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AIBU?

How would you characterize an independent woman?

99 replies

Yeswhatno · 07/12/2021 19:01

I read/hear often women saying they are one.
I’m not sure I know what they mean about that.

What makes one independent?
What do they do/ don’t do, say?
What is their lifestyle like? Dating or not, what about marriage, can there be kids involve?

OP posts:
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RobertSmithsLipstick · 07/12/2021 19:04

They come in all different shapes and sizes, as do their lifestyles.
It's just women getting on with it - good, bad, mundane, difficult or easy.

They don't need to keep pointing it out because they're too busy getting on with it.

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User112 · 07/12/2021 19:06

They are like everyone else. They date, have kids etc. just that they don’t depend on a man to provide for them.

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sofato5miles · 07/12/2021 19:07

I am.often classed as an 'independent woman' it is a bit of a judgy stick, though i can't quite put my finger on as to why.

I think it is because i an extroverted and opinionated and don't take too much shit. Slightly intimidating and have a few opinions that don't quite suit a more conservative set up. Nowadays i also am financially independent of my ex,, but i earn't the moniker even was i was SAHM.

You never hear of an independent man..

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Sonex · 07/12/2021 19:08

I am unmarried, live with partner, we have 3 kids. I would consider my self an independent woman in the sense that I work full time, earn as much or more that he does and so could support myself and the kids on my own without him if necessary (I'd rather not have to do the bins and the dishwasher though!).

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CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 07/12/2021 19:09

They make their own decisions. They make their own money. They can be in a relationship of course or married.
They can be co dependent on their partner, but still totally capable (from a financial and capability perspective) of getting on alone if they found there situations changed.
They don’t rely on other people too much, they just get on with things.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 07/12/2021 19:09

You never hear of an independent man..

This. All adult humans, barring additional needs, should aim to pay their own way and manage their own shit.

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ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 07/12/2021 19:11

They run themselves and their household with their own earned finances.

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CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 07/12/2021 19:11

Additional point, they can have close family and friends, but they don’t live in their pockets and confide in every element of their day.

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ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 07/12/2021 19:12

just that they don’t depend on a man to provide for them.

Or the state. If they get benefits they're not independant.

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TheViewFromTheCheapSeats · 07/12/2021 19:13

For some it’s a financial thing, basically she supports herself.

For me I’d say it’s a woman who knows her own mind, is capable and doesn’t need a partner to rely on emotionally. She is emotionally independent, her thought process is her own and she is comfortable in disagreement. I don’t think a woman choosing to share parts of her life with a partner suddenly makes her a dependent woman. You can be independent and enjoy that as you wish, not too worried how others judge it.

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Cloudyzebra · 07/12/2021 19:13

I think I'm one, married with DC, but earn 50% of the family income and could manage on my own if I had to. I stay because I want to not because I need to.

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Bluntness100 · 07/12/2021 19:14

For me it means financially independent and self sufficient. Who can pay her way or support herself.

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IncompleteSenten · 07/12/2021 19:16

An independent adult manages their life without needing parental financial support I think would be the most simple way to think of it.

You don't have to do everything singlehandedly but you have to be capable of doing so. Eg if you're in a relationship you may pool your income and share domestic duties and childcare but you know how to do all of these things and could manage them by yourself if you had to. You know what companies your utilities are with, your mortgage/rent, you know the ins and outs of your finances, you know how to take care of all aspects of adult life.

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Bluntness100 · 07/12/2021 19:16

@Bluntness100

For me it means financially independent and self sufficient. Who can pay her way or support herself.

And sorry I’d add to this emotionally capable as well, Ie she’s with someone if she is with someone becayse she wishes to be, not becayse she has to be, or is too scared not to be. She can emotionally and financially care and provide for herself and her children.
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XDownwiththissortofthingX · 07/12/2021 19:18

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

just that they don’t depend on a man to provide for them.

Or the state. If they get benefits they're not independant.

By that logic, any woman who relies on her employer to pay her salary is not independent.
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Yeswhatno · 07/12/2021 19:19

@sofato5miles

few opinions that don't quite suit a more conservative set up.

Can I ask what these opinions are?

You never hear of an independent man..

Yeap. I think ”independency” is pretty much given when it comes to men.

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CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark · 07/12/2021 19:22

@XDownwiththissortofthingX 🙄 there is always one!
No. That’s not what the PP is saying. So let’s not pick on independent women that are capable and doing their best to work while contributing to society as much as is it feasible to do so.

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meh12 · 07/12/2021 19:23

So let’s not pick on independent women that are capable and doing their best to work while contributing to society as much as is it feasible to do so.

Yeah let's pick on women who have some state help instead, SO much more progressive Hmm

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FFSFFSFFS · 07/12/2021 19:25

It’s interesting that you never hear about men who can do their own washing and life admin and don’t rely on a woman as being “independent” isn’t it.

Ie the stereotype is women rely on men for money and men rely on women for domestic tasks. But no one labels men according to where they sit on this stereotype.

Sigh.

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Crazykatie · 07/12/2021 19:27

I’m independant, I make my own choices, have done so for the last 40yrs, I could live independently but I would be much worse off, sharing with a man that really cares for me is definitely my choice.

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AlCalavicci · 07/12/2021 19:32

I would class myself as independent , I live alone , earn my own wage , have no money coming in from anywhere / one else . I know (roughly) what I want out of life .
I am emotional stable ( apart from the odd hissy fit when the washer leaks or a door handle grabs my sleeve Grin )
I can and do go on holidays alone
I can do most basic DIY

The one thing I am not independent with is travel , I don't drive so have to rely on buses trams and trains .

My DB matches all of my above except he drives too

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sst1234 · 07/12/2021 19:34

Any woman who is financially independent, not reliant on her partner or the state.

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gwenneh · 07/12/2021 19:34

I'd class an independent person as someone who had:

  • their own income/money
  • aspirations for a career which don't depend on anyone else (i.e. needing a partner to support them while they work their way up the ladder, etc.)
  • their own set of friends, again not "couple friends" but friendships that exist outside of the sphere of their partner
  • their own hobbies - might be possible to have the same hobby as a partner but not someone who started doing the hobby simply because the partner was doing it
  • if they have a relationship it's because they want to be and they have healthy boundaries that come from their own needs being expressed.
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sst1234 · 07/12/2021 19:36

@XDownwiththissortofthingX
Weird logic. No logic at all actually. Being employed is not the same as receiving benefits. No one who is dependent on the state can be truly independent.

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meh12 · 07/12/2021 19:36

I'm financially reliant on my DH because of the lifestyle we have built together, as he is on me. Does that mean I'm not independent? (I earn much more, could easily financially live on my own if I wanted, albeit smaller lifestyle of course).

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