Am I over reacting or is this kid out of line calling my DD trans?

(188 Posts)
Overreactingmom Thu 02-Dec-21 13:14:49

DD is 10. Overall she is a lovely kid who gets on well at school but of course she is in year 6 so fall outs are inevitable at this age but had no serious issues, she is happy to go to school and she has no additional needs etc just so as not to drip feed.

There is a boy at school who is very popular in the year group, he is confident, sporty and from a huge family.

He has been making comments about my daughters hair for months now, calling her ginger etc and just generally making fun, always appearance related. We hadn’t really acted as she seemed to be holding her own and telling him to mind his own etc.

Last week she went into school wearing trousers rather than a skirt, cue this kid (and others) commenting that she looks like a boy, why is she wearing trousers, you look like ‘X child’ (who is on the spectrum and has always been the only girl to wear trousers in their year group which is fine ofc but they’re using this child as an insult!) and laughing about it generally. Spoke to school, she was pretty upset and teacher was fab, thought it was sorted.

Yesterday the same boy said to her (about her new school shoes) ‘why are you wearing them, you look like a boy! Are you trans?’ She also admitted he has been saying she’s going to grow up to ‘be a boy’ because of wearing trousers.

Now she’s not particularly upset over the more recent comments. But I am fuming. Aibu?

For the record - I wouldn’t care how she chose to identify as an adult but she is 10 years old and just a happy little ‘tomboy’ who wants to be warm and comfy in this freezing weather!

It’s 2021 ffs not the 50’s why can’t my daughter wear what she feels comfortable in without being picked on? I dread secondary school next year!

OP’s posts: |
LucySullivanIsGettingMarried Thu 02-Dec-21 13:18:48

I'd complain to the school again. He sounds like a nasty little shit.

Tal45 Thu 02-Dec-21 13:19:23

Have another word with the teacher as they handled it well last time. This boy sounds delightful...and has very strange ideas about trouser wearing!

WorriedMumsDontSleep Thu 02-Dec-21 13:20:22

Where has he got the idea that girls don't wear trousers. That's ridiculous that bizarre.
I'd be questioning DD about the content of pshe lessons, are they confusing stereotypes with 'being trans'?

As it's repeated behaviour ask the school to follow the anti bullying policy. Hopefully they'll be supportive.

MrsBison Thu 02-Dec-21 13:26:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picklemewalnuts Thu 02-Dec-21 13:27:54

MrsBison

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.


Really? In what way does giving in to bullies solve a problem? Whose problem does it solve? The little girl who has to shiver in a skirt when she'd rather wear trousers? Or the boy who gets to control the people around him by nasty tactics?

WorriedMumsDontSleep Thu 02-Dec-21 13:28:00

MrsBison

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.

Definitely don't do this.

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EatYourVegetables Thu 02-Dec-21 13:28:07

@MrsBison biscuit

cultkid Thu 02-Dec-21 13:28:54

Collect her from school and give him the death stare

What a toad he is

MrsBison Thu 02-Dec-21 13:30:40

Some battles arent worth fighting, even if you are in the right.

MrsBison Thu 02-Dec-21 13:31:02

Do whats best for your daughter and not whats right.

EmpressaurusWitchDoesntBurn Thu 02-Dec-21 13:32:27

MrsBison

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.

Not problem solved at all. This boy sounds like an MRA in the making and if the OP’s daughter wears a skirt because of his comments, she’s letting him force her into the kind of outdated sex stereotypes peddled by misogynist organisations like Mermaids & Gendered Intelligence.

The school need to make it very clear that the attitude that girls can’t wear certain clothes is straight out of Victorian times, or maybe earlier.

EmpressCixi Thu 02-Dec-21 13:32:30

I’d send a letter to the head teacher describing he constant bullying this child is doing to your daughter and asking for written response within a week as to what specific actions they will be taking in accordance with the schools bullying policy to safe guard your daughter.

MsSquiz Thu 02-Dec-21 13:33:48

MrsBison

Do whats best for your daughter and not whats right.


What's best for her daughter, and girls in school in general is to encourage them and not give in to ridiculous peer pressure or bullying that girls must only wear skirts!

@MrsBison - I presume you are female, do you only wear skirts or dresses? Or would you stop wearing trousers if a man told you to?!

MrsBison Thu 02-Dec-21 13:34:00

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

MinnieJackson Thu 02-Dec-21 13:34:15

@MrsBison really?!

GreenWhiteViolet Thu 02-Dec-21 13:35:15

What's best for OPs daughter isn't telling her that if nasty people make nasty comments about you, you should change the thing about you that they don't like. That's not a good life lesson, especially coming from someone who is meant to love and value you for who you are.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with a little girl wearing trousers instead of a skirt. It would be very wrong to tell her otherwise.

gogohm Thu 02-Dec-21 13:35:15

Return to the school and say it's escalated, at this point they should be calling the parents in for a talk. He's still a kid but needs to be corrected in his behaviour, jointly by the school and parents. Alas I strongly suspect he's parroting what he hears at home, most bully's are victims themselves or observe it

Movingsoon21 Thu 02-Dec-21 13:35:40

He’s a bully, plain and simple. He’s saying whatever he thinks will upset her.

Go back to the school and tell them although you were happy with how they dealt with things previously, the bullying has started again and it needs to be stopped immediately.

Not approved of on MN but I’d also get my husband to speak to him after school. “Stay away from my daughter if you don’t want to get hurt” sort of message. It works with kids this age!

Having said that, it does sound like your daughter is doing really well at standing up for herself too so definitely keep encouraging that. Bullies go for easy victims so if she can hit back at something he’s insecure about (he sounds like he might be stupid, for example?) then that might help.

AnneLovesGilbert Thu 02-Dec-21 13:36:07

EmpressCixi

I’d send a letter to the head teacher describing he constant bullying this child is doing to your daughter and asking for written response within a week as to what specific actions they will be taking in accordance with the schools bullying policy to safe guard your daughter.

Yes to this.

What a little shit.

user1477249785 Thu 02-Dec-21 13:36:27

Wow @MrsBison - what is right for her daughter is SURELY teaching her not to give in to bullies or to accept nasty outdated stereotypes. Your comment is incredible.

CecilyP Thu 02-Dec-21 13:36:58

MrsBison:

Why give people the ammo though?

Just encourage your daughter to wear a skirt. Problem solved.

I hope you're joking!

DraigFach Thu 02-Dec-21 13:37:00

We've had to make a complaint to the school over similar comments...from a boy too.

Eldest prefers trousers and has her hair cut short so of course she wants to be a boy confused (she is quite distinctly and proudly a young woman, neither her hair nor clothes detract from this).

The school took the complaint seriously and agreed that reinforcing stereotypes is unhelpful at best with children and harmful at worst. They agreed it was bullying and handled it as such.

BurntO Thu 02-Dec-21 13:37:20

@MrsBison it might “solve” one issue but it creates another. So no, not problem solved. Have you really lived your life like this? How sad

jeaux90 Thu 02-Dec-21 13:37:29

What sexist rubbish.

I'd definitely make an appointment with the school for a discussion on this. Girls and boys can wear what they want, play with what they want.

Arrant nonsense coming from this boy and the bullying and targeted comments are unacceptable.

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