner thinks I’m exaggerating as it’s only one day so it shouldn’t be an issue. But i don’t see why we need to be the only ones doing anything . The responsibility should be shared. Staying at home with my baby and making a meal for just me and my baby, and spending the day watching movies and relaxing sounds better . What does everyone think ? Should I go regardless or stay at home

OP’s posts: |
Offmyfence Tue 07-Dec-21 20:04:35

Are you in the UK?

SunshineLane Tue 07-Dec-21 20:04:55

Your plan sounds amazing! Life is a lot less stressful when you put yourself first.

Chrysanthemum5 Tue 07-Dec-21 20:04:55

Definitely don't go! I can't believe they were ok with you doing all that when you had a young baby!

If it's just one day then your husband can do it all on his own without any help and you stay at home

blueberrybabe Tue 07-Dec-21 20:06:04

@Offmyfence yes I’m in the uk

OP’s posts: |
blueberrybabe Tue 07-Dec-21 20:06:34

@SunshineLane yes I agree smile

OP’s posts: |
3luckystars Tue 07-Dec-21 20:07:54

Of course you should stay at home and enjoy your Christmas with your baby.

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blueberrybabe Tue 07-Dec-21 20:08:16

@Chrysanthemum5 yes . They did spend time with my baby whilst I cooked . But It was still too stressful. And I would have prepared to spend time with my baby than be busy all day

OP’s posts: |
Offmyfence Tue 07-Dec-21 20:08:28

Well then you had your excuse last year to not go! We were in lockdown.

No, I wouldn't go.

WhenSepEnds Tue 07-Dec-21 20:08:47

blueberrybabe

For the past three years I’ve gone to my in-laws for Christmas and I’m always the one cooking . My partner helps but I would say I do about 60%-70% of the cooking. On top of that usually the day before I would go out and buy all the food and prep everything and then we travel to my in laws on Christmas morning . Every Christmas is a very stressful day for me . I feel like a chef and a house keeper whilst everyone is sitting down saying they are hungry and waiting for their food . This happened last year and dinner was late because I was exhausted, also had a breastfeeding baby so I had to stop a few times during cooking. Anyways I told my partner I’m not going there this year for Christmas . I would stay at home . I cant go to my family because they are strict Christians who don’t celebrate Christmas . My partner thinks I’m exaggerating as it’s only one day so it shouldn’t be an issue. But i don’t see why we need to be the only ones doing anything . The responsibility should be shared. Staying at home with my baby and making a meal for just me and my baby, and spending the day watching movies and relaxing sounds better . What does everyone think ? Should I go regardless or stay at home


Stay at home, let them see how much you do once it's not being done for them and then expect an apology for them being selfish tw*ts. Have a day on with baby

3luckystars Tue 07-Dec-21 20:09:18

I wouldn’t even go to EAT the dinner at their house, not to mind cook it.
What did they do before you came along?

It’s your day too, you are meant to enjoy it. Stay home and enjoy your Christmas.

WonderHen Tue 07-Dec-21 20:09:54

Eh? Why on earth were the ILs not cooking?

Or DH?

EdgeOfTheSky Tue 07-Dec-21 20:11:36

Blimey!

Are there any other competent adults?

Go but say you will only be responsible for certain elements and that other parts of the meal are delegated?

Set an example for years to come?

Your DH really needs to step up.

Get him to send a list to his family of what to bring / prepare.

User156 Tue 07-Dec-21 20:12:06

You poor thing, sounds like you’ve been totally taken advantage of. Definitely stay at home and look after yourself and your baby, sounds much nicer!

nocnoc Tue 07-Dec-21 20:12:47

Stay. At. Home. No brainer. If they want to see you they come to you and they cook

WorraLiberty Tue 07-Dec-21 20:14:31

I think I'd be spending many Christmases without your selfish husband and his parents, if I were you.

Kite22 Tue 07-Dec-21 20:14:44

Why are you cooking at their house ? confused
I am not sure why you were doing the cooking at all, with a tiny breast fed baby, but if you were, surely it is easier at your own house ?

Why don't they cook for you ?

I cant go to my family because they are strict Christians who don’t celebrate Christmas

This is confusing. I mean a Christian is a follower of Christ. The word Christmas is literally 'celebration of Christ'.

Anyway, YANBU AT ALL to refuse to cook for them.
I am generally all for partners taking turns to go to their partner's family, even if it isn't where they would prefer to be... it sort of comes with the territory of you as a couple being part of two families But I would expect anyone who invited me to their house to cook for me unless there are exceptional circumstances you haven't told us about

FlorenceWintle Tue 07-Dec-21 20:16:07

Tell the truth!

‘I don’t want to cook this year, it’s too much work’

Absolutely nothing they can say in response to that, that you can’t counter with ‘You do it then’

Startrooper Tue 07-Dec-21 20:16:26

Why on earth are you doing everything while they do nothing? And you had a baby last Christmas too?! Wtf. They have massively taken advantage of you which is awful.

Either you go but draw up a schedule in advance of what each person is to buy and prepare on the day, and include cleaning up duties, or you stay home and enjoy Christmas with your DC. Please grow a backbone over this as this is your day too!

SirensofTitan Tue 07-Dec-21 20:16:27

You don't need us to decide for you, you need to explain to your husband why you don't want to go and stick to your guns

ANameChangeAgain Tue 07-Dec-21 20:18:08

Are pil infirm?
I would mysteriously develop a temperature and cough on Christmas Eve, let dh jog on over there and have a lovely day to yourself with your baby with TV and chocolate. fwink

careerchangeperhaps Tue 07-Dec-21 20:18:24

Offmyfence

Well then you had your excuse last year to not go! We were in lockdown.

No, I wouldn't go.


I think people with young babies (under 12 months) could form a bubble with another household.

Lalliella Tue 07-Dec-21 20:23:04

Why on earth are you doing all the shopping and cooking? Fuck that! Definitely stay at home.

Witchinthedales Tue 07-Dec-21 20:27:30

I wouldn't dream of inviting my son and his girlfriend then making her do the cooking, especially if she's nursing a tiny baby, that's totally out of order. I would say please yourself this year and do whatever makes you happy, your husband should not have allowed what happened last year to happen either so bugger him, you enjoy yourself 💐

pictish Tue 07-Dec-21 20:27:39

Stay at home, clearly.

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