Bought bedding for myself but not for LO

(56 Posts)
Crumpledpancake Sat 04-Dec-21 16:03:26

Ok this is trivial but feels like a big thing to me.

I was just over at my parents' house for a quick visit (dropping some groceries off as they don't have a car). Had my 5yo DD with me. While I was in Asda I saw some brushed cotton bedding that is red and looks so Christmassy and cheerful. It wasn't expensive and I liked it so after some thought I decided to buy it. Then looked at some brushed cotton bedding for my DD but then remembered she needs double bedding for her bed. I couldn't buy both as I couldn't afford it (got a LOT of outgoings at the moment).

Anyway, I was at my parents house and I mentioned that I want to get some soft brushed cotton bedding for DD but can't afford it at the moment. (Why I said this I do not know!)

Then as we were leaving I opened the car boot to get something out and there was my bedding set for all to see! So they saw that I'd bought for myself and not DD. They're going to think I'm tight and mean.

I have a difficult relationship with them and they love any opportunity to call me for meanness. I am not mean though I spend most of my money on my DD and hardly ever on myself. She has a lovely winter coat that cost 3 x what my coat cost (just as an example). But I drive home fretting and feeling horrible. I want to text my dad to explain why I had bedding for myself but I feel this would just make things worse.

What would you do?

OP’s posts: |
Cocomarine Sat 04-Dec-21 16:05:25

What would I do?
Forget out the bedding and work out why I had such a fucked up relationship with my parents 🤷🏻‍♀️

Cocomarine Sat 04-Dec-21 16:06:25

Why do you have a single and she has a double?

Sunshinelollypops8 Sat 04-Dec-21 16:06:41

Honestly it's none of their business really.
You don't need to explain yourself to them abs you ARE allowed to by yourself something instead of your child as long as they have all the essentials they need.
Mum guilt is a real thing and I'm sure when you have a little more money the first thing you will do is go out and by that bedding for her.
Enjoy your new sheets girly!!

MrFlippersPancake Sat 04-Dec-21 16:07:01

Cocomarine

What would I do?
Forget out the bedding and work out why I had such a fucked up relationship with my parents 🤷🏻‍♀️


This thanks

JurgensCakeBabyJesus Sat 04-Dec-21 16:07:05

Can you share it? So you get it for a week, wash and dry it, then she gets it for a week while you have a normal cotton set on? Also you are allowed to buy things for yourself, I'm sure your daughter has plenty of bedding and there aren't many five year old with a double bed of their own!

Crumpledpancake Sat 04-Dec-21 16:07:38

I have King size. But it was pretty cheap. The double stuff suitable for a child was Disney and it was more pricey

OP’s posts: |

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MeltedButter Sat 04-Dec-21 16:08:35

Same as above.

RoastPotatoQueen Sat 04-Dec-21 16:09:07

I'm going to be completely honest here.

I used to get the same feelings about my parents panicking and scared, it's not normal. forget the bedding, you shouldn't be feeling like this. You need to drop contact with them or get some therapy. It's not healthy. thanks

and enjoy your bedding!

Crumpledpancake Sat 04-Dec-21 16:11:03

She has a single bed with a double duvet just to clarify. And yes she's got everything she needs in life. Her bedroom is generally warmer than ours as it's smaller. Ours is Arctic in winter.

I know I have a fucked up relationship with them, it's something I have thought about too much these past 12 months. Long story.

OP’s posts: |
Santahatesbraisedcabbage Sat 04-Dec-21 16:12:22

Look in the mirror op. Recognise you are a real grown up. Your dps have no right to make you feel like a dc.. Or judge your parenting either...
I am sure your dd isn't disadvantaged not having new bedding right now today. Or indeed at all.

Itsalmostanaccessory Sat 04-Dec-21 16:15:16

Your 5 year old has a winter coat which cost 3 times what yours did? How?

Children's winter coats are almost always on sale. Mountain Warehouse does great sales on children's coats. My kids have 2 winter coats each and they all cost less than £30 in the sales.

How can you possibly have spent more on a coat for a 5 year old than for yourself?

I think that mad. And wasteful. She is going to grow out of it in the blink of an eye.

Be smarter with your spending and you'll have more money got extras. Dont give a second thought to your awful parents.

Sally872 Sat 04-Dec-21 16:15:37

Your parents shouldn't judge you for buying bedding for yourself, hopefully they aren't (most wouldn't).

Stop overthinking, let it go. Enjoy your new bedding.

Don't spend more than you can afford on dds coat either. Fair enough if affordable but don't pressure yourself.

NovemberNovemberDarkNights Sat 04-Dec-21 16:16:19

Firstly - you're allowed to buy yourself bedding!!

If DD has suitable bedding it's neither here nor there that it's red.

Unless your parents would typically go & buy DD bedding if you've said, what you've said, then it's none of their business!! I guess it comes across a bit cheeky if you know they'll go and buy her it because you said you couldn't afford to, but had 'treated' yourself.

Tell you what I never thought I'd like, but am LOVING & that's a very cheap Tesco teddy bear fitted sheet! It was something like a fiver & with a brushed cotton duvet cover it feels so snuggly!! (Rest if my bedding is high count cotton - looks more 'classy' (can't think of a better word!) but the Teddy sheet & bc duvet are the snuggly business!!

Besides 'Home & Garden' aren't doing another photo shoot before Christmas, so I can relax

🤣🤣🤣

statetrooperstacey Sat 04-Dec-21 16:17:26

Are your parents really that judgemental or is this just something that you are worried about with no foundation? Do you generally worry about what other people think? You are allowed to buy things for yourself, you have permission !
If they really are the type of people who would bring it up and you are genuinely worried, you could say,
It’s a present for somebody,
It’s a present for you from somebody else,
You were taking it back to the shop for a refund as not suitable/ wrong size.
You had been shopping with a friend and they had left it in your car.
But I really think your overthinking this!
Enjoy your toasty beddingsmile

CloudyStorms Sat 04-Dec-21 16:17:55

Did they say anything? If not then just leave it. It really doesn't matter what they think.

OnlyClothes Sat 04-Dec-21 16:18:21

‘They love any opportunity to call me mean’
I’d remind them of all you do for them ie dropping off shopping for them. Just because they’re your parents doesn’t mean you have to accept being spoken to rudely. You’re an adult now, don’t let that inner child take over in your dealings with them. You might have worried and felt bad as a child but now you can choose to react differently. Take back some of your power.

Thatsplentyjack Sat 04-Dec-21 16:20:05

Where on earth did you buy your dds coat that it cost 3x what yours did?

Crumpledpancake Sat 04-Dec-21 16:27:23

I might have exaggerated with the cost of her coat. It was more like about double the price of mine. It's a Jack Wolfskin and mines a Regatta one from a closing down sale. I do tend to go without for her. She's my only child and I want the best for her.

I know it's so stupid but yes my DM is very judgmental. I hear her voice in my head all the time. She was hinting that I'm tight just before DDs birthday because she had said to her grandma that she wasn't allowed toys! Erm yes just before her birthday she shouldn't be having toys. But as I was explaining that I was just met with "oh well she seems very sad these days and she said she wasn't allowed toys". No matter how much I explain it I just get their disparaging looks.

Yes I need therapy, I'm on a waiting list at the moment.

My DD loves them so I can't cut all ties.

OP’s posts: |
Justheretoaskaquestion91 Sat 04-Dec-21 16:35:04

Why wasn’t she allowed toys?

CloudyStorms Sat 04-Dec-21 16:39:38

So they didn't say anything and you just assumed they judged you? If so that therapy should help. I don't mean that in a rude way, I know what it's like to get a few judgy comments then you just assume they are being judgy all the time.

ikeepseeingit Sat 04-Dec-21 16:40:18

OP your daughter will not have thought about this for more than one second while you were buying it. Think back to your own childhood, would you have remembered your mum buying herself bedding and not you? I wouldn't have!

Pay absolutely no attention to any 'looks' or sighs you may be getting from your parents. YOU are her mother. You are a good mum. You bought bedding for yourself. She has bedding already, and a double bed! I never had a double bed. She sounds very well looked after. Pay no mind to them flowers

OnlyClothes Sat 04-Dec-21 16:41:56

‘She’s my only child and I want the best for her’ honestly, I would reassess letting her have so much contact with a judgemental pair like them then. She’ll pick up on it one way or the other. I deliberately minimised my kids relationship with a certain family member because I simply didn’t want them to become attached to someone like that. It worked, they’re adults now and look aghast whenever there is an incident, instead of being all confused and ‘in the fog’ like me. Just because she loves them isn’t a good reason to allow this much contact.

Itsalmostanaccessory Sat 04-Dec-21 16:42:16

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Do you buy your kid random toys a week before their birthday? You know, a day when they will get a whole bunch of toys. They dont need more random "no reason" toys given to them a week or so before that.

hotmeatymilk Sat 04-Dec-21 16:43:16

I would cut contact with my parents considerably if they made me feel this way. Enjoy your new bedding flowers

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